Relationship Diversity Podcast
Every relationship is as unique as you are. Relationship Diversity Podcast aims to celebrate, question, and explore all aspects of relationships and relationship structure diversity. Together, we’ll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships. We’ll ask challenging and transformational questions, like: Who am I? What do I really want in my relationships? Am I in this relationship structure because it’s all I know or is it really the fullest expression of who I am? Being curious, having courage to look within, and asking these important questions creates the space for joy-filled, soul-nourishing relationships. Your host and guide, Carrie Jeroslow is an International Best-Selling Author, Conscious Relationship Coach, and Intuitive. Through this podcast, she helps to normalize discussions about all different kinds of relationship structures from soloamory to monogamy to polyamory, and everything in between. This is a space of inclusivity and acceptance. The time is NOW to shift the conversation to a new paradigm of conscious, intentional, and diverse relationships.Join in as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become.
Relationship Diversity Podcast
Ep. 113: Polyamory on Purpose: 4 Pillars to Thrive in Your Relationships with Chaneé Jackson-Kendall
Ep. 113:
Polyamory on Purpose: 4 Pillars to Thrive in Your Relationships with Chaneé Jackson-Kendall
In this episode of the Relationship Diversity Podcast, I welcome Chaneé Jackson Kendall, a polyamorous educator and activist. We discuss Chaneé's journey into polyamory, her work in polyamorous education and activism, and her concept of 'intentional polyamory.' The conversation delves into Chaneé's four pillars of intentional polyamory - self-work, relational culture, information sharing, and community. Chaneé shares her insights on how polyamorous people can thrive in their relationships by intentionally deprogramming harmful beliefs and structures. The episode also emphasizes the importance of supportive communities and continuous personal growth. Additional topics include the impact of cultural heritage on relationship structures and the importance of visibility and inclusivity in the polyamorous community.
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So many people fuck up, but they don't fix it. The fucking up alone is not how you learn. Learning what you did wrong, how to improve better and then having the courage to be vulnerable again and try again and then get it right. That's how we learn.
Carrie Jeroslow:Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Keri Jaroslow. Bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. All that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to bring more unique perspectives into the conversation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Today, I'm honored to talk with Shanae Jackson Kendall, a polyamorous educator and activist. We talk about how she sees her polyamorous experience as a cultural return and about what she calls polyamory on purpose or intentional polyamory. She also shares her four pillars of intentional polyamory and so much more. This was an incredible conversation, but first a little about her. Shanae Jackson Kendall she her the magic is a polyamorous mama, educator, relationship coach and reluctant content creator who co-founded Black Poly Pride in 2019. She's been non-monogamous and kinky for over a decade, shanae is dedicated to polyamorous education, outreach and activism. In late 2022, shanae launched Intentional Polyamory, a thriving educational initiative that provides one-on-one coaching in addition to a rolling cohort to teach people how to create harmonious and fulfilling polyamorous lives on purpose. Let's get into the conversation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of Relationship Diversity Podcast. I am so honored to have my guest with me Today. I have Shanaad Jackson Kendall and I feel like I have a polyamorous elder in the highest respect here with me, because Sinead has been teaching and has been a polyamorous educator for over a decade and has been living a polyamorous lifestyle for almost a decade and a half to two decades. She has so much experience and she is going to bring all that wisdom today to educate and to bring a broader perspective to the polyamorous lifestyle and specifically black polyamorous lifestyle, because it is different than mine, it may be different than yours, and it's important to get broader perspectives into this conversation because we're not seeing it and we need to learn more. And so, with that, shanae, welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy to have you here.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Thank you so much. I'm super duper excited to be here with you today and really appreciate the invite to come and talk about some of my favorite topics.
Carrie Jeroslow:So, for anyone who does not know anything about you, I would love for you to introduce yourself and tell us how you got to this space of polyamory, education and activism.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Tell us how you got to this space of polyamory education and activism. So, for anybody who doesn't know me, I am Black polyamorous queer. I'm a very happy and proud mom and I have been living an openly and active polyamorous life for maybe almost about 15 years at this point.
Carrie Jeroslow:And you've been educating too right.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Yes, my educational path very much became a I want to see people who look like me living a non-monogamous lifestyle, and so much of what is portrayed in the media is very, very whitewashed and it's one specific way. And so when I realized how narrow the representation was of Black polyamorous people, I kind of realized I had to step up. And if not me, then who?
Carrie Jeroslow:What are the reasons that you think? And this is an education for people to know why it mainly looks like a white experience.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It's like a white experience for the reason for all kinds of fucked up shit in the world. Right, it's colonialism, it's racism, it's socioeconomic elitism and it's access. So much of the media that we take in about polyamory is podcasts and social media and things that are a privilege to have time to create, and a lot of that privilege of time to create those things and the freedom to speak out about the way you love are things that Black people have been intentionally and systematically disenfranchised from having those things. So it's not that we're not out here, it's just that nobody's listening. And as a Black content creator and educator, I have to be twice as good. There is nobody of any race that has as much experience in polyamory and specifically the way that I'm living. I'd be unwilling to have that conversation with anybody and yet my followers are very low. People don't know about me. People find me and they think that they've discovered me when I've been doing this work longer than they've been an adult, and it's because of racism. Quite frankly, it's because of colonialism.
Carrie Jeroslow:And there are many Black people, people of color, Indigenous, that are experiencing polyamory and have been way longer right, it's from the roots of their culture. Can you go into that a little bit?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Absolutely. The collectivism that is a cornerstone of communal styles of non-monogamy are cultural for us. So when we talk about this idea of a nuclear family, so when we talk about this idea of a nuclear family, that is not a Black and brown practice at all, that were not in a house with only two adults and being taken care of by people who were paid. That's just not our culture. And a lot of times in our culture in a lot of African-American communities we're still side-eyeing people who get nannies.
Carrie Jeroslow:I love that. It is so foreign to my experience growing up, even though I had a bigger family. Could you paint the picture of what that looked like in your childhood?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:for me as a child still exist to this day. So if you ask any Black person to talk about their cousins, aunties and uncles, you will soon learn that cousin, auntie and uncle are not titles that are ascribed only to people that we have blood relationships with. My mother's best friends have been my aunties since day one. It didn't even occur to me that these women were not related to me, and even in how I show up in the world today, you can look at my mother's closest friends and see all the ways that who they are became a part of who I am and what I took from them. If I needed to pick up the phone right now, if it's an I need, I have a flurry of aunts and uncles who will and do always rise to the occasion for me.
Carrie Jeroslow:And so how did that influence the way that you showed up into polyamory?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Well, I will say that it's never been foreign for me not to love and live life with one person. I am not at all trying to say that Black people are inherently polyamorous not in the way that we hold our loving relationships, but we are inherently community-based, and so, as a result, I never thought that my child's life would be made up only of me and his father. That was never my plan, and I have just accepted that some of the loving adults in his village will be people that I am also romantically and sexually engaged with.
Carrie Jeroslow:It seems so healthy.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It's definitely. I will say that I entered motherhood as a polyamorous person with the intention of raising my child with multiple loving adults, and the way that children are being raised in a two-parent household on purpose, that's not something I would ever sign up for.
Carrie Jeroslow:I get that because I'm doing that and it's really hard. It's hard to be a person.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:In our polycule we talk about the ways that being a parent on a four-person team allows everyone the space to be a person and not just a parent.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, yes. That's so powerful and there's so much to learn for someone like me who hasn't had that experience and would love to have more community living. How would you, even as a coach, help someone like me who hasn't had that experience but who really desires more of a community, to raise children, to feel like a person and to feel like I'm a part of something?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:My best advice has always been that everybody does what they're good at. I went to Georgia Tech. I met my husband at Georgia Tech, so I get very nerdy about the intentional creation of community. And in the intentional creation of community and in the intentional creation of community, everyone has a specific set of skills and our community is going to operate best if everyone does exactly what they're good at, because it means it's going to leave us the most time for joy and pleasure and recreation if everyone does what they're good at.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, and if people are doing what they're good at, typically they like what they're doing and that brings more joy and feeds more joy into the community.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And if I'm a happy stay at home mom, then I'm happy to take care of your kids on some occasion too, because I'm happy to do that. You go to work and make sure these bills are paid, and I will keep up with the PTA and I will make sure that the child who is outgrowing his clothes every day has clothes, and I will make sure the refrigerator is stocked in, because I don't like when people tell me what to do. I have no business being at anybody's nine to five, right, right, and my husband hates multitasking. He has no business trying to manage a child's calendar. I have other partners who are good at other things, and we all do the things that we're good at, and we do it for everybody.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's so powerful, and I had a similar experience in my parenting journey, where I had children in what I call the Pinterest parenting era, and I am just not a Pinterest parent. I do not find joy in making cute sandwiches and engaging with the children all the time doing science projects and coming up with art projects.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I'm an Amazon Prime mom myself. I'm a Target pickup mom. You got to find your kind of mom. I'm an Uber. Eats is on the way, kind of mom Totally.
Carrie Jeroslow:I wish we had Uber Eats in my area, but I think that I had the biggest aha moment when I accepted that that wasn't me, that wasn't my strength, but that there are other people that I could join with, who would do an art project with my kids, who absolutely loved it, and then I could do the things that I love, which is go on long walks with my children, have conversations about the world and kindness and compassion and how we can be more compassionate, and those kinds of things like that really brings me joy, and so it sounds like what you're talking about. I want to go into when you were talking about intentionality and you talk about intentional polyamory.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I do.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:That is my brand, is one of my brands.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So intentionality one of the things that I have realized in my coaching practice and talking to lots of non-monogamous people is that non-monogamous people arrive at polyamory and open relationships.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:They arrive at all levels of ethical non-monogamy from different places along the spectrum. Some people may have started out with the occasional threesome or going to swingers clubs or enjoying going to topless resorts or however it shows up in their life, and sometimes they get around to polyamory. But in doing that they bring other ways of being that are great and work in other kinds of non-monogamy. They bring those ways of being into polyamory and some of those ways of being, particularly, for example, if you just need to wrap your head around it, swinging is very ownership-based Ownership, very permission, so it's what are you and your partner allowed to do? But if you bring that same mentality into polyamory, it's completely antithetical to polyamorous success, and so the idea of intentional polyamory is a deprogramming of the things we've learned from toxic monogamy and from other forms of non-monogamy that do not suit people who are trying to have multiple, harmonious, long-lasting, non-monogamous relationships.
Carrie Jeroslow:So what are some of the biggest beliefs that you're finding needs to be deprogrammed in that process of becoming more intentional?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So a scarcity mindset is something that a lot of people bring into polyamory, and if you're not able to let that go, you're going to have a really hard time. If you believe that there is not enough, I believe that scarcity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. To the extent that you believe there is not enough, there will never be enough for you. I also think that there's a big ownership.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Monogamy teaches us two things that are just terrible, that you would hear probably at every monogamous Christian wedding this idea that two people become one it's horrible, you're not, you're your own fucking person, and then that's terrible, people have a hard time. And then the idea of ownership you know how like so sorry, I hope I don't offend any Christians, but that idea that it's my body now belongs to you and your body now belongs to me, which is completely antithetical to bodily autonomy. Those things are really hard for people to let go of, and so they come to polyamory with these preconceived notions that they own their partner and that they are one and must move as one, and so one of the first things that I have to help reprogram is that polyamory is a journey of self.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It is primarily a journey of self. So, no matter what your relationship status is while approaching polyamory, you cannot run from yourself. You're going to have to face your own shit. You're going to have to work for your own shit.
Carrie Jeroslow:And that's a huge message that I talk about in relationship diversity it's a similar thing. No matter what relationship structure you're in, the most important one is the relationship with yourself, is knowing yourself, and it does take a lot of consciousness and courage to look at yourself and say, oh shit, I still have that belief or I didn't realize I have that belief.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I'm over a decade in and I'm still facing some of that deprogramming I just talked to you about. It's insidious, because we live in a world where those things are constantly pumped out to us. I still have to face new things that have creeped in where I'm like is this an ownership mentality? Is this scarcity? Am I afraid, Am I holding myself back due to some preconceived notion that self-work that's the first pillar of intentional polyamory. We start at self-work and that is a continuous process that you never get done with.
Carrie Jeroslow:I love that you say that and I'm going to second never get done with. I love that you say that and I'm going to second, third and fourth. That is that, yes, it is a continual evolution because I think about Disney movies and there's just so much programming and Disney movies and one of my favorite fairy tales was Cinderella. I saw it probably when I was three years old and there's so much in that and I love that you say that it is continual. Looking at your programming and it'll pop up in a moment when you're like, oh, I thought I got through that, but there's a deeper level to it.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So I continually transcend.
Carrie Jeroslow:Absolutely, and I think that that's important to acknowledge, because I think a lot of people want to say, okay, I did the work I should be done, right.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:But if I have done the jealousy workbook and I will never feel jealous again. We've handled that.
Carrie Jeroslow:Right, right, and I think it's a realism. That's important and if we can just say, okay, I'm never going to have it all done, or I don't know the time that I'm going to have all of the issues reprogrammed and going into it with a state of curiosity, I think will help release this. I'm trying to get to this place that I think is this magical place where everything will be okay. I won't feel jealous.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It's not about everything being okay, and this is the way I say. It is very succinct. So it's not if players are gonna fuck up, because players always fuck up. It's how you recover that matters. What do your rupture repair skills look like? Or what are our core values as a partnership or as a polycule? How do we bring each other back to those time and time again? The second pillar of intentional polyamory is relational culture. So that talks about how do we treat each other, how do we move, what are our founding principles and how do we want to feel around one another. And so when someone is deviating from that relational culture that we have intentionally created, you can say we really value openness and transparency, and I see that's not something that you're upholding right now. How can I bring you back to that?
Carrie Jeroslow:Ooh, yeah, that feels so good, that feels so supportive. Other than you messed up, you weren't open.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:be better so instead of calling and saying why didn't you call me this morning? Relational culture makes us say, hey, I really value touching base in the morning, so I'd like it if we, before we start our day, we can always take some time to connect, whether it's a voice call, a video call or a text. So if by 12, I haven't heard from you, if we've already made that commitment, then I can call you with curiosity and say hey, baby, are you having a rough morning? Is everything okay? You've deviated from our relational culture in a way that makes me concerned about you not upset with you, but concerned about you.
Carrie Jeroslow:Such a different way than what we see out there.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And even it goes against our natural inclination. But that natural inclination is based on fear and it's not rooted in love. I have this tattoo that puts love over fear and I'll share the link with you to the post about this. But every decision in our life, we can go the path of fear. We can go the path of love. One of the things in my relational culture that I established is that I will always choose love over fear. That doesn't mean that I'm not experiencing fear, but it means that I'm going to choose the path of love.
Carrie Jeroslow:Wow, sinead, you're amazing. Okay, I'm learning so much. I love that. So you talked about the first pillar being work with self and the second pillar being relational culture.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Absolutely.
Carrie Jeroslow:And I know there's four. So can you tell?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:us next? Yeah, so the third pillar of intentional polyamory is I always say this is where non-monogamous relationships go to die. And the third pillar is information sharing, Because what to share, how to share with whom to share it, in what manner, to share it at what frequency, how quickly those things, if not properly, intentionally and directly negotiated, can screw up a relationship.
Carrie Jeroslow:Information share. Okay, so I'm thinking when to share what people wanna know and really getting clear on what people wanna know.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Do I feel comfortable sharing, wanna know what do I have consent to share? And then am I sharing that actively or passively? We get into all of that in our cohorts and in my one-on-one coaching and we figure out your personal preferences. The reason why it's three is because you pick up something you need in each pillar. So your self-work helps you to deeply know yourself, what you want, what you're good at, what you're not good at. Then the relational culture helps us decide how we want things to feel. Culture helps us decide how we want things to feel. And then we build in the third pillar. We build information sharing agreements that support that relational culture that we want to build. No-transcript.
Carrie Jeroslow:Right, right. So what's the fourth pillar?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:The fourth pillar of intentional polyamory is community, because there are no relationships that can thrive in isolation. We all need somebody, and what non-monogamous people need is other non-monogamous people that they're not fucking to be able to be in community with. If all the non-monogamous people you know are in relationship with you, you do not have any non-biased advisors. You don't have any spaces you can go to where you and your partners can simply be yourselves, and that's crucial to the harmony and longevity of relationships. Every party that we go to you have to introduce me as your friend. That relationship's not going to last long. That's a big part of why I live in Atlanta.
Carrie Jeroslow:I am.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Black and queer and polyamorous, and I need to be able to go outside and be gay in public all the time, and so I was born and raised in Atlanta, through a happy accident of my birth, and I love it here. I love to travel, but I have intentionally chosen to root myself and my family in a community that supports who we are.
Carrie Jeroslow:So your course sounds amazing and I'm curious what your inspiration in doing that course. Where did that come from? Because you were clearly seeing something that was not happening and needing to create something to fill that void.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Absolutely. The need that this cohort fills is how we talked about people arriving at non-monogamy from all different places, and they have a vague idea of where they want to go, and all they know is that what they're doing is not leading them anywhere closer to whatever their particular ideal of polyamorous success is. So I am not one of those people who thinks that there is one true way to do polyamory, but I am someone who believes that there are, in fact, best practices depending on what your intentions are, and so the intentional polyamory starts with your individual intentions. So what I saw was that people wanted to be, they wanted to experience abundant love, but they wanted to do that within scarcity, like buckets. I want the safety and security of being in a hetero, appearingogamous, appearing marriage, but I also want to feel abundantly loved.
Carrie Jeroslow:Something's got to give right, they don't go together which one do you want more?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:and some of my coaching absolutely results in me telling people I don't think that non-monogamy is for you, and I'm not scared to tell people that, because everything is not for everybody. And I'm also not scared to tell you you don't have to choose. Do you want to be safe or do you want to be happy? Do you want to be right or do you want to repair? We have to make hard choices in life, and the way that we're pushed into thinking that there's only one way, like I love to ask people when did you choose to be monogamous? You're right.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:That's what I call default monogamy right, and so I also coach people who are intentionally monogamous. But whatever it is we do intentional relating that is our bigger umbrella, so we do all kinds of coaching. On my team and in my polycule I have coaches who specialize in spirituality, coaches who specialize in kink and polyamory and the intersection they're in, and so we want to make sure that, however it is that we're defining success for ourselves, we are building infrastructure in our lives that support that type of relationship.
Carrie Jeroslow:I love that idea of however we are defining success in relationship, because that is very wounded as well. That's a very wounded subject of success and what that looks like, because for me, growing up, success is the longevity of the relationship, regardless of the quality of the relationship and how you feel in the relationship, and that's something I've wanted to debunk for a long time and have done many episodes about it, and so having people come to their own vision and version of what success looks like is a great foundation for then creating whatever structure and whatever that structure looks like.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Absolutely, and I am blessed to come from a long line of very long marriages. My parents are celebrating 50 years married next year and that has shown me that I think that there is so much that you can learn from what longevity looks like in relationships. But I'm also very, very blessed for my parents' relationship to have also shown me what happiness looks like, and what happiness looks like in a five-year relationship can be vastly different with what happiness looks like after 50 years.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And you might be able to have a five-day relationship that is successful for you because it accomplishes what you want it to feel, what you want it to do, and I'm all for help of her coaching you to that, if that's what you want. I have a very close friend who what my idea of polyamorous happiness and success looks like would make her break out in active hives and have a panic attack. That many people around her talking to her in her daily life, people in her house period besides her and her dog, would drive her crazy. We have very different ideals of polyamorous success and yet we are both achieving what we feel on a daily basis is happiness, under the same umbrella of non-monogamy.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, I don't think it's talked about enough what the difference is between a happy, fulfilling, five-year relationship as opposed to one that is 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, because I'm nearing 20 years in my relationship with my husband and it looks so different. But I think it's not talked about other than tuning in with myself and feeling like how does it feel within me? There's not a lot of models out there that show the difference between a fulfilling, successful, within myself relationship of five years and one of 20 years and one of 50 years.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And that is why that's one of my favorite parts about my cohort is that my partners are very involved in the cohort as well. So you get to see my husband and I are approaching year 16 in a couple of months 16 years together. We celebrated 10 years married this year. And you also get to see me with one of my newer partners and you get to see the different ways that we interact, the different way that we communicate, the different ways that we flirt, like flirting between me and one of my partners is baby, I paid the mortgage and I put a little extra in your account. That's flirtatious, while I might be sexting another partner all day and that's flirtatious. And both are making me feel happy and whole and loved and juicy. It just looks different.
Carrie Jeroslow:Well, that's another debunking of this need for all of the relationships to look similar. And my relationships are so different because the people I'm in relationship with are very different people and they bring up different parts of myself and so, exactly like you said, they look very, very different. Can you speak to that a little bit?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Oh, absolutely One of the things that in Black polyamorous online community, one of the things that comes up a lot is even if we're dating the same person, no, we aren't.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I agree with you that everyone brings something different out of someone, and so, while there may be some baseline, recognizable things about who I am, my spirit, my art, my character, how I relate to one person, is going to look totally different, and that's why one of my favorite Shanae-isms and that's one of the things that you're gifted in the cohort you get a list of Shanae-isms that can carry you through your relationships. You get a list of shanaisms that can carry you through your relationships. One of my favorite shanaisms is well, two of them is to keep your eyes on your own paper and get you some business, and so we go into detail about what that entails and how you find going back to that idea that polyamory is a journey of self. How do you find self-happiness, how do you root yourself in your relationships and make sure that you're happy and getting what you need and not focus on what anybody else?
Carrie Jeroslow:That's so supportive. It's so supportive because again I have seen in the polyamorous space and the non-monogamous space, this idea of like it should be this way, it should look like this way and you starting with work on self is. It's just so powerful. I think it will really create big shifts in people's lives more than trying to follow rules.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And that is something that I try to warn people. But I am so reluctant. I never want to sound like markety and preachy. You know how people love to call things like life-changing experiences, and so one part of me is like ew, don't want to sound like a commercial. But the other part of me has definitely been like people are mid-cohort and they're like no-transcript. We are like this situation is happening in my life, let's figure it out.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And there's also a partnered assignment where you get paired with someone different throughout the week to discuss what's happening in the curriculum that week. So there's lots of different layers where you get to really explore who you are, how you feel about things and learn more. I love this idea of supportive so more supportive ways of achieving your version of happiness. And I have to say this I wouldn't be me if I didn't say this I have some very strong opinions on what actually leads to polyamorous success, very strong opinions about it, and those opinions are based in all the ways I they don't fix it. The fucking up alone is not how you learn Learning what you did wrong, how to improve better and then having the courage to be vulnerable again and try again and then get it right. That's how we learn.
Carrie Jeroslow:This is why I think it's so important to have a coach like you and why I want to encourage anyone who is listening, who wants to venture in to polyamory, non-monogamy or, I would say, really just better relating, like you said, intentional, relating to connect with Sinead, because when you're going into these deep parts of yourself it can be really scary, but to have a support like Sinead being there and putting it real right to you.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:My clients will tell you I'm going to love you through it. I'm going to tell you the truth, though. I'm going to absolutely tell you the truth I'm going to love you through it. It's going to be hard, but worth it, and that's how I hold this idea of non-monogamy. I don't think it's any harder than monogamy, really. I just think we because people love to say these things about polyamory and other forms of non-monogamy as if monogamy is just working really well. It's not like you guys are happy. Oh, that sounds like a lot of work, and I'm like if you were doing this work in your monogamous relationship, you'd be much happier.
Carrie Jeroslow:Definitely, yeah. Yeah, I appreciate the reality check and this is what I say with anyone because polyamory, non-monogamy, it's having a moment and that's good in a lot of ways and it's, I think, bringing a lot of people to saying, oh, that sounds like that'd be really cool, that'd be really fun, and going into it with less intention and causing more damage.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:And they're only doing it in the ways. This is where the media is creating this horrible feedback loop, because when you are a married upper middle class white couple living in the suburbs looking for your unicorn to mistreat like a sex toy, that doesn't go well. But if you saw healthier, better, more diverse, queer, BIPOC ways of being polyamorous and existing in community, if you tried those ways, it would work better. So we're getting a bad rap because all they're showing is people who don't know what they're doing.
Carrie Jeroslow:So we're getting a bad rap, because all they're showing is people who don't know what they're doing Totally, and a lot of people like drama and so to see something working really well doesn't fulfill.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It's not as interesting.
Carrie Jeroslow:Ah, yes, yes, yes. So, sinead, do you have a cohort starting soon?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I do. My new cohort starts on October 13th and registration ends on the 7th of October, so it is currently open for registration and for the rest of September I am doing free fit calls so we can set up a 15 minute call. I can talk to you about what intentional polyamory is, whether it might be right for you, and so I think I sent you the link. So if any of your listeners want to just sit and chat with me about whether it'd be a good opportunity for them, I'd love to do that and as part of my commitment to equity and community as a value, we do have sliding scale prices, and then sometimes I'm able to even offer scholarships. So intentional polyamory is something that I want people, whoever wants the information and the knowledge I want them to have it.
Carrie Jeroslow:For anyone who may have missed this cohort, the fall cohort what does your 2025 schedule look like? Will you be doing any other cohorts this year?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So this is the last cohort of 2024. I do take most of November and all of December off to spend time with my family, to recharge, to regenerate, to celebrate the holidays, and then we have a cohort scheduled for early 2025. Don't quote me, but I do believe it starts in early February. There are anywhere between four and six cohorts slated for next year, but we're going to be doing some specialty cohorts next year.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So, we have a cohort for kinky non-monogamous people. We have a cohort for spiritual non-monogamous people. I'll be doing another one of my cohorts for helping professionals, where I work directly with coaches and therapists and somatic practitioners to learn how to support polyamorous people better. So we have all those opportunities, but I must remind you that today's price is not yesterday's price. So keep in mind that this cohort of the year will be the last pricing model where we are at. We're going to be adding some in-person elements and doing some traveling in 2025. So there'll be a great opportunity if you're hearing this before this cohort starts to take advantage of that opportunity.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's amazing and Sinead. Do you have a community that people can connect with you? Do you have a community that people can connect with you? I loved this about your bio you said you're a reluctant content creator, and I so understand that. How can people connect with you? I know that they can check out your IG. I've seen you on IG. Where else are you?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I actually have a community in Mighty Networks, so all of our cohorts are housed in Mighty Networks, and then we have a very thriving I like to call it our pre-alumni community and then our alumni community. So there are people there who are subscribed monthly, where you get to attend any ad hoc events that we do Every two weeks. We have a community-wide office hours where we talk about different topics that are related to polyamory, and so that option is also available. Like on the link when you go to check out the cohort, you can also see options to join the community on a monthly basis.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's an amazing way to be a part of your community and to get the community support, which is the fourth pillar of intentional polyamory. Do you do one-on-one client work?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:I do and I love it. That's my heart work, so I love to work one-on-one with clients. I love to work with couples polycules I love. One of my favorites is a metamorph session. Those are really great.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Yeah, and so I do absolutely offer different options for my coaching. If you look at my coaching site, you'll see options. I do asynchronous coaching via Marco Polo and we can do a 30 minute or a one hour. I love to work with clients that way, and if you follow me on social media, sometimes you'll see like a discount day on days that I have gaps in my calendar. Sometimes I'll do new client specials as well, so watch for that.
Carrie Jeroslow:And who are the people who you would describe as the perfect person that would need Shanae Jackson Kendall's one-on-one client work?
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:So you need one-on-one client work if you really want to change your life and just don't know how. If you know where you wanna go but don't know how. If you know where you want to go but don't know how to get there. If you know how you want to feel but don't know how to call those feelings in. If you know the type of relationships you want to have, but you are struggling with limiting beliefs that are holding you back from having the kind of relationships you want to have. You need some Sinead in your life and I need you in my life.
Carrie Jeroslow:Oh, amazing. Well, this podcast is listened in 75 different countries and territories, so you can be anywhere in the world and if you feel resonant with Sinead and you need a little Sinead in your life, and if you feel resonant with Sinead and you need a little Sinead in your life, please contact her. I'm going to have all of her links down in the show notes. This has been such an insightful conversation. Thank you so much for being here. I don't know if I actually joined the community, but I did watch one of your roundtables. It was a black polyamorous roundtable and I learned so much from that and I know there was a recording for that. I'm not sure if that's going to be available.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:Recording for the Black polyamorous roundtable is still available for purchase, and we have some more roundtables, all kinds of different kinds of roundtables in the works, and, if you just have an idea or a topic, one of the ones that we're working on we want to talk more about metamore relationships. We want to talk more about hierarchy. So if there's something that you would really love to see us talk about in a roundtable way, I love to hear that kind of feedback. So hit me up on social media and let me know what you want to talk about.
Carrie Jeroslow:And I highly recommend those roundtables because they're very educational and, again, whether you have had similar experiences or not, it is important to learn and to open our minds to more than what we just see in the media. So everyone, please go, reach out to Sinead. Sinead, thank you so much for being here. This has been an incredible conversation and you have so much wisdom. I highly recommend everyone going right over to the link right below and connecting with Sinead. Thank you so much.
Chaneé Jackson-Kendall:It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.
Carrie Jeroslow:Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, kerryjerislowcom, instagram or TikTok. Stay curious.
Carrie Jeroslow:Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships? Or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope altogether? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul-nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.
