Relationship Diversity Podcast
Every relationship is as unique as you are. Relationship Diversity Podcast aims to celebrate, question, and explore all aspects of relationships and relationship structure diversity. Together, we’ll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships. We’ll ask challenging and transformational questions, like: Who am I? What do I really want in my relationships? Am I in this relationship structure because it’s all I know or is it really the fullest expression of who I am? Being curious, having courage to look within, and asking these important questions creates the space for joy-filled, soul-nourishing relationships. Your host and guide, Carrie Jeroslow is an International Best-Selling Author, Conscious Relationship Coach, and Intuitive. Through this podcast, she helps to normalize discussions about all different kinds of relationship structures from soloamory to monogamy to polyamory, and everything in between. This is a space of inclusivity and acceptance. The time is NOW to shift the conversation to a new paradigm of conscious, intentional, and diverse relationships.Join in as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become.
Relationship Diversity Podcast
Ep. 120: Living More Consciously and Wisely in Your Relationships with Waking Youth’s Carlota Guedes
Episode 120:
Living More Consciously and Wisely in Your Relationships with Waking Youth’s Carlota Guedes
In this episode I welcome Carlota Guedes, an author and podcaster from Portugal, to discuss the concept of Novogamy—a new paradigm of relationships that encompasses intentionality and constant communication. The conversation covers Carlota's personal journey from a conventional monogamous background to exploring diverse relationship structures, influenced by questioning societal norms and personal experiences. Carlota shares insights from her podcast, Waking Youth, which delves into living more wisely into maturity, and discusses her upcoming novel about novogamy. The episode underscores the importance of questioning societal scripts, labeling identity, and intentional living.
00:00 Introduction to Novogamy
01:55 Introducing Carlota Guedes
03:18 Carlota's Journey and Insights
04:09 Exploring Relationship Diversity
06:40 The Concept of Novogamy
08:32 Personal Experiences and Reflections
14:26 The Importance of Labels and Terms
31:34 Living into Maturity More Wisely
46:02 Conclusion and Future of Relationships
Connect with Carlota:
Jorge’s Book: Love and Freedom
This is Relationships Reimagined.
Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.
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Connect with me:
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Get my book, “Why Do They Always Break Up with Me? The Ultimate Guide to Overcome Heartbreak for Good
Podcast Music by Zachariah Hickman
Please note: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or social worker. I am not attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental, or emotional issue, disease, or condition. The information provided in or through my podcast is not intended to be a substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment provided by your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider. Always seek the advice of your own Medical Provider and/or Mental Health Provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your specific circumstance.
in the word novogamy that it's the new, but the new for me what it means is a new paradigm of relationship. So actually you can be fully monogamous or fully polyamorous within novogamy. What this new paradigm is about, I feel, is this intentionality and constant communication with yourself and with your lovers, and my experience of feeling that so many social scripts were not as relevant anymore. I think it resonated because for me it's not so much that it's an identity. Now, novogamous is my identity, but for me it depends so much on the people that I'm relating with that I wouldn't say I'm monogamous or polyamorous is I am me, and it changes all the time how I feel and it's contextual depending on the people that I meet. So Novogamy made enough room for all of this.
Carrie Jeroslow:Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, keri Jaroslow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to bring more unique perspectives into the conversation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Today I'm so excited to share my conversation with Carlotta Geddesh, an author and podcaster, where we talk about her self-inquiry into societal norms, specifically as it relates to relationship structure. We also discuss the premise of our podcast and the idea of what it's like to live into maturity more wisely. As a Gen Z-er and human being in general, carlotta is incredibly insightful, with thoughts and ideas that I feel everyone would benefit from hearing. But first a little about her. Carlotta Geddesh is a communicator interested in personal and collective transformation. She's the author, producer and host of Waking Youth, an award-nominated podcast and newsletter that explores what it means to live into maturity more wisely. As a writer, in addition to regularly contributing to newsletters, online publications and blogs, she's currently writing her first novel, which follows the character Olivia as she transitions from a default monogamous romantic relationship to a novogamous one. She's also a freelance communication strategist, content producer and copywriter for initiatives with a social or environmental purpose. Let's get into the conversation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Hello everyone, and welcome to this episode of Relationship Diversity Podcast. Oh, I've got a great guest for you and I'm excited to have this conversation because I think we're going to get a little peek into a generation that I'm not a part of. My children are a part of it, and learning what relationships are like for Generation Z and also what's going on, what's the pulse. That's what I'm wanting to learn about and we're going to talk about so much more. So I'm excited to welcome Carlota Guedes to the podcast today. All the way from Portugal, we are connecting over Zoom, which is so exciting to be able to connect with people all over the world. So, carlotta, welcome to the podcast.
Carlota Guedes:Thank you, Keri.
Carrie Jeroslow:We met through a group that we're working on together and it is exploring this idea of Novogamy, and that is a concept that was introduced by Jorge Ferrer, which I'm going to link that podcast episode down below because I interviewed him over a year ago and so this group that we connected with is exploring Novogamy and also relationship diversity, and so it's gathered people from around the world to start discussing these concepts and getting them out into the world more. So I've been really intrigued, carlotta, with a lot of your work and wanted to get you here to talk about some things I've been really wanting to talk about. But first, for anyone who doesn't know about you, can you talk a little bit about who you are and how you have come to explore relationship structure diversity?
Carlota Guedes:I'm Carlota, born in Porto, that is a town in Portugal, and I would start by saying that one of the things that really shaped me and brought me on this journey was actually moving to Spain when I was 18 to study abroad and another language English. I studied communication and then I went on to start a podcast called Waking Youth, because I felt that all these invisible social scripts that were passed on on from previous generations were not really helpful in deciding how I was going to go about my life or even helping me make some decisions or think about the different areas of my life. So my intention back then was to gather knowledge and tools to do that transition into adulthood more consciously, and then that turned into a life project. But we can talk a little bit more about that later. So that's waking youth. With each year I realized this is actually an existential question. So if humanity was compared to a single entity, then we would be on a developmental stage compared to a human on their 20s. So it's also this question of how do we mature to respond to the challenge of our times. And then with that podcast, I met wonderful people and that actually was what led me to this term Novogamy and the work of Jorge Ferrer. That was really, I would say, the door to this world of relationship diversity.
Carlota Guedes:Before that, I remember having several conversations with friends about our experience of relationships, how we resonated with the concept of polyamory and back then we were not diving into the books but we just knew the concept and we were curious about it. And then my lived experience was also that I had this very close friend, a woman friend, especially with this woman, that we were very, very close and it was a very beautiful, especially with this woman that we were very, very close and it was a very beautiful emotional, intellectual and spiritual relationship. And then at some point, in the spirit of challenging social constructions, we started exploring each other, also erotically. And yeah, that for me was really incredible to see how I felt so much attraction. Yeah, that for me was really incredible to see how I felt so much attraction, that attraction that was dormant. And then I started questioning, wow, what are all the other things that are dormant Just because society has taught me to only look even at people that way, in that particular way, or to that gender only way, or to that gender only. And then with that exploration with her, and then also our group of friends. They were all very conscious and open and exploring. So with that really started this inquiry also around relationships and we started feeling that we didn't really have a term that defined our relationships.
Carlota Guedes:And then we went on to have each our romantic relationships monogamous, because that's what people did and we just defaulted to that. And then I remember I had at least I remember one relationship comes to mind. It was monogamous and I was traveling alone and I met this beautiful man and he was fully into polyamory and telling me all about polyamory and I really felt a desire to meet him more, not only intellectually we had that opportunity but sexually, because I felt that there was so much I could learn about myself and the world through him. So in that moment it was really like, wow, I really have this wish to actually explore love freely. And I remember I talked with my partner back then and he really did not take it. So then I just it was in the background, but that always stayed with me and so it was only later, years later, I was again in another monogamous relationship and this time much more mature.
Carlota Guedes:I was out of uni that I listened to a podcast about Novogamy and it blew my mind because actually it was really talking about romantic relationships, not focusing so much on this binary but more inviting people to define their relationship as they feel it's right for them, for the people involved. And that really resonated because actually that's what I experienced before with my girlfriend and my friends that we were consciously designing our relationship, sometimes consciously, sometimes less, but we talked about it. And then I invited him to the podcast and with that going deeper, I've never stopped learning and studying this topic of relationship diversity and actually that's even led me on a journey to open my primary partnership, which was closed before, and write a book about it. It really became a life purpose, calling that I didn't choose. It chose me to explore what this even means and what it is about. I feel like it's so much more than relationships. It's about a way of living that is more intentional and open to this mystery of life and love.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's exactly what I was feeling as you were talking and telling us your story, because there is that consciousness even taking the moment to stop and question and asking questions is a way to bring consciousness and maturity into lifestyle, because once you start questioning one thing, it starts affecting everything, and you started that so young and that's what I see actually from your generation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Is this openness to question early? Because I think I had that, but I think it was so pushed down because I grew up in the seventies and there was no real questioning, there wasn't the ability to go online and see things and learn new concepts if it wasn't in your own little community. And I really see that and I'm excited I talk about the fluidity specifically of your age range, and I see it in my kids is they are just exploring the world and seeing how they fit into it, and so I'm wondering what did you see growing up in your family, in your community, and then how did you branch out? I know you said it's something that happened within your own personal life with this woman, a girlfriend, but I'm curious what was before that?
Carlota Guedes:So that's also why I mentioned at the beginning that it was important for me to leave the country I'm from, because actually I come from a somewhat conservative background For sure, conventional and conservative. I studied 15 years in a Catholic school. They were not prescribing religion too much, but it was still very present. So there was a lot of norming and I definitely felt oppressed by that. I didn't know back then and I just internalized that and thought I was wrong. But inside I was always like but why I don't get it, why does it have to be like this? And I wrote about it. So then it was only when I left that I met I think probably this is a kind of universal experience that I was away from my bubble with people that were also away from my bubble, especially the two years. It was rebellion let's test our boundaries and see who we are and even the different language was like a blank page, this fresh start. So for me English is really the language of freedom also.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's beautiful.
Carlota Guedes:I think it's important to say that, even though I was in that conventional conservative bubble, I had my best friend still my closest friend, I would say and we studied in the same class since I was three. He was gay. So for me, the experience of gender, the experience of the gender identity, the sexual identity and the relational identity, for me they're all in conversation, because I do think that if you question one then you will probably start questioning the other ones just because you realize that you don't fit the norm necessarily. I think that for me that was defining in this questioning. So, even though I was in that kind of oppressive bubble, there was always this inner dialogue and then when I went abroad, I really had a playground with other people that felt that way to play.
Carrie Jeroslow:In this idea of relationship, diversity, diversity and novogamy, and creating your own relationship and creating your own identity. The importance of labeling, of finding what it is that can describe our identity. Do you find that is important? Because I've heard lots of different people talk about this idea of I want to label what I am so that I can maybe understand it more, but then it also creates walls that I hit up against when I don't fit into that box.
Carlota Guedes:I was talking with a friend about it yesterday. Actually, she was saying that she knows I'm into relationship diversity and she was saying I really don't have a word that defines my relationship with this woman. We're not really partners, but we're all not really friends, but we're like doing life together and we sometimes are sexual, sometimes not. And I was reflecting again. For me, finding this term novogamy was a relief because I definitely didn't feel just simply monogamous. I didn't think about it consciously but looking back, I was always loving multiple people, or at least wanting to develop relationships with multiple people. And then polyamory in my bubbles it had a bad reputation, either because it was associated to men that like to sleep around with a lot of women, or more new agey and a bit too hippie free love and all of that, though I was also drawn by it precisely because of that rebellious. And then Novogamy I think it resonated because for me it's not so much that it's an identity. Now Novogamous is my identity, but for me it depended so much and it depends so much on the people that I'm relating with that I wouldn't say I'm monogamous or polyamorous. I am me, and it changes all the time how I feel and it's contextual, depending on the people that I meet. So Novogamy made enough room for all of this, so for sure it was important for me. At the same time, I see how, in a couple of years, maybe Novogamous will be like another wall, and then we'll figure out the next.
Carlota Guedes:We're always trying to create language that represents our reality and then it shapes us back, but sometimes it also oppresses us. But I also feel that if we don't have words and terms and we are completely anarchic in that way, it can become a bit chaotic. There was the point that I was experimenting with that in my primary partnership. Okay, let's not really have names and rules, let's just be. But then it takes a lot of energy to constantly check with your partner or partners where are you at, which has a beautiful side side, but then it's also very energy and time consuming.
Carlota Guedes:I do think that labels are extremely useful when there's communities that are oppressed, and so there needs to be some sort of liberation movement, so that the term is like a flag is. This is what we're talking about, and we want to create this reality where we are also belonging and we are heard and we are seen by you, and then I think, ultimately, the utopia is that we don't need these tools, these terms as tools. But it just came to mind this image because I saw that with like gay movement, even race similar and relationships, for because some people are not aware that this is even a topic, so the terms are helpful to like signal hey, this is going on here.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's a great point. It is a call to gather, to say this is us and we're bigger together, and that does create movements. So there is an importance to that. I appreciate you bringing that up. I actually wanted to go back just a second and ask you to define your idea of what Novogamy is for people that don't know and that haven't listened to the episode that I did with Jorge and he went into this a lot. But take a moment of how you would define Novogamy.
Carlota Guedes:So when people ask me, because most people don't know. So it's also nice, also again, that it's a blank page, which I'm sure some people find annoying, but we can talk about it. Like the transgender movement disrupted the binary of male-female, novogamy proposes the same with monogamy, polyamory, to make this kind of parallel with the gender identity, because 10 years ago we were not where we're at now with our understanding of gender identities and their fluidity. I hope that the same is more and more possible for relationships as well and our relational identities and types. And for me what it means is that you're not one or the other, so you're not monogamous or polyamorous, or rather, you could be, but it's not necessarily that you're one or the other. It can be something in between both and beyond, and transcend as well.
Carlota Guedes:And for me these three categories that Jorge talks about and articulates in his book Love and Freedom make a lot of sense.
Carlota Guedes:So hybrid, fluid and transcendental. The hybrid is this idea that you can combine aspects of monogamy and polyamory and create your own style from that. The fluid is that actually it can change. So maybe when you start you want to start monogamous, but then you want to go through a period of exploration, and then you close again, so you have that freedom, and then the transcendental could be either anarchic what you're saying of let's have no labels, let's just relate freely and the transcendental is one that I really resonate with the more spiritual perspective that committing to people is great, but before we commit to people, why not commit to something greater so it could be love itself, human flourishing. And to me, this is my experience, that I'm ultimately in service to life and the life that wants to flow through me, and constantly in that, for me, what spirituality means? To always be questioning where is my integrity, what is my truth? And then from there, committing to people and the people that I feel called to commit, and I think it should be taken with a lot of responsibility.
Carrie Jeroslow:But this is what Novogamy means to me Everything that you talk about, that you just described Novogamy as is about making the commitment to know yourself and to get to know yourself and to get to know yourself as you evolve and grow. Because, as much as some people may try to stay the same for their whole lives, there is a natural evolution. If that life is flowing through you, if you are constantly taking things in and exploring and questioning and engaging in a practice of curiosity of life, there is this natural evolution. And so if the commitment is to knowing yourself and continually questioning curiosity, then it makes sense that there is a fluidity within relationship structure and especially as in a spiritual practice.
Carrie Jeroslow:I had what I call my spiritual awakening at 23. I'm 54. There's been such a like up and down and all around and out into the cosmos and back into the body. There's been such a journey over 30 years of a spirituality within me and that has affected my relationships.
Carrie Jeroslow:I can only imagine what it would be like to start in my 20s in this questioning of structure and this openness to say this is what it is, that it would be easier to in my 50s really flow in between, in and out of different structures and labeling or not labeling, but using myself as the internal compass of how I express myself in every aspect of my life, including relationships. So I think that there's so much wisdom in this idea of novogamy and I want to link Jorge's book into the show notes so people can hop over and look at that because it is such an in-depth look into this idea of transcending this binary monogamy, polyamory Because, I agree with you, there's a lot of people, they have very specific thoughts, come in when they hear those words, and so I think that's one of the things Novogamy is hoping to do is to really transcend all of the beliefs and bring up something new.
Carlota Guedes:Yeah, and I just want to add to that, because also it's contained in the word Novogamy, that it's the new. And then Jorge also talked about we also don't want to create this dichotomy of new and old, but the new for me, what it means is a new paradigm of relationship. But the new for me, what it means is a new paradigm of relationship. So actually you can be fully monogamous or fully polyamorous within Novogamy. I think what this new paradigm is about, I feel, is this intentionality and constant communication with yourself and with your lovers and partners.
Carlota Guedes:And to go back to the beginning of our conversation and how, my experience of kind of feeling that so many social scripts were not as relevant anymore, like the marriage script, like whether you're legally married or religiously married or not I also see I'm watching a show now this Is Us and it's amusing to watch that show with this relationship, diversity and novogamy lens and just analyze the relationships and all the normativity that is happening, like hetero normative and monogamy normative, and just see that. But I also see the beauty of the social script of marriage that even when things are really hard, that you stick together and that you really are in this commitment to love each other and to every day show up and not take the other person for granted. There's so much beauty and wisdom in that and I think that show really captures that beauty. Then what I find is also that it's not because you love your family so much that you cannot love beyond your family.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, that love has its limits, and I think that ties in this idea of free love and I don't see it as that hippie movement although my mom always used to joke that I was a flower girl in my last lifetime because I do love this idea of love without limits, but really peeling away and questioning what are these societal programmings that saying love needs to stop once I'm in a marriage, once I'm in a committed relationship? I love what you said about the beauty of monogamy. At the same time is the idea of it being a conscious commitment, a conscious. This is hard right now, but I am going to stay and show up and choose to come back to this relationship, even if I have other relationships. I am going to choose to show up and that is very different even than default monogamy, which is this is just what I do and I agreed to stay with this person until the end, and so this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to just deal with whatever it is, because the social scripts of what relationships, even marriages, are and how they evolve and there's a lot of programming with that as well. So even doing a step into novogamy is really questioning even that, questioning all of the social scripts.
Carrie Jeroslow:What are the social scripts and why did that develop? And why did that develop in my life and is that true to me? Those are big questions to ask and they can be really scary, because you can come out of that going Ooh, wow, maybe the way I've been living for however many years 20, 30, 40, 50, 70 is not really what I believe. And then there is that space of if I don't believe that, what do I believe? And there's this like bardo, this like I don't know, I'm not there. I'm not there, but where am I? And so it does take a lot of courage and consciousness to start this inquiry for yourself.
Carlota Guedes:Yeah, and sometimes I think about with the default monogamy or default anything. I really feel that we all have this vitality within us and that if we tune in that sometimes it takes a while, but life shows us the way. So if really in my integrity, for my spiritual growth, personal growth, for the impact I have on the world, what I should do is leave this marriage or your partner to do that, I really don't. Yeah, the same with exploring multiple lovers. If this is really what is, then it is tricky though, because I do feel, and not only feel. I see some people using this spiritual jargon to then justify just fucking around.
Carrie Jeroslow:I have heard about that happening Again. I think that is one of the fallouts of the popularization of this non-monogamy. People get into it. They don't really know what they're doing, and that's okay. If you go into it and you don't know what you're doing, that is understandable. It's new. However, if you go into it and you don't know what you're doing, that is understandable, it's new. However, if you go in it in a default way, it does become like oh, I'm practicing polyamory, but really I'm not doing it ethically or consensually and I'm just fucking around and having sex with multiple people, and so it does get abused, which is, again, consciousness bringing it and really getting to know who you are and living from integrity. This is some of what I take from your podcast in terms of how to live into maturity more wisely and from what I understand, it's about all generations. But really coming into maturity more wisely Is that right?
Carlota Guedes:What I observe and I'm a bit cautious about is that, like in this fluidity and deconstruction and post-modernist world that we grew up into, we're really questioning and unpacking and deconstructing, challenging a lot of things from, for sure, relationships, gender, sexuality. I see this also in the workplace, challenging this idea that to be a good person is to have a decent job and to climb the corporate ladder and all of this and all the shift towards freelancing and COVID, accelerating that and working from home and I check this a lot with myself. Is that okay? But if you deconstruct everything, then what is left and what is meaningful and I do feel like it's important to be on this exercise but then to also have the discernment to then also okay, maybe I stop now and I commit.
Carlota Guedes:Uh-huh, yeah, a relationship or to just experiencing this, I don't know. It's just because sometimes I sense that people are a bit lost. My age is like we're all looking and figuring it out and looking, but it's like everyone's like where's the magic recipe? And then we can also spend a lifetime just searching for that. And yet in itself, I think just that exercise is really creating a new way to live. And then even in the topic of romantic relationships, then if a relationship is not about this, necessarily like the building a home together, like materially speaking and family, then what is it about? So this fluidity and all this in project as well, I don't know where it's going and I'm curious to see what will emerge from that. Maybe it will be another movement towards just okay, now we stop with the deconstruction and just make it a bit simpler again and to build.
Carrie Jeroslow:And well, it reminds me of this idea of homeostasis. Balance is that anyone can explore and deconstruct, but if there's no reconstruction in its place, it devolves into chaos. So, finding the balance within yourself and within the community, and within your relationships and your relationships professionally, it's throughout your whole life of finding the breaking down of societal norms. The rebuilding, then, of what you believe, and this idea of attachment and detachment is like the balance between the two. So tell us more about your podcast and this idea of living into maturity more wisely what that means to you. So there's two parts.
Carlota Guedes:One is the waking youth. Even the concept it was inspired by this movie, waking Life, richard Linklater, and the whole premise of the movie is how can we because it's the main character goes in a dream, he wakes up and he wakes up in another dream and then he realizes he's sleeping. He's in another dream. So the question is, how can we make sure we're not just sleepwalking through our waking states, how can we make sure we're not just dreaming? And it explores lucid dreaming and all of that. But when I watch them, the movie, and it's really existential like it explores a lot of existential philosophy and he's really asking himself how can I wake up? And and when I had those moments of waking up in my life, it's really what it felt like I'm waking up from a previous state of sleepwalking. So how can I make this a life practice? To really question myself. And this is how the podcast was born Waking Youth, the youth that is consciously awake or in the process of waking up constantly. Then you know, I grew up, the years were passing and I'm in my late twenties, and then I heard this idea comparing the human humanity to a single being in their twenties in this podcast on being.
Carlota Guedes:And then also Daniel Pinchbeck. He wrote many books In general. In his writing he talks a lot about the absence of initiation rituals in our society, because indigenous tribes have these rituals. Like to become a man, for example, you really need to go through an initiation. Usually, like it's really you have to go through some hardship to get out of the other side of men. Women the same kind of women have the natural period, but still there's no really ritual around that, culturally speaking, at least where I come from.
Carlota Guedes:And so he was also exploring this idea of like what would it take for us to collectively initiate ourselves into adulthood? Because right now we're not really behaving like adults. And this is what I felt when I went to Spain and I knew about the climate crisis and the ecological crisis, but when I really started to study how bad things were and how tied they were with our economic system, and then just questioning everything for myself, I just felt betrayed. What are you talking about? You were supposed to protect me. And then I'm an adult and I wake up and this is what I need to deal with. And now you say it's my, it's on me to save this, to make this better, what? So there was a bit of like wow, that's not really fair. Yeah, I get that, but I'm like, wow, that's not really fair.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, I get that.
Carlota Guedes:But I'm also not going to live in this energy and I really want to live the most beautiful life possible. So what does it mean for me to live into maturity with more wisdom, like perhaps some people didn't in the past and so many did, and there's plenty of elders that actually went through that process and they have so much wisdom to share, and this is the people that I listen to and this is who I hope to become. So it's really about both at the personal like I talk with people that are working in personal development psychology, so attending to this inner dimension but also the outer, external, social change. What does this even mean to start with? What does it mean for us to go about our lives, personally and collectively, with more wisdom?
Carrie Jeroslow:That sounds so important and timely, because it almost feels like we're at a little bit of a crossroads. And which way are we going to go? And I, I'm gonna choose your way, carlotta, I'm gonna choose the waking up way, because I do agree with you. I think there's a lot we've been fed, that we believed and yet there's so much more and we need to do that exploration First. I think it's important for us to be curious and to be open to exploring and finding things that are hard to stomach and that are hard to take in, and then finding ways and collectives to come together to help move through that to a place where we can live with more maturity and with more wisdom.
Carrie Jeroslow:On the topic of relationship, diversity and relationships, this is one of the big ways, because I always say, if we can learn how to relate to others in a conscious and respectful way, then we could really change the world, because everything is relationships, everything. It's a relationship with, of course, every person, but also our communities and, most importantly, ourselves, and with every person, but also our communities and, most importantly, ourselves and with the planet. We are all in relationships and I think that this is a really important area for us to be looking at 2024 and beyond. In your podcast, what kinds of people do you talk to?
Carlota Guedes:So I talk to people that I find wise in some way, independently of age, like that, and people from all backgrounds, social classes and identities. I'm really interested in this intersection of the vertical dimension of personal, spiritual development and social change and collective action, so I bring people from both, or in the integration of that. For example, I interviewed this artist, kaveh zedi. That is really a provocateur. He's a filmmaker and he's really living this question of what does radical honesty mean and really poking people with this. What happened if we were really radically honest all the time? So he's making movies about that, but not only that, he's really living that.
Carlota Guedes:I also talk to some social entrepreneurs, people working in personal development retreats, doing retreats, a lot of artists, and it's also not just experts.
Carlota Guedes:I find this important just because what I find is that there's a lot of podcasts beautiful podcasts that are. They're about knowledge. What I feel that Waking Youth brings is, or the focus of the podcast is in discovering how people became who they are and then, from that, understanding what are they doing in the world, because then you see how they think, because I also find that we have so much knowledge already about how to change things or how to make things better, but I feel that the missing piece is about this relationship, and relationship to ourselves and relationships to life, and so how do we relate even to that knowledge, how do we put that in the world and from where are we sourcing that? I feel that that is equally, if not more, important. So it's fascinating to see, in so many different fields, how these conscious, mature people are really in this process of self-inquiry, and I just find that helpful to unpack that and see those patterns.
Carrie Jeroslow:Well, what I appreciate about what you're looking at are people who, yes, have that inner journey but that bring it out into the world. So it's not just something that stays within, and I'm just doing this inquiry and I think people could bring it out into the world. It doesn't have to be this huge mammoth idea. It can be in the relationships. It could be in the way that I relate with my partner and how and my husband and how that affects the children and then how that generationally will go out into the world, and so it's people making real change. And that's what I love to tell people is that social change doesn't have to be huge, it's intentional and you can make it with an interaction you have with someone that you meet at the store today, and so really thinking about who you are grounding, doing your healing work, your growth, your evolution, and then allowing that to intuitively go out into the world in the way that it's going to go.
Carlota Guedes:Yeah, for sure, and sometimes I'm really surprised by some of the interviews, because I really enjoy interviewing more experts too, like Jorge was also on the podcast and I just learned so much and diving into that is fascinating and the work that he's sharing is so important. And then I interviewed this farmer that he has this very small regenerative project in the north of Portugal and just like listening to him speak and the love he has for what he does and how he, beyond the food that is really nurturing and nourishing people properly is, he has this very innocent kindness and to me this is what wisdom is about it's the impact actually you have on other people.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, well, we're going to have the link to get to the podcast down in the show notes because, please, everyone support Carlotta and the important work that she's doing in the world through this podcast and then through your writing as well, because you're a writer and a creator. Do you want to tell us anything about the book that you're writing?
Carlota Guedes:Sure, in this exploration of relationship, diversity and novogamy. It started very innocently. I didn't think I was going to write a book, but actually I started as just a bit for fun and entertainment and practice with writing. I started writing a short story about this woman that I used to be involved with while I was in this monogamous primary partnership and then months passed and I was writing more and writing more until it actually became a book and I didn't know while I was writing it that it was going to be about this transition from monogamy to novogamy and to open relationships. So it was so beautiful that really I was writing it down as it happened and I didn't know, and it just took me there on this beautiful journey.
Carlota Guedes:So it's a fiction book of Olivia and Fred going through their lives and then going through this transition and it's out of fiction. So it's based on my story and also going a bit more freely in the world of the imagination and it's really sitting with all these questions of what is right, what is wrong, why to love more people, why not to love more people, why not to love more people? What does a primary partnership then look like? What is it about if you're with other people, and is it ultimately about relationships, or is it about something beyond that actually includes relationships? Is it about a way of life in this integrity? What does that even mean? So yeah, that's what it is about.
Carrie Jeroslow:Wow, I can't wait to read that because those are all important questions and I think a lot of people learn through fiction, through storytelling and if we're going on the journey with the characters. Sometimes it's easier to go through those questions than it being nonfiction. Here are some questions that you could ask yourself. We're able to go on this emotional journey with these characters, so do you have an idea of when that book will be published?
Carlota Guedes:I'm in the process of finishing it as good as I can.
Carrie Jeroslow:Then that will be the next stage, but hopefully next year perfect and we can go to your website, which I'm also going to link down below, so we can sign up for your newsletter, and then you'll let us know when the book comes out yeah, for sure.
Carlota Guedes:in the newsletter I also share essays about some explorations. I'm also connected to the podcast and I also give updates about the book and some other things. I'm doing a book club now with this intention of having more conversations in public about these important themes Is the book club online, or is that in person? Yeah, it's online.
Carrie Jeroslow:It's online, so anyone in the world, and what kind of books do you focus on?
Carlota Guedes:is it a variety of different subjects or relationships, so it's actually like a mix of a workshop and a book club. So we're focusing on one book only for now and then we'll see. We're focusing on on Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke. So each week we read a letter and from that starting point of the letter sit with these big questions, big life questions.
Carrie Jeroslow:So, if you're listening to this anywhere in the world, you can go to Carlotta's website and check out the book club and be a part of a community who are coming together to ask these questions. Because I've said it time and time again and I will continue to say it when you are exploring outside of these societal norms, to have a group that you can explore with really is helpful. It is helpful especially if there are areas maybe you're nervous to explore or you feel like you're going to get stuck. Having people to reignite and to come together is so helpful. So, please, everyone, go to Carlotta's website and check out the book club and her podcast and her sub stack and all the amazing work that you're putting out into the world. Carlotta, I'm so thankful that you've spent time with us today. I do have one last question, and that question is what would you love to see as the future of relationships five, 10 years from now? How would you like to see relationship diversity, Novogamy, evolve in the next five to 10 years?
Carlota Guedes:That's a beautiful question.
Carlota Guedes:I'm really thinking about it a lot and feeling into it lately and it's also connected with the question of what does it mean to love and what is love?
Carlota Guedes:And to me, ultimately, the goal or kind of the utopia and the vision is this notion that there's no separation.
Carlota Guedes:Ultimately, I choose to see life in this way, that we are one consciousness, having these multiple experiences in our containers and different glasses, but ultimately we're all coming from the same energy and entity and mystery. So it's to really just relate from that deep knowing. And if we're really in touch with that deep knowing, then we can look into each other's eyes now and see that mystery in the other's eyes and maybe we can stay here a lifetime in this relationship, because that is the life that wants to emerge within us and between us. But maybe not, and if it's not, then I also don't feel wronged. If you want to go or the other way around, to really trust that, ok, if the life in you wants to go, then go, and then we can really just feel much more support and really allow ourselves to flourish in this short time that we have here on earth. This is a bit abstract, but this is my dream, that's, to experience relationships from this inner knowing and place.
Carrie Jeroslow:I love that. That is very much aligned with my hopes as well, from that bigger spiritual viewpoint and spirituality is a term that's it's so different for every single person but that connection, the oneness, and I really hope that we can live into that, that knowing, because I think we would be treating each other very differently if that was the foundation of of how we lived our lives, from that belief of oneness.
Carlota Guedes:Also this relationship diversity. For me it's very centered in romantic relationships, of course, or it's about romantic relationship, but ultimately it's also about all sorts of relationships and in a way, with friendships, I think we're closer to experiencing that already because we're not placing so many expectations on each other. It's in a way, more unconditional that love, there's space around it, and now I'm doing this book club, as I was telling you, and Rilke talks a lot about love. This poet, rainer Maria Rilke, and one of the things he says about love, or the highest, most pure form of love, is the love that consists of two solitudes defending border and greeting each other. And the solitude is your individuality but is also that unique place where you also are able to tune into that universal consciousness and oneness. So for me it's really about that and being able to do that, to relate with that understanding.
Carrie Jeroslow:Well, that was like a mini little book club moment, because you talked about something that you read and something that you thought about and how that is a deeper curiosity within you that's coming up with questions. And I think sometimes, when we go into this inquiry, there are more questions in the beginning than answers. Even for me, I'm still feel like I'm in the beginning and I'm 30 years into it and I still sometimes have more questions than answers and I think that's okay, that's okay and that's beautiful to be in that. And then when the answers come like I know the difference of the answer coming from my own individual intellect and coming from something bigger that comes into me like wow, I would not even have thought of that in that way, and it's a feeling in my body that makes it feel expansive and not constrictive. And so it is just this path that you're walking on.
Carrie Jeroslow:And is there an end? I don't think so. I don't think that there's an end, at least not in the human form that there is, like all the answers will be there and then it's that way until the end of life. Anyway, wow, well, we could go into more existential questions, but we'll save that for another conversation. Questions, but we'll save that for another conversation. Carlotta, thank you so much for being here, and everyone, please go check out her work and check out that book club. And as a beautiful thing about 2024 is, we can be connected throughout the entire world. And if you feel called and resonant to join Carlotta's community, go check it out. Thank you so much for being here.
Carlota Guedes:Thank you, keri, and thank you also for creating this space for this very important inquiry.
Carrie Jeroslow:Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my YouTube channel, where I'll give you even more free resources and information, all about relationship diversity. I'm super excited to go deeper into YouTube because I'll be able to connect and have conversations directly with you. You'll find the link in the show notes. Stay curious.
Carrie Jeroslow:Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships? Or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope altogether? If this sounds like you, my recent book. Why Do they Always Break Up With Me? Is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.
