Don't Freak Out! It's Time to Launch Your New Structure~Here's How to Be Intentional

Episode 068:
Don't Freak Out! It's Time To Launch Your New Structure~Here's How to Be Intentional

You want to shift your relationship structure to a new form.

You've done all the self-reflection.

You've talked to your partner and developed agreements and boundaries.

You've done all the preparation you know to do.

And it's time to make a move.

It feels big.

It will shift your experience in life but in an unknown way.

It's scary.

It's exciting.

And it all lies before you.

This episode talks about the moments right before launching into a new relationship dynamic, the launch, and the time following the launch. Whether going from soloamory into monogamy, monogamy into polyamory, or any combination, I will give you some thoughts to help you have the best experience possible. 

The more intentional and conscious we are about this time could determine how this experience goes.  

This is Relationships Reimagined.

Join me for a new paradigm of conscious and diverse relationships.

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Podcast Music by Zachariah Hickman

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Transcript

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:02

Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Ca Jarislow. Bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. I've just hit my one year anniversary of this podcast. Now that I'm feeling more comfortable, after stretching myself to learn the art of podcasting by showing up and creating a podcast episode every week, some solo and some with guests I'm in a flow state that's getting more fun.

Carrie Jeroslow: 1:12

I was in a much different place on September 24th 2022, the day before the launch. I was terrified. I'd spent the previous nine months prior preparing for that moment. Yes, there was a lot of education and learning about the mechanics of producing a podcast, finding the right platform for it and the right equipment that wouldn't break my budget. There was also a lot of time spent on honing my message, leaning on my personal experience and tuning inward for inspiration about how to talk about relationship diversity. All of these aspects were vital to getting this out into the world. But I think an even bigger part of the nine month prep period was emotional. This included talking over the idea with my husband, because this is a pretty personal podcast and I knew I'd be talking about him and us. I discussed it with my other partner to see how he felt about it and picked both of their brains about ideas and structures. We needed to come out to the important people in our lives so that I could feel open to talking about our lives. It was and is never my intention to hide and I had to walk my talk in my own life and with those I cared about. This was terrifying. I didn't know what to expect when we told our siblings, parents, close friends and children. Each step needed time, patience and an abundance of courage. Thankfully, although there were plenty of questions and concerns, primarily from our parents, we were met with acceptance and the space to step into our truth more fully.

Carrie Jeroslow: 2:59

So, with all the pre-work done, the thoughts and feelings processed at least as much as possible, the first eight episodes recorded and batched the marketing ready. It was time. Time to launch and bring it into the world. Dang, I can viscerally feel that moment in my body right now as I'm recording this the heat in my belly, my heart racing, my head spinning Once I press the button that says publish. There was no turning back. Sure, I knew I could stop at any time, but I also knew I wouldn't and that I would see it through and that it would create a new pathway in my life that wouldn't be able to be erased.

Carrie Jeroslow: 3:47

It reminded me of the moment we decided to launch into our non-monogamous journey. That moment we decided that it was okay for me to approach another man and tell him I was interested in him. Same sensations in my body right now when I think of that moment the heat, the racing, the spinning. I'd done the inner and outer work in processing, we'd come up with agreements, boundaries, we talked about the fears and the what-ifs and it was time to put all the hypotheticals and words into action.

Carrie Jeroslow: 4:21

Have you ever experienced that kind of moment, the moment where you've been preparing for something new for a while? It's time to make a move. It feels big, it will shift your experience in life, but in an unknown way. It's scary, it's exciting and it all lies before you. Well, this is what I'm going to talk about in today's episode, and I'm going to focus it on intimate relationships. Although I'll be talking about it in terms of opening up a relationship, you can apply all of it to any relationship structure shift. The particulars may be a little different, but the ideas can be tailored to your circumstance.

Carrie Jeroslow: 5:08

Whether you're choosing to shift from monogamy to soloamory, polyamory to soloamory, open relationship to closed relationship, these steps will help you navigate the time in and around the launch and all that comes with it, including the feelings of newness, instability, fear and the unknown. In my opinion, these moments right before the launch, the actual launch and then right after the launch are big enough and important enough to dedicate an entire episode to. We can move through these potentially uncomfortable moments, unconsciously or consciously. I believe and have seen that the more conscious and intentional you are about this time can set you up for success when moving through it, because there will most likely be bumps in the road, but if you're equipped with the knowledge and tips to help you navigate the bumps, there will be more space allowed for all the feelings and emotions that will most likely surface. And when these kinds of feelings come up if you're unconscious. They could create damage between you and the people you care about.

Carrie Jeroslow: 6:27

So how do you shift from the unconscious to the conscious? Picture this You've done the groundwork, engaged in deep introspection and had the necessary discussions with your current partner or partners. The decision to launch a new relationship structure is imminent, and now it's go time. You feel equally excited and apprehensive, possibly terrified, running all the possible scenarios in your head or avoiding possible outcomes altogether, but it's time. It's time to do it. Can you feel it? Okay?

Carrie Jeroslow: 7:05

So here are some thoughts that will hopefully help you. The first is to have the awareness that this is a journey and to lean into it, remaining open to what may come with it. Sure, we all want our lives to run smoothly and easily, and I would love that for you, and I do believe that it's possible. At the same time, I think most people have passed wounds within that experiences like this seem to open with the intention of healing. Having awareness that feelings will most likely come up and that it's completely normal if they do, and identifying ways that you process big emotions could be the most important step that moves you through this time with as much grace and compassion for yourself and the others involved. Know how you process and create space for you to do this Around. This time of launch, you may want to create a certain amount of time, like maybe a couple weeks or a month, where your commitments and obligations are pared down. Create the space for self-reflection or time with trusted friends.

Carrie Jeroslow: 8:21

Next is to have confidence in your decision During the launch. Remember the reasons that led you to this decision in the first place. Confidence in the work that you've done and the agreements you've made with your current partner. Confidence is key to stepping into a new relationship dynamic or approaching a new potential partner with clarity. And when approaching a new person, identify compatibility with open dialogue from the onset. Honest and open communication is the key and when you begin with this, you create a strong foundation for whatever is to come afterwards. Be honest with this new person about your relationship structure. Gauge their level of comfort and familiarity with non-traditional relationship dynamics. This will help you identify if you share compatible values and goals. Okay, so now you've determined that you're compatible and agreeable to the relationship dynamic.

Carrie Jeroslow: 9:27

Next is to set expectations early, to establish clear expectations with this new potential partner. Lay out your boundaries, agreements and what you both hope to achieve from the relationship. Transparency from the beginning is essential to ensure that everyone is on the same page. The clearer and more honest you are with all those involved, the more grounded you'll feel, and the more grounded that you feel in your connections, the less space there will be for uncertainty and fear. I'm not saying that there won't be any fear and uncertainty, just less of it. Which leads me to the next thought, which is to prepare yourself for continuous communication and processing. Walk it out as clearly and lovingly as you can, keep the lines of communication open with both your current and potential partners and ensure that everyone feels heard and respected, address concerns, questions and uncertainties promptly and honestly.

Carrie Jeroslow: 10:35

Healthy communication is the cornerstone of successful non-monogamous relationships and, in my opinion, monogamous relationships as well. And if you're moving from a solo or monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous relationship, get ready for a master course in communication and maybe, just maybe, get excited about it. Have you had the moment where you have a really great talk with someone, where you feel both heard and you both come out of it feeling more connected than ever? You feel elated and excited about your connection. This is the gift that honest, loving communication can give you, but we're never taught how to engage in healthy communication in a way where we feel supported and the other person or people feel supported. So there will be a learning curve for most people, but, trust me, it's worth it and I think it's one of the biggest gifts of this kind of experience.

Carrie Jeroslow: 11:40

I touched on this before, but I wanted to emphasize that during this process, seek balance and prioritization as you navigate this structure. Change. Prioritize your time and energy. Be aware of your commitments and responsibilities to all parties involved. Live to maintain balance while being realistic about your capacity. Have you ever heard of NRE? It stands for New Relationship Energy. This is when that new relationship has you feeling all dizzy and lust, excited about the rush of endorphins this new relationship is bringing into your body, mind and heart. So it's important to nurture your existing relationships. Don't neglect the relationships you already have. Try to invest time and effort into your current partners and ensure that they feel value and secure. A strong foundation in your existing relationships can provide stability during this transition.

Carrie Jeroslow: 12:47

Next is be ready for adjustments. We can run all the possible scenarios in our mind, but until we actually launch and live it, we don't know how it will play out for ourselves or our partners, so I think it's important to be flexible and willing to make adjustments as needed. Your relationship structure may evolve over time, so adaptability is crucial. It may also be helpful to seek support and resources. Don't hesitate to reach out for guidance from experts or support groups specializing in non monogamy or whatever structure you're shifting to. They can provide valuable insights and help you navigate any obstacles that arise. It's such a great thing when other people have had experiences that they can relay their expertise to. Even finding a community where there are like minded people who either have gone through what you're going through or are in the same place can help you immensely. I've interviewed some incredible experts with great communities. Send me an email or connect with me on Instagram if you're needing some suggestions.

Carrie Jeroslow: 14:07

Remember to continue with your self care and reflection. This is possibly where the whole idea of a relationship restructure began and it's so important to continue this. In fact, I think it's a lifelong practice, which is why I talk about it so much. Throughout this journey, remember the importance of self care and self reflection. Take time for yourself to process your emotions and assess how you're feeling about this new structure, and then go back to communicate with your partner or new partner. And finally, don't forget to celebrate growth and exploration. Embrace this opportunity for growth and exploration, remembering that every relationship structure is unique and you have the chance to design, fulfilling, meaningful connections that align with your values and desires. As you transition into your new relationship structure, the key is to approach it with confidence, open communication and a commitment to maintaining healthy connections with all parties involved. Stay true to your intentions and agreements, while remaining flexible and adaptable. As you navigate this exciting journey of self discovery and love, take deep breaths, sing a song, do a dance, take a walk, go for a swim, keep moving with attention and intention and, as I always say, stay curious.

Carrie Jeroslow: 15:49

Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get your sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, carriejeroslowcom, instagram or TikTok. Stay curious.

Carrie Jeroslow: 16:45

Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships, or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope altogether? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul-nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.