How to Be Intentional and Redesign Your Relationships to Prepare for 2024: A Step-By-Step Guide

Episode 079
How to Be Intentional and Redesign Your Relationships to Prepare for 2024: A Step-By-Step Guide

What if you could gain clarity about your relationship needs, desires, and intentions and intentionally use those to redesign your relationship?

This episode guides you through a potent 2024 relationship roadmap exercise. We reflect on the past year's highlights, challenges, and lessons, using them as a springboard to set intentions for 2024. The potential of this exercise can induce a quantum leap in your relationships, especially when done individually and with partners.

Set the stage for a year of fulfilling relationships that are brought into the present moment, aligning with who you are and what you want NOW,  by crafting and revisiting your unique relationship vision throughout 2024.

This is Relationships Reimagined.

Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.

Episode 26: Is It Really Possible to Manifest Your Dream Relationship?
 
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Transcript

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:00

Many times, before people get into relationships, they write out a vision of their most ideal partner, a relationship experience. I've found, though, that many of those people who go into their relationships with a vision don't intentionally revisit their vision and revise their intentions of their relationship. This is something that can be done anytime of the year. However, I'm the first to admit that, for me, life gets very hectic and unless you're really intentional, it can be challenging to set the time aside to evaluate what's been going on question and look at what's working and what's not, and actively redesign your relationship. Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloamory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide Carrie Jeroslow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. I love the end of the year, and it's not because of the holidays. Just listen to my last episode to understand why I struggle with the holiday season and how it disrupts my much desired and needed routine. It's definitely not because of the weather I like snow, but only from the warmth of my cozy living room and it's not because of the gifts although I love giving gifts and honoring people's place in my life, the acquiring of the gifts and stress I feel from it many times gets in the way. No, the reason why I love the end of the year is because I love the time that I intentionally put in my schedule to rest, reflect and review my past year and vision for the coming year. During the last week of the month, I do my best to block my schedule from anything other than absolute necessities and go inward. It gives me the space to look at what happened over the past year, what were my big wins, what felt really good, what I'm really proud of, what I loved, experiences that filled my cup, as well as what my struggles and challenges were, where I could have done better, big and small events or experiences that I learned from and what I learned from them.

Carrie Jeroslow: 2:44

I had a business mentor lead me through this end of year reflection and new year intention process a few years ago and it was powerful. It really guided my vision throughout the year. It helped me stay focused, even though things happened that made my priorities and desires shift mid-year, and I thought this would be an incredible exercise to do with relationships. It'll be a powerful exercise if done alone and, after you've done it individually. If you're able to also do it with your partner or partners, it could really quantum leap your relationship, allowing the guiding light of your vision to lead the way.

Carrie Jeroslow: 3:23

So in this episode, I want to lead you through this 2024 relationship road map exercise to help you get clear on the next chapter of your life and relationships. Just like people set intentions for the new year which a lot of times people call resolutions, but I like the word intentions better Just like people do that for their other parts of their lives, we can also do this for relationships. We can reflect on the past year and then, using that information, begin to shape the coming year with our needs, desires, thoughts and intentions. And this may look different for everyone. For some who have had more of a chaotic year, maybe they want to experience more calmness or groundedness. For those who feel like they've pushed themselves in their relationship and then found homeostasis, they may wanna start to push the edges a bit For partners who've had a very mellow year. They may really wanna push themselves and try new and exciting things to bring some energy and excitement into their relationship.

Carrie Jeroslow: 4:34

If you've heard some of my past episodes, you may have figured out that I'm a huge advocate of getting clear on the things that you want, creating a very clear vision and then communicating that to your partner or partners. Many times, before people get into relationships, they write out a vision of their most ideal partner or relationship experience. If you've never done this, an episode that I'll tag in the show notes is from December of 2022, episode 26. It's called Is it Possible to Manifest your Dream Relationship, and it's about how to vision and create your most desired relationship. I've found, though, that many of those people who go into their relationships with a vision don't intentionally revisit their vision and revise their intentions of their relationship. This is something that can be done anytime of the year. In fact, I think it's really important to do it many times throughout the year. However, I'm the first to admit that, for me, life gets very hectic and, unless you're really intentional, it can be challenging to set the time aside to evaluate what's been going on, question and look at what's working and what's not, and actively redesign your relationship. So once a year is better than nothing.

Carrie Jeroslow: 5:53

Okay, in this exercise, you'll be essentially asking yourself questions like how was the past year? What felt really good? Where did we do really well? What's changed? Where do I wanna go from here in 2024? What do I wanna experience? Where do I wanna challenge myself and ourselves At the end of 2024, what do I wanna be saying about my year and about my relationships?

Carrie Jeroslow: 6:20

But I'm gonna break it down for you in sections and make it as easy as possible to fill in the blanks. I suggest taking about a week to complete this. Many times when I start this, I have trouble remembering the positive parts of my year, the things that were really good, and if I write as much as I remember in the first past and then continually reflect during the week, looking for cues and recalling things that I may have forgotten at first, I almost double my list. So take your time, know that even the smallest wins are worth celebrating, and let's start. So first, get a pen and paper ready and join me as we create your 2024 relationship roadmap. Just a note we're gonna focus on intimate relationships, and this can be done with the relationship with yourself if you're currently single, but you can also do this with other aspects of your life, like career, family, finances, et cetera.

Carrie Jeroslow: 7:19

On one page, you wanna title it 2023 Reflection and then you're gonna divide that into subheadings, leave enough room to write in between each subheading and, if you happen to be doing this in a small journal, you may wanna use one page for each subheading. These sections under your 2023 Reflection heading include number one my 2023 relationship highlights and wins, or, in other words, successes or the things I feel really great about. Number two my 2023 relationship gratitude list. Number three the ways I limited myself or held myself back in my relationships in 2023. Number four my biggest relationship challenges of 2023. And number five the most important lessons I learned from my relationships in 2023.

Carrie Jeroslow: 8:14

Now take time to quiet your mind and think back to the beginning of the year. First, run through the major events, the ones that come quickest to your mind. Write those down in the applicable section. Then go back and see if you can dig deeper, asking yourself to remember the smaller moments, those sweet interactions, even if there were only a few, the times when you felt really heard or when you really listened with openness and you felt more connection after a conversation than disconnection. Our focus will typically go to problems and really dial in on those, and we forget to think about the experiences or interactions that felt really good. So take your time with this process. I'll usually write for a bit and then go to a mindless activity like fold clothes or take a shower, and almost always a flood of new memories come to mind. It's why I either have my phone or journal near me so I can document them as they come to the forefront of my mind, and many times one memory will highlight another, and so on and so on. Okay, now you've had at least your first pass through the 2023 relationship reflection.

Carrie Jeroslow: 9:35

It's time to move on to your 2024 relationship intention and roadmap. So, on a new page, write the title 2024 relationship intentions with the following subheadings One my 2024 relationship highlights and wins or successes or the things I feel really great about. Number two my 2024 relationship gratitude list. Number three the ways I limited myself or held myself back in my relationships in 2024. Four my biggest relationship challenges of 2024. And five my most important lessons I learned from relationships in 2024.

Carrie Jeroslow: 10:22

So begin to fill out this section, but in this important way. You want to write it as if you are at the end of 2024 and reading these back to yourself as if they've already happened. Think about it in this way when do you want to be in your relationship in 2024? And, most importantly, how do you want to feel? So you'll write it very similarly to how you wrote your 2023 reflections. This one might feel a little weird to you if you've never done this before, but, for example, with number one, my 2024 relationship highlights could be I feel very heart connected to my partner and our communication feels respectful, honoring and open. We've been able to process through triggering moments with more ease than ever. We took two trips together and traveled really well together. Does that make sense? It's really important to write it in this way, as if it's already happened. You'll see why.

Carrie Jeroslow: 11:24

In the next step. I'll go through another example of how to do this. For the 2024 gratitude list, it could look something like this I am so grateful that my partner listened to me and really heard me this year. I'm grateful I was able to express myself clearer than ever. I'm grateful that I had constant check-ins with myself about my evolving needs and I'm so grateful I found the courage to talk to my partners about them. You got it.

Carrie Jeroslow: 11:55

The final step for this section is to quiet your mind as much as possible. Read each point to yourself slowly and really feel what it actually feels like as much as possible. For example, for this sentence, I'm so grateful that my partner listened to me and really heard me this year. Feel what it would feel like for this to happen. Breathe in the feeling or image of you being heard by your partner. If this is really challenging for you, see if you can broaden it from your partner to a partner, possibly a new partner. Play with it. Have you ever really been heard, if not from your partner, from a friend or a family member? Find the feeling in your body and feel it to the fullest extent possible. And even if you think you aren't feeling it as much as you should and I have air-quoted should, because there are no shoulds in this process keep up with it. Keep moving forward. This is a roadmap. Just take one step at a time. And here is the last part. Take out a separate piece of paper it's best that it's not a part of a journal, unless you feel good about ripping it out and write a letter to your future self A future you, on December 31st 2024. It could read something like this Dear me, I'm so proud of you for the year you've had.

Carrie Jeroslow: 13:24

2024 has been such a year of growth and your relationships have blossomed. They may not have developed exactly how you envisioned, but you have stayed true to yourself, expressed yourself with certainty and confidence, challenged yourself and grown more than you could have ever imagined. You've believed in yourself and found joy and passion in your relationships. You're ending this year amazed at what has transpired and excited to go deeper in 2025. I love you and believe in you. You are worthy of all the love, pleasure and abundance your relationships have to offer and I'm so glad that you finally know this. With great love me.

Carrie Jeroslow: 14:11

You can fill this in with a lot more specifics if you want. When you feel complete, put it in an envelope and write on it to be open December 31st 2024. Seal it and place it somewhere where you will remember and possibly put a reminder in your phone to read it on that date, and maybe also a little reminder as to where you put it. That always helps me. Okay, now you've finished your 2024 relationship roadmap.

Carrie Jeroslow: 14:39

If possible, set reminders throughout the year to read your 2024 vision to yourself with feeling, to ground in the intentions continually throughout the year, after you've completed your individual roadmap, if your partner or partners are open to creating a joint 2024 relationship roadmap, it's such a great exercise to come into the present moment with your relationship, align yourself with your partner and co-create your vision for the next year. This could be an amazing exercise to connect you more deeply, even if you have different goals and intentions. Expressing them can give you a lot of information to see how aligned you are and if you both really want different things. It could be a great exercise to creatively find ways you can come together in those differences. What if you could know what your partner's desires are and actively support them in pursuing them? Yes, I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but what if you were able to express your fears while also supporting your partner's desires?

Carrie Jeroslow: 15:48

From experience, I would encourage you to structure these discussions. What I mean is to allow for adequate amount of focus and time for the process, and maybe you structure it to spend the first conversation doing the exercise together and discussing each other's desires in a co-creative process and then, if triggers come up which they very well might it is agreed that you will write them down and spend a few days gathering your thoughts and then have time to express the triggers. This does several things it allows the person expressing the space to be heard and acknowledged without being shut down, and it also gives the other person some time to understand what the trigger might be about. This part, like all relationships, is a process. Allow it to evolve and connect you together. To bring more connection to the process, it may help to take time to dream together about the future of your relationship. What experiences do you wanna create together? What adventures or milestones do you envision? Dreaming together not only strengthens your connection, but also provides a shared vision to strive towards.

Carrie Jeroslow: 17:03

I also suggest approaching the redesign of your relationship as a collaborative process. Co-create a vision that incorporates the aspirations of each individual. This involves active listening, compromise and a willingness to adapt. Remember that the beauty of a relationship lies in its shared creation. Grace, compassion, acceptance with yourself and your partners will allow you to dream big. Go big.

Carrie Jeroslow: 17:35

Looking over my last year's roadmap, I accomplished about 50% of what I wrote down, with another 10% that I made a big dent in. I could choose to focus on the 40% that didn't happen and it's really easy for me to do that and get down on myself. I can choose that, or I can choose to celebrate that glorious 60%. I realized that, for many circumstantial reasons, the 40% that I wrote down didn't happen. For a reason, I was either not emotionally, mentally or physically ready, or my intentions, needs and desires changed, and that's all okay. This is a living, breathing document from year to year, and we are constantly evolving and changing as we adapt to what happens in any given year. Use this time to intentionally shape the trajectory of your relationships. Revisiting and realigning your vision ensures that you and your partner are co-authors of a relationship that reflects your present desires, aspirations and mutual growth. By taking time to reflect, communicate and adapt, you set the stage for a new year filled with awareness, alignment and possibly crossing some things off of your bucket list. Vision big and stay curious.

Carrie Jeroslow: 19:01

Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastdotcom to get your scent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast, you being here and participating in the conversation about relationship. Diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, carriejeroslowdotcom, instagram or TikTok. Stay curious.

Carrie Jeroslow: 19:57

Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships? Or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope all together? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self acceptance, gratitude, belief, shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling soul, nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.