Feeling Overwhelmed by Kink Exploration? Welcome to Kinkyville is Here to Guide You with Creator Emily Blake

Episode 124:
Feeling Overwhelmed by Kink Exploration? Welcome to Kinkyville is Here to Guide You with Creator Emily Blake

In this episode I have a conversation with Emily Blake, creator of the animated series 'Welcome to Kinkyville.' We discuss Emily's cautious exploration of kink and BDSM, her journey of healing from past trauma, and the importance of releasing sexual shame. Emily shares her insights into starting with kink safely, the creation of her animated series, and how open communication and education can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 

The episode emphasizes the significance of normalizing conversations about sexual desires and the transformative potential of kink in overcoming personal obstacles.

Watch the Pilot:
YouTube | Website

Connect with Emily:
Blue Sky

01:41 Meet Emily Blake: A Journey into Kink and BDSM

04:27 Emily's Personal Exploration and Healing through Kink

05:46 Navigating Kink: Safety, Education, and Misconceptions

11:11 Releasing Sexual Shame and Embracing Desires

15:26 Practical Tips for Exploring Kink Safely

20:30 Dreaming of a World Without Shame

21:36 Introducing 'Welcome to Kinkyville'

22:03 The Journey of Creating 'Welcome to Kinkyville'

24:37 Challenges and Changes During Production

28:26 The Future of 'Welcome to Kinkyville'

31:09 Envisioning a World with Less Sexual Shame

34:06 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

This is Relationships Reimagined.

Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.

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Podcast Music by Zachariah Hickman

Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Kink and Relationship Diversity
• 11:33 Navigating Consent and Communication in Kink
• 18:36 Embracing Authenticity in Relationships
• 22:09 Creating Animated Series for Kink Education
• 29:01 Creating Sex-Positive Education Show for Television
• 36:47 Exploring Relationship Diversity

Transcript

Emily Blake: 0:00

I was in one of those Facebook groups and I noticed there was a real habit of usually young women coming into the group and saying things like my dom told me he really wants to slap me in the face during sex. I don't like that, but because he's my dom, he says I have to do it. Is that normal? And the amount of times a question like that was asked in that group started to really frustrate me, because I kept giving the same answer over and over again. In polyamory groups there's an automatic go here. Read this. Shorthand In kink there just hasn't been. There is no go here. Read this. Watch this. That'll tell you everything that you can. Just shorthand a new person.

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:42

And so I was like there should be one. Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, keri Jaroslow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to bring more unique perspectives into the conversation.

Carrie Jeroslow: 1:41

Today I'm talking with Emily Blake, creator and writer of an animated series called Welcome to Kinkyville. In this episode we talk about her cautious exploration into kink, bdsm and how it helped her heal her past. We also talk about her desire for people to release sexual shame and embrace sexual desire, and how diversity and fluidity within this can enhance relationship fulfillment. But first a little about her. Emily Blake is a writer, producer, nerd, who cosplays, larps and plays D&D and waxes poetic about removing shame from consensual sexual desire. She lives in Los Angeles with her cool husband and two goofy dogs. Let's get into the conversation.

Carrie Jeroslow: 2:31

Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of Relationship Diversity Podcast. I'm super excited about my guest today. I have Emily Blake with me, who is a writer and producer and who has written, produced and starred in an animated series about kink and BDSM, and I've seen it. It is so whimsical and it's so approachable. Approachable so it, I think, really helps open people up to. If you're curious about kink but you don't know where to start and you don't know how to learn, and then I think some kink education is really far out there for a beginner. So this was so approachable. I'm really excited about this project and we'll get more into it. But first, emily, welcome to the podcast.

Emily Blake: 3:23

Hello, thank you for that great introduction.

Carrie Jeroslow: 3:32

Yes, thank you for being here, and what I resonated with you when we talked before recording was the connection between relationship diversity and how you talk about kink, because you talk about coming together with your partner or partners to design what works for you in terms of what kink could look like. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about kink out there. People can go really far in their mind to what they think it is, especially if they don't have any education in it, and I think there's so much color within the kink world to design what works for you. And so that was the connection between relationship diversity and what you're doing. So, before we get into your amazing project, could you introduce yourself for people who don't know who you are and how you got into this world and this exploration of BDSM and kink?

Emily Blake: 4:26

Sure, I used to be a school teacher, high school teacher but I've always been a writer that's what I went to school for and I wanted to be a screenwriter. I came out to Los Angeles and I was teaching and lots of adventures happened. So, not adventures happened and I was married to someone who was not great for me and you're very sort of stereotypical marriage, nothing fancy. We just did what most couples do. But I was really unhappy and I eventually got divorced and I remember thinking I was really lazy in the bedroom I just wanted to lie there and not really work. Partly it's because I wasn't happy in my marriage, but also because I was talking about this to a friend who was like, oh, it's okay to be submissive and I was like, wait, wait, what, what's that? And that caused me to start Googling.

Emily Blake: 5:13

And then I just got deeply involved in the world and did lots and lots of research. But because I was divorced and untrusting, it was a lot easier for me to potential partners and so through that I slowly learned what I do and don't like. I feel like I mostly was pretty safe because I was so cautious and so untrusting. So that's how I sort of got into it. That's the beginning of my kink journey was just doing a lot of research and I didn't have a ton of partners. It was more like I got pretty lucky in that. Right away, after some vetting, I found a partner who ended up being my dom for four years.

Carrie Jeroslow: 5:46

So there's a lot of misconceptions about kink and I've done other episodes about it, but as a cautious person, as you described yourself going into this world, how did you go into it? What were some of the steps that you took in the very beginning? I mean, obviously I went on FetLife. So tell people what FetLife is, because there might be people who don't know what that is.

Emily Blake: 6:13

It's a whole lot of things. It's like a message board and it's like an old school message board where you have different groups you can belong to. It's all online, but you can message people and find partners that way. You can post porn there, but you can also just like ask questions and learn about things. Um, it's not entirely always safe is sort of. My issue is there's a lot of predators on fet life, but you can find some weird shit on fet life be like kinks you have no idea existed.

Emily Blake: 6:36

So fet life is like the first place I really went. I also found a couple of facebook groups. Facebook was a little more liberal back then with what they were allowing. Some of the groups I belong to are no longer in existence because Facebook clamped down on sexual content. I read some books. The book game is not great in my opinion because a lot of the books I read were very overtly sexual and not talking about kink as a like. They felt like they were coming on real hard with kinks. That don't interest me and they were being very salacious. And that's also an issue with vet life sometimes is. I didn't feel like as a person who was just cautiously exploring, like there was anything for me that didn't involve just trying to push my boundaries, just the reading. That I thought was very promising. But immediately in the first chapter the author started talking about standing on a bar at a kink space and peeing on the counter and I was like, whoa, okay, it's too much for me.

Emily Blake: 7:33

It's too much. So I learned over time to pick and choose what was for me and what wasn't for me, do a lot of reading and a lot of educating myself, and there are a couple of really good polyamory groups, honestly, that have a lot of really good relationship advice and that I've used that, although I wasn't polyamorous yet. The problem was there was no one source that was really good for new kinksters.

Carrie Jeroslow: 7:55

So that's where you started to think how can I fill that space? Because, I agree, for people who are interested, it's very easy to be turned off by some of the content out there. Exactly what you're saying of oh my God, this is too much. And before we go into your project, I'm curious what you found as some deeper personal healing possibilities as you were exploring kinked. What was kink for you other than maybe pushing your boundaries a little bit?

Emily Blake: 8:28

My mom is a narcissist, and I grew up in a household where I was the golden child. I don't know if anybody out there is familiar with the rules of narcissistic parents. There's usually a golden child and a black sheep, sometimes a middle child. I was the golden child. My sister was a black sheep and I was expected to fix things all the time. I was expected to be the one who was bringing people together. Whenever my mom and my sister disagreed, I was responsible for bringing my sister back into the fold, I was responsible for making sure everybody was okay, and so it taught me that my needs are less, that I have to do what I'm told, that in order to be a good child, I must be the one who benefits everyone else around me, and in return, I was the one who was the best child, the favorite, but as long as I toed the line, and what that ended up doing to me is that when I got married, my needs became secondary and I married someone who needed to be fixed, and I had this weird complex thinking I can fix anyone, I'm a fixer, and it made it really hard for me to make decisions.

Emily Blake: 9:31

I remember standing in a store with two shirts and just being like absolutely unable to decide which shirt to buy. And what was great about being in a really positive, submissive relationship is that it actually helped me in that regard, because if I'm standing in a store with two t-shirts and I have done this I have texted my dom and said which one am I buying, and he'll tell me problem solved. I don't have to stand here and feel this anxiety and over time, that actually made me more confident making decisions, and by the time our relationship ended, it ended largely because we had gone in two different directions, and one of the reasons we'd gone in two different directions is I had gained a lot more confidence and I no longer needed someone to tell me which shirt to buy. So for me that was my experience with kink was a lot of that, a lot of teaching me to relax, teaching me to trust myself, so it was really beneficial in that regard.

Carrie Jeroslow: 10:21

That's amazing, and I hear from so many who go into kink and BDSM that there's a lot of dynamics within them that they find healing from in whatever they experience in BDSM and there is, like we said before, just a whole range of how that can show up, and so thank you for sharing that, because I know that that was personal, but I think it's important for people to hear. I think a lot of misconceptions about BDSM kink is it's just I just want to go and have like raucous sex, and it could be that. I'm not saying that, it's not that, and I am saying that there are a lot of other reasons that this really serves people and helps people heal parts that maybe, like therapy or traditional ways, just cannot reach. So I appreciate you telling us your story. One of the things that you talk about being really passionate about is releasing sexual shame and how you have found and through your animated series and through your experience that BDSM and kink helps to heal and release sexual shame. Can you go into that a little bit more?

Emily Blake: 11:33

Yeah, before Elon Musk took over Twitter, I had a really active Twitter account with quite a few followers, and every now and then, especially once I really got going on my kink journey and started working on this project, I would say hey, does anyone have any really burning questions about kink? My dams are open. As long as you're polite, ask me whatever you want. And surprising the first time, not the second or third or fourth time I did it I got a ton, a ton. Like every time I asked this question. Like every time I asked this question, I'd get five, six people the vast majority were men asking hey, if I want to spank a woman or I want to tie a woman up, is that wrong? Am I a bad person? And they only asked this because I said these are private. You can DM me, I will answer your question. And they were never gross, no-transcript.

Emily Blake: 12:48

I'm a bad feminist if I want some man to tie me up and tell me what to do, and so we don't talk about it. Our parents don't talk about it, society doesn't like to talk about it. You see, people will jokingly post about anal and it's like sometimes I'll come in there and be like, oh yeah, let's talk about anal and then they're like oh but, but yeah, it's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. Let's talk about it, because the more you talk about it as if it's not this shameful thing, the more people will be comfortable admitting what they want, because they don't tell their partners. They don't tell their partners what they want because they're so afraid of being thought of as being real weird, right.

Carrie Jeroslow: 13:24

Right. So what is the antidote to that and what? One of the things you said was normalizing? Normalizing the desire, normalizing the discussion. What else? How do we start talking about it differently? I?

Emily Blake: 13:40

think you also have to advocate for yourself, that you have to be willing to tell your partner what you're into and you have to have a partner who is not going to make fun of you for it. Have a partner who's going to be like OK, that's not something I'm into, or that is something I'm into, let's explore it. In the end, I think that's. But also education, I think, more unintimidating portrayals of King that normal, everyday people. Donna Reed is probably kinky. Everybody has something, even if it's a little thing, and if somebody wants to try it. They don't want Tom in the experiment and that's great. That's great, try it. Maybe you don't want to do crazy stuff. Maybe you're completely vanilla and all you want to do is missionary for the rest of your life. As long as your partner's cool with that, sure, good for you. But I think we need to build a society that is okay with that.

Emily Blake: 14:25

Our founders were prudes. Our founders came here and were immediately like no fun for you, and that is what we've built our nation on. So that's. This is about work. It's not about pleasure. Yeah, and we have to combat that every day. Making sex work something that we accept is okay, and not assuming every sex worker is some sad person who just has no choice. There's a lot of nuance, but really in the end it's just about being able to have a conversation and not immediately go oh, I can't talk about this. Let people talk about it Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Don't force your kink on people.

Carrie Jeroslow: 15:00

And I think it's finding those safe spaces to have the conversation and also allowing yourself to feel the feelings of the shame and kind of move through that, be in a space where one person can move through the feelings that come up, because there's so much programming about being nasty, dirty, wrong, whatever it is, and those feelings are really bound to come up when you start investigating. I'd love to hear your perspectives on the range of what BDSM kink could look like, starting with the most cautious, the most like. I just want to tip my toe in and then give us some ideas of what it could look like.

Emily Blake: 15:44

Well, one of the things that I did in the pilot episode was that I recommend fuzzy handcuffs. Because fuzzy handcuffs are great. They're comfortable, they're easy to work with because a lot of times they just operate on standard belt system and you can hook them to your bed frame if you have one. But they're also really easy to slip out of. So if you're scared, it's like I can get out of these cuffs. So I recommend fuzzy handcuffs as a place to start, maybe just using your hand to spank a butt a little bit, stuff like that, just seeing, just testing the.

Emily Blake: 16:14

I think one of the problems is people jump, people get so excited when they discover they're kinky and they tend to go a little nuts and we get what's called sub frenzy, where you're like I need to do this, I need to do this right now, I need to find a dog, and then you get a little desperate and then you that's what leads to abuse.

Emily Blake: 16:22

But I think, dial it back, start small, start slow, test the waters. You don't have to find all of your kinks right now and even if you like something now, you might change your mind, decide you don't like it later, that's all okay. I think that's really the key is just start with smacking your butt, doing a little light cuffs or I don't recommend regular handcuffs because they hurt. That's me and it's okay, even if you're really kinky. It's okay to not like crazy stuff, but that's it. I've done things with my husband that I was like he wanted to try and I was like, all right, we'll try it. And then we try it and I go I did not like that. And then we don't do it again, but we try it.

Carrie Jeroslow: 16:58

I really love what you say about trying something and then feeling okay to say that isn't my thing, because I think that there's this idea of escalation, that escalation is just normal, meaning that I tried this and then that means that we're going to do that a lot and we're going to escalate it to something even more, to more, to more, to more to more. And it sounds like it's really important to be checking in with yourself all the time and then really having, from the foundation, a conversation and open communication with your partner to say let's just try this once and then let's come back together and see how it was. So for people who, let's say, for couples who try something and one partner is really into it and the other partner is like nope, not my thing, how would you advise people to navigate that kind of thing?

Emily Blake: 17:53

If one partner doesn't do it, you don't do it. If they don't want to do it, that's sorry. It's off the table. You have to. Either if you're polyamorous, you can find a partner who will do it for you or if you're open, you can find a sex worker or a play partner. If you're monogamous, watch some porn. Honestly, I think if you're listening to this podcast and if you're someone who's interested in kink, you're probably not going to be opposed to porn. I know some people are. To me that feels a little, unless it's like an addictive thing. I feel like it's a little silly to think porn is cheating. Anyway, I know people have that conversation all the time. But enjoy your masturbatory fantasies. Find a way to meet that need on your own. But if one partner doesn't want to do it, don't make them do it. Sorry, sometimes your partner doesn't want to do things that you want them to do.

Emily Blake: 18:36

My former domino used to do shibari a lot. My husband does not know shibari and isn't really super interested in learning. He's expressed. He's like but I feel bad, I want to tie you up. I'm like that's okay. That's okay, we'll get out the fuzzy cuffs and there's still other things we can do that I enjoy. You don't have to tie me up. It's fine. And if I really, really, really want to be tied up, I can go to a shibari class and be a subject. It's an option.

Carrie Jeroslow: 18:59

It sounds like there are options. I think a lot of times we get into extremes. You don't like this, I do. I got to figure this out. This isn't working for me, but there's a lot of gray area to find a way to satisfy whatever it is within you, whether it is watching porn or fantasy, but to really honor each other. Because I think what I've heard from other people and experts that I've had on with BDSM kink that trust is super, super important in that practice, especially if you're doing it a partner and you're exploring edges that could possibly be scary that trust is really, really important.

Emily Blake: 19:36

Yeah, I feel like I know some people are in long-term marriages before they figured this out. I know there's a whole lot of officially straight men who enjoy cross-dressing or maybe they dabble a little in homosexuality, but they'll secretly go onto Grindr as cross-dressers try to find someone to cheat on their wives with because they don't feel like they can. They feel so much shame We've talked about this. We're moving shame. They feel so much shame about the idea that they like to wear women's clothing that they cheat on their and they're carrying the shame of their desires. But they're also carrying the shame of being a cheater and their partner is in the dark. And I know marriage is complicated. I'm not gonna tell anybody how to do their marriage, but I feel so sad for that Because it feels like I want a world where you feel like you can tell your partner you like crossdressing or that you're bisexual or whatever, and your partner's just going to go okay, let's figure out how to here. Here's some. Here's some panty. Where my panties? I don't know who cares.

Emily Blake: 20:32

Well, some people care. I don't care, but it's complicated. But I want a world where you feel like you can tell your partner that and your partner's not suddenly threatened. It's better if you feel like you can tell your partner the truth than cheating on them, you know.

Carrie Jeroslow: 20:42

Yeah, exactly, there's so much in that that you just said, and I dream of a world without shame at all. But there's another level underneath that. It's like the woundedness that then created the whatever it is that's done that then causes the shame. So there's a complexity to it, it's multi-layered and at the same time, I love to think of a world without shame where we can be our authentic selves and be accepted. I think that's really what we all want is a place to be accepted and seen for who we really are in people exploring kink and BDSM not for everyone, but for people who are interested, for people who might be listening to this somewhere in the world, who have a curiosity but don't really know much about it. In comes your show Welcome to Kinkyville, which I have seen and I just I love it. It's so approachable, so let's go into that. I'd love to hear more about how you came up with this idea and the process that you went through, because you've been working on this for I think you said four years.

Emily Blake: 21:57

Six years.

Carrie Jeroslow: 21:58

Six years, six years, so there's probably quite a story behind it. We'd love to hear it years.

Emily Blake: 22:04

So there's probably quite a story behind it. We'd love to hear it. It was a combination of my I used to be a teacher and I love to research and I could not know something about a subject and give me like two weeks. I will say I love the internet for that and I read a lot of books. But I was in one of those Facebook groups and I noticed there was a real habit of not always young women, but usually young women coming into the group and saying things like my dom told me he really wants to slap me in the face during sex. I don't like that, but because he's my dom, he says I have to do it. Is that normal? And the amount of times a question like that was asked in that group started to really frustrate me because I kept giving the same answer over and over again.

Emily Blake: 22:40

In polyamory groups, when someone comes in to ask the same questions you've seen over and over again, you recommend the ethical slut. You tell them to go to Unicorns R Us. There are sites, there are books. There is an automatic go here, read this shorthand In kink. There just hasn't been. There are some really amazing podcasts out there that are about kink. If you love queer kink, I highly recommend. What's the Safe Word word? There's sex with emily, which touches on that. There's just a ton of really good ones. But there is no primer, there is no. Go here, read this, watch this. That'll tell you everything that you can just shorthand a new person, and so I was like there should be one.

Emily Blake: 23:19

I also had written a screenplay at the same time that I had decided the frame of the couple that was in the script. I since abandoned that script, but the frame of the couple of the story was going to be a couple that had a show that was doing this. So I was like what if I just make that show? And I was initially just going to have two people in some kind of basement studio just doing YouTube videos. And I met with a friend of mine who's a producer and she was just like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's bigger than that. You should write a whole narrative show and you should star in it. And I was like no, I'm not an actor, I'm a writer, I'll produce, I'm not an actor. She's like Nope, this is too personal to you. You have to star in it. So it was.

Emily Blake: 24:01

Which was this real sex positive group? And I've said, okay, I need someone who at the time I thought I was straight, I'm not. I was like I need someone who is polyamorous or bisexual, a person of color, because I'm white, someone who is a switch or a top, because I'm pretty firmly in the bottom category, basically, someone who is a sex expert, a kink expert, and can be my expert person to do this with. And I found Javeda Bay. She has a series called In Bed with a Millennial. She is all of those things. She's also just an amazing person and has been an excellent collaborator. So I got with her and then the pandemic hit and my dumb ass said, oh, there's no way to do live action right now, let's turn it into an animated series, which is the stupidest thing I've ever said in my entire life, because animated series take way longer to make and I didn't really know anything about animation at the time. I do now, and so years of work. The pandemic came and went and I was still working on this project, but I'm really glad we decided to make it animated because it gives us room to do a lot more magical realism. We can show butts and they're not. It doesn't feel intimidating. It allows for a much more friendly show. So, yeah, it's an animated series about kink education and we have a pilot, or you could treat it as a short film that's basically an introduction to kink.

Emily Blake: 25:19

Gabriel is the aforementioned Dom I was with for four years and when I told him about this project, he voluntarily came on board and fronted the money to shoot a video for our crowdfund. He directed it. He's done a ton. I feel like I'd be remiss, not to mention his contribution, because I couldn't have made this without him. We are no longer together.

Emily Blake: 25:36

We actually broke up two weeks before the crowdfund launched. So it was, it was a fun time, but he was hugely instrumental and also we had just a lot of Kickstarter backers who've been very patient, because this has taken a long time, and they were really supportive and great and I appreciate every one of them, and Dan Savage, who interviewed me on Savage Lovecast, and that, honestly, is the reason this got funded. I don't think we would have gotten funded had it not been for Dan Savage. So I just wanted to mention all of that, but specifically Gabriel, because he put a lot of work and his own money into this, even if we never sell the series, which we're really hoping to do. But even if we never sell the series, that episode is still viable as something you can link to when you meet a new person who wants to get into kink.

Carrie Jeroslow: 26:12

Yeah, and we're going to link it in the show notes and, please everyone, when we're done with this, go watch it. It's, I think, eight minutes. It's short but it's so educational and it's also really fun to watch. So it takes the heaviness out of what this could be for someone who's a little bit nervous about exploring. It brings a lightness to it and is fun, and I think that's a part of any sexual exploration is bringing fun to it as pleasure. Sex is pleasure and any kind of expression in the body. I think if we all targeted more towards pleasure, this would be a better world. And sometimes pain is pleasure in the kink world, and so we'll link that down. So go over and check that out, and I think it's on YouTube.

Emily Blake: 27:00

That's where it's on YouTube. There's also. You can also go to welcome to kinkyvillecom. Yeah, yeah, I think it's on YouTube. That's on YouTube. You can also go to welcometokinkyvillecom.

Carrie Jeroslow: 27:05

Yeah, yeah. So go on YouTube, like it, comment. Let's show the people who are in charge of making things series that this is something that people want. People want this education and again, it's so approachable. I'm very curious where you would go from the pilot and the different episodes that you would have and the different things that you would explore, because I'm similar to you in that I'm curious but cautious, and sometimes I see some heavy duty BDSM kink and I'm like that's not the place for me, that's not going to work for me. So I appreciate the newbie-ness that you have with it that's not going to work for me.

Emily Blake: 27:45

So I appreciate the newbie-ness that you have with it. The objective when I was writing it was thinking about couples that have seen Fifty Shades of Grey and they're like, oh, I don't know, do you want to, maybe you want to get a little spicy? And they just they're like very cautious and they've been like very normie their whole life and they're like, I don't know, spice it up. So those were the people I had in mind when I was writing at least this first episode.

Carrie Jeroslow: 28:02

That really came through, because that's the beginning of the episode.

Emily Blake: 28:04

They're watching a Fifty Shades of Grey, not Gauntlet yeah.

Carrie Jeroslow: 28:08

Yeah, and you're meeting this couple that's only ever had basic sexual experiences together and to see the journey that they go through in eight minutes. And I think the animated aspect I come from production and the arts, the animated aspect makes it even more fun. Thank you, I'm so glad it even more fun. Thank you, I'm so glad it turned out the way it did. So where do you think your future in this area will lead you? Where are you hoping?

Emily Blake: 28:32

Hopefully. Right now, the film industry is in a coma. No one is buying new content, much less new content from somebody who's an unknown. I have some things that are in the works that might help that, but the hope is in the new year, when things start to pick up a or a PowerPoint presentation, more or less, about your project, I'm ready to pitch. We have some connections. We're going to try to take it Honestly.

Emily Blake: 29:01

Netflix is probably the most likely place for this to go, because they've had shows like Bonding and how to Build a Sex Room and Big Mouth and a lot of real sex positive content on there. So I think this is something that could very easily fall on at Netflix but also Amazon Prime. But to be honest, if there's some little network somewhere that wants this, let's talk, because as long as they can afford to make it and I can do anywhere, depending on who wants it 10 minute episodes I think is really good. We can do a half hour if necessary. I modeled it pretty heavily off of Adam Ruins Everything as far as structure and one of the things that Adam Conover has talked about. With Adam Ruins, everything is what used to be a web show, and when they went to TV, they want to do half hour episodes, so they had to do three different stories per episode, per topic, and he talks about how impossibly hard that is. So I was like, yeah, I see that, because I think that each of these topics does warrant 10-ish minutes, and I think trying to make it into three things per episode, then also I could see why it was so challenging for the writing team to constantly do that.

Emily Blake: 30:02

So I think it belongs most likely as a 10-minute show, which there is a precedent for 10-minute animation, 12-minute animation, but I can figure out a way to make it half an hour if somebody wants it to. Anyway, so that's what we're going to do. We're going to try to take it to networks and see if someone would like to buy it. And then in the film industry, when you are not an experienced TV writer which I'm not they will assign you a showrunner. So most likely someone else would be running the actual show, but I would still be the show creator, I would still be largely responsible for a lot of the creative choices, but someone would basically be guiding the show. That's what would end up happening, and I really hope it does, because I actually don't want to be the showrunner. I don't have the adequate amount of experience.

Carrie Jeroslow: 30:42

So that's the goal. So we want to help Emily get this made. I think it's a little underestimated how much it is helpful to go over to YouTube and it's going to be super easily clickable in the show notes and give it a like and leave a comment. That will really help show that there is interest in this and get this made for you. I would love to even go a little bit bigger. In your vision, what do you think a world would look like with less sexual shame and more exploration, in a world where people can know what they want, work through the shame, communicate what they want on a sexual level because we're talking about kink and BDSM what would that world look like?

Emily Blake: 31:30

do you think, for one thing, we'd see less abuse? I think shame is the cause of so much abuse, because if you're doing something you're ashamed of and someone uses it to abuse you, who are you going to tell? You're not going to tell anybody because you don't want anybody to know you're into this weird creepy thing, so you keep it to yourself and you continue to take the abuse. Because they would have more information about how to look for a good partner and what are the red flags. And I think that is a thing that I very much want to see, because the amount of abuse out there in the kink world is pretty high, and it's high because of the shame. I think people would get more enjoyment out of their sex lives. I think marriages would probably be better off if you actually had open communication, and I know there are people who believe that you should just instinctively know what the other person likes, and that is absolutely ridiculous. The whole oh. But if you ask someone if you can kiss them, it takes out the romance. No, let me tell y'all no. The first time I ever kissed my husband, he asked if he could kiss me and it was one of the hottest things ever. So I think it'd just be better for everyone.

Emily Blake: 32:31

Obviously, I'm talking about consenting adults, consenting human adults. One time I said consenting adults on Twitter and someone asked me if I was advocating for people to have sex with goats. So you have to be very specific. Yeah, anyway, that's what I think, as long as it's consenting human adults and you're keeping safety in mind. I'm not saying you can't do unsafe things. Just keep in mind safety precautions as you're going. Then you should be able to do whatever makes you happy without shame.

Carrie Jeroslow: 32:59

Yeah, yeah Well, I am going to hope for a world like that, and it doesn't have to come through BDSM kink, although it can.

Carrie Jeroslow: 33:09

And so, again, knowing yourself I talk about that over and over in this podcast know yourself to know what you want. Know yourself to know what you want. Know yourself to know what you want and, if you need to take a break from all things as much as possible, to get to know who you are. I have so many episodes about getting to know who you are, so you can just look in the catalog and find those, because I give actionable tips to find out who you are and what you want it is really the cornerstone of it. And then working through the shame and working through all the wounds that we pick up through our childhood and all other experiences. So I'm gonna hold that vision with you, emily, and I really am hoping that your series gets picked up and that everyone can benefit from your wisdom and from the way you approach it, which, again, is really whimsical and fun, and you'll be laughing and giggling, I think, as you watch this, instead of maybe seeing something else that you feel intimidated by.

Emily Blake: 34:06

I'm so glad you said that because, honestly, by the 800th time you've watched it, nothing is funny anymore. I don't even know, are these jokes landing? Does any of this work? I can't tell. I've seen it so many times.

Carrie Jeroslow: 34:17

I know that as a director and as a producer, I have that same experience, so I totally get it. But yes, it is, it's fun, it's approachable and it's just so whimsical. So everyone, go click on the link right now to go over to Emily's YouTube channel and like it and comment, please to help her out.

Emily Blake: 34:40

I just go, please go watch it and like it. If we get like a bazillion likes and comments right now, there's a lot of positive comments. I've been waiting for scary old biddies to come and be like how dare you? But we haven't really had that. Maybe it just doesn't attract that yet. Honestly, I feel like maybe we'll have made it when it does. I've gotten, weirdly, no trolling, no hate. I'm the kind of person who automatically just blocks anyway without engaging, so maybe that's why. But so far it's been really positive, which is great, because that means when I take it in to pitch, it'll be like check our YouTube comments, check our likes, check. All of this clearly is something that people want to see. So even if all you do is just like it, you can put it on and then go watch something else. I don't, please don't. But if you do, that still helps us, because the more we can show people like this, the easier it's going to be to pitch as a series.

Carrie Jeroslow: 35:27

Yeah, and I don't even think that people are going to want to put it on and go do something else because, like I said, it's really entertaining and it's 10 minutes. It's really just a fun way to spend 10 minutes.

Emily Blake: 35:36

Everyone go over and check that out, like and comment and if you know anyone who has been curious about kink, or you just want to tell your friends who are like what is this weird thing you do? That's what the video is designed to do. It's designed to be like hey, do you not know anything about kink? But you want to. This is why I made it so people could pass it around when someone's like I don't know, I don't know.

Carrie Jeroslow: 36:02

Maybe I want to try some stuff. Watch this video. I think that's really important, because it's important to have those kind of resources, because when I was exploring relationship diversity in the beginning, and specifically when I was starting to tell friends or family and they were like I don't understand that that's so different, I was like, okay, check out this podcast episode and this video. And it really really helped. And I think that again because the pilot of Welcome to Kinkyville is so accessible. I think that it'd be great education for people who maybe even aren't interested in practicing it themselves, but they want to understand you more and you would love for them to understand you more. So it's a great resource. Go check it out. Again. It's going to be right in the show notes. Emily, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, kerryjerislowcom, instagram or TikTok.

Carrie Jeroslow: 37:46

Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships, or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope all together? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief, shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul-nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there. Currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.