Episode 097: Wisdom From Our Polyamorous Elders with Susan Bratton Part 2
Discover the keys to unlocking the joys of relationship diversity as I sit down with Susan Bratton, an authority on intimacy who brings a treasure trove of insights into the realms of polyamory, communication, and deep connection. This episode is a roadmap to understanding and nurturing the unique needs within any relationship, especially within the intricate polycule dynamic. Susan, with her infectious enthusiasm, unpacks the lessons from generations of relationship diversity, offering strategies from sexual biohacking to fostering lifelong passion. You're in for an enlightening discussion that not only highlights the beauty of diverse relationships but also the pivotal role of communication in making every intimate encounter meaningful.
Susan introduces you to the "platinum rule" of relationships, underscoring the importance of treating partners according to their desires and needs. You'll learn how this rule distinguishes itself from the old "golden rule" and how it can enhance understanding and fulfillment within your own relationships.
This episode is your invitation to transform your relationships through the profound journey of self-exploration with practical steps and exercises that can set you on a path to more compassionate and loving connections.
Please note: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or social worker. I am not attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental, or emotional issue, disease, or condition. The information provided in or through my podcast is not intended to be a substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment provided by your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider. Always seek the advice of your own Medical Provider and/or Mental Health Provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your specific circumstance.
Episode 097: Wisdom From Our Polyamorous Elders with Susan Bratton Part 2
Discover the keys to unlocking the joys of relationship diversity as I sit down with Susan Bratton, an authority on intimacy who brings a treasure trove of insights into the realms of polyamory, communication, and deep connection. This episode is a roadmap to understanding and nurturing the unique needs within any relationship, especially within the intricate polycule dynamic. Susan, with her infectious enthusiasm, unpacks the lessons from generations of relationship diversity, offering strategies from sexual biohacking to fostering lifelong passion. You're in for an enlightening discussion that not only highlights the beauty of diverse relationships but also the pivotal role of communication in making every intimate encounter meaningful.
Susan introduces you to the "platinum rule" of relationships, underscoring the importance of treating partners according to their desires and needs. You'll learn how this rule distinguishes itself from the old "golden rule" and how it can enhance understanding and fulfillment within your own relationships.
This episode is your invitation to transform your relationships through the profound journey of self-exploration with practical steps and exercises that can set you on a path to more compassionate and loving connections.
Please note: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or social worker. I am not attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental, or emotional issue, disease, or condition. The information provided in or through my podcast is not intended to be a substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment provided by your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider. Always seek the advice of your own Medical Provider and/or Mental Health Provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your specific circumstance.
Susan Bratton:
Own your needs as they evolve and be your sovereign person, standing for yourself. Don't give up anything for the greater good. Contribute to the greater good by being loved exactly how you need, being a friend of other Pali people and helping them through their tough times. And teaching STI, testing honesty, your needs, your relationship values, your boundaries, all of those things. And scheduling being good schedulers. That is one of the fundamental platforms of poly. It's not being afraid to be in process, not being afraid to be honest, dealing with schedules and treating people the way they want to be treated. You're going to have to work on all those pieces to have successful poly that you can enjoy your whole life long.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Keri Jaroslow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to get other people's perspectives and thoughts.
Carrie Jeroslow:
And today is part two of my incredible conversation with Susan Bratton intimacy expert to millions, and we talk more about wisdom that she's gotten from her polyamorous elders and she, with her decades long experience in polyamory and diverse relationships, is one of the elders for this current generation and this current time with diverse relationships. So she's got so much wisdom and she also shares her own journey that she's gone through and the lessons she's learned from that. She'll also share her vision of what she hopes diverse relationships look like in the future. If you haven't listened to part one. Pause here and go back. It will give you a great foundation for what is in this episode and you'll learn more about the amazing Susan Bratton and all that she brings to the table. Let's continue the conversation.
Susan Bratton:
If I understand your values and you understand my values, then I can give you what you need. You won't have to treat me like you want to be treated. You'll treat me like I want to be treated, and I highly recommend everybody in the world know what their relationship values are, because once you understand, oh, my husband's number one is passion, and what that means to him is he wants me to wear lingerie and slutty shoes. He wants to see me naked. He wants me to sit on his lap. He needs like 25 kisses a day on the lips. He wants me to grab his butt. He wants me to grab his package. He wants me to just be sexy and cute to him all the time, and I love to be sexy and cute for him and that's just the top thing for him.
Susan Bratton:
My number one is security. I need to be safe because I had a very unsafe childhood and so he is my protector, my security. He's like my stable platform. He's the wind beneath my wings and he has been for 32 years. He has always been like baby. I love what you're doing now. Keep doing that. Go more, give us more, give us more. I want more. He's the guy that makes all the machinery work. That is what I stand on, to have the voice that I have in the world.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Also going deeper into like what does safety mean to you? What does security mean to you? Because sometimes it comes out in different ways or maybe one of my partners thinks safety and security looks like this, but I think it looks like this. What you're saying reminds me very much of how I approach directing, because I am a former theatrical director and I felt like I was the best kind of director if I understood what my actors needed and I wasn't just this.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Director of this is how I direct and you bend to me. Director of this is how I direct and you bend to me. It's more. I will get more out of you if I understand what kind of actor, actress that you are and how I can give you what you need. So with some maybe it is more through verbal words, some it is more of this, like empathetic, I'm going to connect with you in the energy that I'm looking for and understanding what they need to get the result that I wanted up on stage. But I have found that when I step out of myself and I can have, I think I'm going to go and get this workbook that you're talking about.
Susan Bratton:
I'm going to give it to you. Oh, thank you, yeah, of course I'm going to give you all my books and programs. Oh my God, I love it. Just give me a master account.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I love course I'm going to give you all my books and programs. Oh, my God, I love it, I love it, I love it. Well, I find that when I ask those questions what do you need? Yes, that we connect, because it's not me forcing myself on them, but it's them communicating what they need.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I'm more informed because we all come to it with our own programming, our own past, our own filters that when we can understand what our partner's filters are, what their needs are, there's so much more of an opportunity to connect in the way that they need. And then they're more open also to connect in the way that I need, because my husband sounds similar to your husband. He's very mental and he can connect at my heart, he can connect at my spirit, but my other partner connects at the heart all the time. We're just like heart open, and I have both of those in me and luckily, my husband has a partner who's very mental and who connects. They connect in this information. We love information, we love learning, and so I don't have to be that, but he still gets that right the beauty of polyamory and so that information is so important. So I am encouraging anyone who is listening who's struggling with their relationship in terms of communication and understanding what it is that their partner wants.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Go download this worksheet right away. I'm going to have the website in the show notes so people can click right on it. They don't even have to think. Just go down below and click on it and get that worksheet, because that sounds incredible.
Susan Bratton:
I have to say, another testament to the level of your intelligence is that the fourth step in my relationship magic is the right, exactly what your partner needs to do to make you feel the feelings you want to feel, based on your top four values you literally nailed it, so I'm super impressed with you. You are so bright.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Oh, my God, Thank you, Thank you. Oh well, so I want to go into. So you, you have had this information from the elders, the polyamorous elders, and you've been polyamorous for you said a third of your life. For decades, right? And so you've seen this evolution, right, and here we are in 2024. So I'm curious if you could sum up how you've seen the evolution from the time you started up until 2024. And then I would love for you to future project where you see it going.
Susan Bratton:
Yeah, it's interesting because what I like to do is really feel into what I need at the time, and those things change for me. So I think the best way to answer it is to just give you some very specific examples of how things have changed and why it's unpredictable what the future will be, but I'm open to whatever I want. So I'd say, like you said, how we're always evolving and changing, I just allow myself to change my mind and get what I need in whatever's going on with me. So I was in a long-term relationship with another man for nine years, as well as with my husband, and I ended that relationship for two reasons. Number one he started watching Fox News and just became a person that I had no common values with, and I'm a very values-driven person. I need to meet people who are much more progressive and forward-thinking, and so I ended that relationship. And then I was looking for someone, but I didn't want to get into a long-term relationship. So I was looking for somebody that I called my summer boy toy and I was just in the mood to have a new partner. But I didn't want a long-term Because I frankly felt like that former partner had just become so fucking entitled in the relationship, like he was just going to show up and get laid and I was going to cook for him. And he was just going to show up and get laid and I was going to cook for him and he was going to have everything paid for. And I felt like I had a teenager. That's what it felt like to me and I was like I'm done with this. I need someone who pulls their weight and contributes in my relationship, but I don't want someone who's a long-term person, because I just don't want to get into another nine year thing where there's like all these built up expectations. It just wasn't delivering enough for me anymore and a part of what I have learned over the years is much more about how valuable having your own boundaries are.
Susan Bratton:
When you say the word boundaries, it sounds like a fence, it sounds like a gate, but I actually think what a boundary is and I wish there was a different word for it. But what I think a boundary is more like a roadmap. It's more like what we were talking about with the relationship values. It's more like here are the conditions that I need met so that you can know exactly how to treat me and I will feel fully loved and accepted because you're giving me the things that I'm asking for and it's what I really want to need. So I don't know what. I think there's a better word than boundaries, but that's what boundaries are. Boundaries are, these are the conditions that make me feel good, and a lot for a lot of people. They're like well, if I say my boundaries and people don't want to do it, then maybe I can't get the love that I need. So I won't express them and I think you will really know that you are loved for exactly who you are.
Susan Bratton:
When you tell someone what you need and they are like fuck, yeah, I want to do that for you, yeah. So when I started dating my summer boy toy, we just had such a good time and when it came to September, I said to him listen, I would like to promote you to like boyfriend now, not just boy toy, but I, I. You have just done such an excellent job. I enjoy you so much and I don't want this to be like we'll be together forever, but I'd like to continue our relationship.
Susan Bratton:
I'd like to deepen our relationship and see where it goes, but I'm still feeling burned about this, like, okay, well, I'm just part of their family now Cause I'm a very kitchen table poly person. If you're in my polycule like, you're getting fed, you're getting taken on trips, you're getting the shit spoiled out of you and I need you to spoil the shit out of us back and I had to teach him a lot of communication skills. He used a lot of Weasley bullshit that I wouldn't stand for and I would call him on it and it was very painful for us, but we worked through it and now he's such a good community.
Susan Bratton:
He just literally didn't have the tools.
Susan Bratton:
He's like I don't think I would have been married three times if I'd had these tools. I'd have been married once, I'd have been still married, and so I was willing to go through the pain of working through, teaching him communication techniques. No one had ever taught him and at the same time my husband had had a long-term girlfriend and I didn't trust her. I was very worried that what she was actually trying to do was get him to leave me and I'm like bitch no, and I felt very excluded out from their relationship. He was happy and so I allowed. I was like I'm going to practice my compersion. I'm going to be happy for them that they're getting what they need, but I was not holding my own boundaries.
Susan Bratton:
Exactly right I was not saying I don't fucking like this. This makes me uncomfortable, you guys. I feel lonely, I feel excluded, I know it's not good for and I would say those things. And they were like uh-huh, yeah, whatever. They were so happy. I was like I gotta let him alone, I gotta leave him, I gotta let him have what he wants.
Susan Bratton:
It turned out to be a mistake. She literally came over to my house while I was gone and I said you're not allowed to come to my house, I don't want you over here. I came to my house and moved my husband's shit out of my fucking house and took him home. Unbelievable, and I was like I told you, this is where it was going. So my boyfriend and I went over and got his stuff and brought him home. Oh my gosh.
Susan Bratton:
So all of you women who are like I don't think I want to be Polly. I'm listening to this podcast, but I don't think I want to be Polly because some bitch is going to steal my man. It happens, yeah, I am living proof that happens. So mistakes I made not saying no sooner, overplaying compersion to my own default, seeing where it was headed, and not like screaming louder Because I said everything for years I was like this isn't good, I'm worried about this, I don't like it, I feel excluded. She just takes over and then you spend all your time with her and then when you come home, you just work. And now I said all these things that it didn't make a difference. I now know that, unless mama is happy, I am a matriarchal poly person. If I'm not happy, it cannot exist. I just can't exist with it.
Susan Bratton:
And I had a lot of guilt about the fact that, okay, so you're allowed to have a boyfriend, but your husband can't have his girlfriend. That's not fair. It's like you know what? I don't fucking care if it's fair or not, it's what I need, it's my situation. And I am sorry, but my husband needs. Because I said to him do I need to give up my boyfriend if I'm asking you to give up your girlfriend? He's like no, I love him, he's fantastic. I'm like, okay, well, I don't like her and I'm asking you to give her up.
Susan Bratton:
It took him a long time. He had a hard time. He's a very slow responder. I gave him so much space, I gave him so much time. I just was super fucking patient with him and that was. He needed a lot of time to process. His feelings are so deep inside he really has trouble accessing them and so it's all worked out okay. He's gone through a lot of grief at the loss. It's been very difficult and painful for the last few years of going through it, but in the end he will find better partners who are going to serve the polycule and be better polypartners, and he will live. We are together for the rest of our lives. We are team sweetie. Through thick and thin we are each other's person in this lifetime. I will never let him go.
Susan Bratton:
I will fight to the death for him. He is my man and I love him and he feels the same. He would say the same thing about me when I was like you're going to have to make a decision now. I'm no longer going to put up with this. We're going to have to dissolve the marriage after 30 something years, because I just can't keep going like this anymore. It's just too disappointing for me over and over, and I'm lonely and I miss you and I need you back. And if I can't have you, then you need to go.
Susan Bratton:
And he was like I'm not going to go, I'm not going to go, I can't. I got to work through this, I got to get through this. I'm like good, because I don't want you to. I want you to be with me. It was hard. I mean, we've been through so many hard things together, but we hold the vision of ourselves together as the penultimate piece of this, and so we're not a linear poly, we are a matriarchal poly and I don't mind being that. I'm okay, asking for what I need.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I just want to say this is so much of what I talk about in relationship diversity, because even in the poly world there's a lot of like. If you're not doing it this way, you're not really poly, and what I always say is you have to know what your values, needs and priorities are. They don't need to be anyone else's. As long as because I'm listening to your story and I'm hearing the complexities of it, meaning the complexities of the emotions, hearing the complexities of it, meaning the complexities of the emotions I understand that I've been there of wanting to have compersion but not feeling right about it, but holding back because I don't feel like I should have radical honesty, and then I'm denying my own needs and there's a lot of complexities with it. But I think when you are really clear on your priorities and how you are visioning yourself, then you can be radically honest and give the choice to him, Like you're saying, this is you know what. No, I'm stepping into my truth and my truth is this is what I need to feel safe in my relationship, and you can choose to stay with me or not. That takes a lot of fucking courage to say that. Right, because you're risking this like I'm going to stand in my own truth and that's more important than anything. And it sounds like there was even a moment where you're like that's more important than keeping this relationship together, even though I have said I want to be like partners with this person and so like I applaud you for that.
Carrie Jeroslow:
And the other thing I want to say is polyamory and open relationships and I think marriage in general or any kind of long-term relationships. It's a process, it is an ebb and flow. It is beautiful, sweet times, as I call them, and sticky times and challenging times. And I will say that I've had the experience with anything that is non-traditional relationship. Whatever you call it or not even call it or label. It is this desire to want to get to know who you are and want to grow and evolve within yourself, because it just takes that If you want to coast in life, I wouldn't even go try anything other than maybe monogamy and just live your life in that way, because I think it takes a lot of processing and what you're sharing and your story is showing this need to have a desire to go in it and process it and listen and communicate and know yourself. It's just all a part of it.
Susan Bratton:
Yeah, and there's one more piece that made it even more interesting that came on, which was that even before I had to put my final foot down and be like this is it? Another lover came onto the scene for me and I was interested in being with him. He had been with a woman for a really long time, like 23 years, and we'd always been friends and I always desired him and he had left her and I was like, actually there were two men. Actually, if I'm thinking about it now, there were two different guys that had that kind of trajectory that I'd always wanted to be with and they were available for the first time. They were no longer in monogamous relationships. And I was like, hello, I would like to fuck you monogamous relationships. And I was like, um, hello, I would like to fuck you, and that would be fun. And um, one of the things I love to help people do is to be fun to fuck. That's like a phrase that I like let's be fun, it's fun to fuck. Be a fun to fuck person.
Susan Bratton:
So, anyway, one of them, I had a couple of long weekends where he screamed in and then heed back out because he was going to go fuck a bunch of people. But the other guy, he joined the pod for a while and I got to have a lot of things like foursomes with three guys with me and I got to have like air tights and things I'd never had because I'd never had three men to have sex with, and so that was really fun. It was a really fun exploratory part. But there was a point at which I said to him I'm just full, I'm complete now and I need to close our container. I've had a great time with you. It's been a really fun six or seven months and it's too much for me to juggle and I can't have my attention on so many people. I need to get back to work and do some shit. And he's like, okay, yeah, I understand, and he was so nice about it and that was great.
Susan Bratton:
I felt bad about it because I have this very nurturing Polly kitchen table orientation, like we're all a big, happy family. And, by the way, our daughter she loves my boyfriend and she loved the other boyfriend that was with us for seven months and she's a monogamous person herself but she just enjoys the kitchen table poly herself. She finds it really pleasurable and likes it a lot. So that's another thing that I think is important is that there's not that many of us old poly people, because there weren't that many poly people, but now there's a lot of younger poly people who are, I would say, more in their 30s, 20s some, but mostly I think poly is like 30s and 40s. There's a bigger cluster of them, and so now there's like maybe some babies and maybe some young kids, but I think there's a lot of people who are like am I going to be able to negotiate being a parent and being poly and how does that work? And I just want to say for me and for my daughter she finds it additive rather than a detraction of any kind. She enjoys it. She doesn't want to know anything about our sex lives. That's not of interest to her. She's a kid. I don't tell her any details, but I do nurture her sexual pleasure too.
Susan Bratton:
I'm like here I want you to try this clitoral stimulator. It's really, really good. I want you to try this lube. There's this wonderful product called phoria. Have you ever tried it? No, oh, I'll get some sent to you, okay.
Susan Bratton:
So they have created something for me called the pleasure protocol, and the pleasure protocol is three of their products. They're CBD based and they're all botanicals, and so one of the things in the kind of sexual biohacking world that I talk about is, if you wouldn't put it in your mouth, don't put it in your vulva or your rectum. It's just there's a lot of lubes that have a lot of chemicals that are just not good, and so when I found Phoria, I was like, oh my God, I just love this product line, and the pleasure protocol is they have these things called melts, and the melts are these little cocoa butter, little trochies that go up inside your vagina and they melt and they coat the interior of your vagina, because as you age, even if you're using hormone replacement, you're having estrogen loss that is, diminishing the thickness of your vagina, and so if you want to be a champion cowgirl rider, like I am, you need a little extra help, and so the melts are great. And then they have this arousal oil called awaken, that my husband or my partner, whatever he loves to put it on the outside of my vulva, and the botanicals and the CBD start sending these signals to your brain that are basically triggering your own endogenous endocannabinoid system, which is your pleasure healing pathway, and they activate the signals from your vulva to your brain and your brain.
Susan Bratton:
Everyone knows your brain is your biggest sex organ.
Susan Bratton:
Well, they don't know why. Well, the why is the work that Dr Nan Wise did with MRIs and orgasm, where basically all the different locations that you touch on your vulva and your vagina they send signals to different parts of your brain, and the more parts you have activated, the more pleasure you feel. The more neural pathways there are, the more your pleasure expands and so Awaken starts to expand all these pathways so that every part of your pussy that you pleasure feels even more incredible. And then they have sex oil, which is this really nice organic botanical oil that you use for as much glide and slide as you want on top of it all, and it all works together really well. So they created this pleasure protocol for me. It's at pleasureprotocolcom, they bundled it, so it's a discount. There's a promo code Susan for another discount, so code Susan for another discount, but I will have it sent to you so that you can try it out, because it is another thing that helps with that orgasmic capacity expansion, achieving all the different kinds of orgasmic pleasure you could have.
Susan Bratton:
There's 20 different kinds of orgasms the human body can have and the 20th one is wildcard, because I'm always learning new pathways to orgasm and so I think that a neat kind of sexual biohacking thing. If you want to have hot sex your whole life, you have to maintain your genital structures Mm-hmm. And that's why I talk a lot like I'll be in Austin next week doing a speech on sexual biohacking at Biohacker's World because I teach people the care and like sex span extension techniques that help keep your genitals working well. Erectile function Most people don't even know that there's as much erectile tissue in the vulva as there is in the penis. People are just starting to realize, oh okay, I basically got a dick, it's a penny, and so what do I need to do to keep it all good? Which is one of the reasons I also teach people a lot about Gaines Wave and penis pumping and vulva pumping and red light therapy. Gaines Wave is an acoustic wave technique that you know.
Susan Bratton:
I'm 62. I've been doing probably for about eight years. I've been doing these regenerative therapies to keep my yoni super responsive and juicy and lush. I would say that my clit's never been bigger and meatier and more orgasmic. I've never had better orgasms. I've never had better lubrication. I have better lubrication in my 60s than I did in my 20s or 30s because of things like the Gaines Wave, the red light therapy, the vagina device that I recommend for intravaginal red light therapy.
Carrie Jeroslow:
It's a whole world. It sounds so fascinating and I love the idea of measuring the brain through orgasm. I think that's really fascinating. I do an energy modality called Theta Healing and I have been to the Theta Healing Institute where they measure the brainwave and they measure where I am when I'm connecting to the energy that's doing the healing, and so I just think that's fascinating. And I know I feel when I orgasm, I feel my brain light up. I can energetically, physically feel that happen. So that is super fascinating.
Carrie Jeroslow:
And then the other part that I'll say is Susan, you're so passionate about this and I think the passion well, I think the passion and the alignment with what you're doing also feeds the passion that you feel sexually and in your life. It all works together. So, yes, we can do all the biohacking, definitely physically, to get that thing going, but there's also an alignment that you have with your purpose in this life and that to me like turns on all your cells, all of your cells, and just creates that real fiery energy. And it all works together because we are whole beings, we are body, mind, spirit and it all affects one another. It's just super exciting.
Susan Bratton:
I want to learn more about the theta healing, because one of the things that I often teach people, one of the techniques that I've been teaching people for a couple of decades, is the expanded orgasm practice, and it's basically a clitoral stroking technique that helps you and your partner get into a conjoined theta brainwave state. So it's a clit stroke that puts you in theta together. That's amazing.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Well, we will talk off this because theta healing is amazing. It's developed by a woman named Vianna Stiebel and she teaches this technique that it gets you into the theta brainwave pretty much within. After you practice it within, you know a second, a millisecond, and they've measured it. So you know that's the beautiful thing about combining science and energetics. But, yes, we will have fun conversations about that. And I say one more thing about that.
Susan Bratton:
Theta healing, yeah. So what I think is really interesting is that one of the issues that women have. Because we're estrogen dominant, we are worried about everything because we're the prey, not the predator, and so we have a hard time getting out of our head and into our body. And that's why, when I tell men about how to be a masculine sexual leader, what we're really looking for you to do is to ground us and get us out of our head and into our body and calm us and co-regulate us.
Susan Bratton:
And you said, when you learn the theta healing process, you can get into it really quickly. That's what I tell women who are like I just can't relax, I can't calm, I struggle, and I say the more that you lay yourself down and calm and try like an expanded orgasm, practice is a really good thing for couples to have. The more that you do that, the more easily you can slip into the gear. Practice makes perfect, and that's literally what you just said. So I've been talking about theta and you've been talking about theta and I think that makes total sense. So I do want to learn more about it. And there was one more thing I wanted to say, because I know we need to wrap up. I'd like to come back.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I would love for you to come back. It's done, it will happen.
Susan Bratton:
I mean, I feel like there's so many more things I want to talk about there's so much and there's so much that I missed that.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I was like I want to talk about that, that, that and that, so we will do a part two or part three, because I might break this up into. I might break this up into two parts, so there may be a part three and four coming.
Susan Bratton:
Happy to do it. I'm yours. I wanted to give you the URL to put in the show notes for the comprehensive eight STI test that I recommend. It's at fullpaneltestcom. Okay, I really want people to be thinking about full panel testing, not just I'm going to do chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV. It's not enough. There's some downstream effects to some of those little fucker viruses, just like COVID. You see all the soft tissue damage, the heart damage, the skin damage, the hair loss, the cognitive function, all the chronic fatigue there's a million things that that virus did. Well, these viruses are doing shit to us too, and we just don't have enough data to know. So don't get them. That's the solution is get tested. So fullpaneltestcom was something I forgot to mention, because I always want people to know where to go to get stuff.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Well, I appreciate that, because I have heard of different play parties and swinging events where people are not using protection and I don't understand it. It makes me not want to engage in that way and I can go with a partner and just play with my partner, but I don't want to touch anyone if they're not using protection. I don't understand it. So that is wonderful.
Susan Bratton:
I will definitely include that link in the show notes and I'd be happy to get one. I'll get a box sent to you if you want me to have one sent to you. So I'll get you some for you. Give you access. Get the box sent to you.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Sure, I'm so set up. I'm just getting excited even thinking about all of that. I'm going to have some fun with all that stuff. Well, I want to ask one last question as we sum everything up and close everything down. Only for the time being, like we said, polyamory is having a moment and I want to know what are your biggest hopes and wishes for the future of polyamory? So now, because you are one of those elders that people are looking to help make this transition, maybe for the later millennials and the Gen Zers to make that easier, because there's so much more fluidity already in those generations. In terms of gender identity, I love that, and sexual identity, I do too. I have young kids still and I'm just sitting observing what's going on and it's exciting to me for this generation. But what are your hopes and dreams of what polyamory or non-traditional relationships, what they will look like 20 years from now?
Susan Bratton:
Yeah, I love poly community. Mm-hmm, I like poly family Number one. You are a sovereign being. You are in control of your life. Just like you said, carrie, at the beginning of the show, you are constantly evolving and your needs are constantly changing. So, being aware of them and communicating your needs and learning the skills to communicate your needs in a confident way Look, I was in my 60s and still struggling with feeling like I had to be in this compersion when it was hurting myself.
Susan Bratton:
So I learned a lot about why boundaries are actually the way that people know they're loving you, exactly how you need to be loved. So I want to come back to that. One thing I want is get in the poly community. If you want to be poly, get in the community and support your poly friends, because you're all going to be going through shit over the years.
Susan Bratton:
Own your needs as they evolve and be your sovereign person, standing for yourself. Don't give up anything for the greater good. Contribute to the greater good by being loved exactly how you need, being a friend of other Pali people and helping them through their tough times and teaching STI testing Really being protective of each other and normalizing the conversations about STI testing, honesty, your needs, your relationship, values, your boundaries, all of those things. And scheduling being good schedulers that is one of the kind of fundamental platforms of poly. It's not being afraid to be in process, not being afraid to be honest, dealing with schedules and treating people the way they want to be treated. You're going to have to work on all those pieces to have successful poly that you can enjoy your whole life long.
Carrie Jeroslow:
I love that. I'm almost in tears because I think that that would heal a lot of divisiveness in the world, not only in the polyamorous community and the advancement of non-traditional relationships, but in the world. So I am going to second that dream and hold that vision. And, susan, you're an entrepreneur. I think you should come up with a scheduling app for poly people.
Susan Bratton:
It's called Google calendar sharing.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Well, but maybe it could be more. I don't know, your husband's really smart in the coding part. Anyway, I'm so thankful for that and I'm thankful that you are in the space now, with pleasure, but also with polyamory that you are the ones that we can look up to and gain wisdom from. So thank you for all your work. This is only the beginning of our conversation, susan, so I can't wait to see where we get, where you and I will be 20 years from now, right, what the conversations we'll be having. So thank you so much for being on the podcast and until we meet again, my friend, thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my YouTube channel, where I'll give you even more free resources and information, all about relationship diversity. I'm super excited to go deeper into YouTube because I'll be able to connect and have conversations directly with you. You'll find the link in the show notes.
Carrie Jeroslow:
Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships, or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope altogether? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief, shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now Fulfilling, soul nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.