Navigating the Bardo: Embracing Personal Growth and Healing After a Breakup
Ever found yourself in a seemingly perfect relationship, only for it to end unexpectedly? The aftermath can be a crucial period for personal growth and healing if we embrace the transitional phase known as the bardo.
In this episode, I share my insights on navigating this in-between stage, shedding light on four essential steps to empower yourself for future relationships.
Listen and learn the power of allowing yourself to feel and heal, uncovering valuable lessons, identifying your non-negotiables, and preparing for your next relationship with a renewed sense of self-awareness. By doing the inner work in the bardo, you can transform your approach to relationships and create lasting, fulfilling connections.
This is Relationships Reimagined.
Join me to be a part of this new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.
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Please note: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or social worker. I am not attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental, or emotional issue, disease, or condition. The information provided in or through my podcast is not intended to be a substitute for the professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment provided by your own Medical Provider or Mental Health Provider. Always seek the advice of your own Medical Provider and/or Mental Health Provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your specific circumstance.
Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from solaramary to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Keri Jarislow, best-selling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. I've got two different scenarios for you. Scenario number one you get in relationship with someone who you feel like you've known forever. You just click Your time together. Flows is easy, is exciting, fun and adventurous. You have many of the same interests. Conversations effortlessly last for hours, you talk about the future, your future together And then, out of nowhere seemingly out of nowhere the relationship ends. Maybe you ended it, maybe the other person ended it, maybe you felt something was off, felt it coming, or maybe it was a shock. Regardless, you end another relationship and are angry and sad and blame the other person for the failure. You avoid your feelings and numb your emotions. You wait unbated breath for another chance at another relationship. You want it, but you're also scared of it not working out. Yet again, you wonder if you'll ever meet a good person, someone who really wants to be with you and you want to be with You go into your next relationship hoping that this one will be different than all the rest. Scenario number two the beginning is the same as scenario number one. You get in relationship with someone who you feel like you've known forever. You just click Your time together. Flows is easy, is exciting, fun and adventurous. You have many of the same interests. Conversations effortlessly last for hours, you talk about the future, your future together, and then, out of nowhere seemingly nowhere the relationship ends. Maybe you ended it, maybe the other person ended it. Maybe you felt something was off, felt it coming, maybe it was a shock In this scenario. Here is where you make a different choice. Instead of going into blaming the other person for the failed relationship, you go inward, reflecting on why the relationship played out the way that it did. You ask yourself questions, challenging questions about your past, your childhood, maybe your parents' relationship. You make revelations of beliefs that were formed from a very early age. You start to connect the dots, to understand why you're drawn to the kinds of people you're drawn to. You see that it supports beliefs of not good enough, not worthy enough. You begin to peel away and release the programs that you took on as a child of how relationships are supposed to look, feel and be. You dive deeper into yourself to uncover your own needs and desires. You start to listen to yourself, give to yourself, honor yourself and, yes, love yourself. You come through the dark tunnel, having taken this valuable time to heal and reclaim your life, and, seemingly out of nowhere, you meet someone unlike any other person you've been with. You go into your next relationship empowered, worthy and aware. So both scenarios start off the same but end very differently. The time spent in that in-between time, in-between both relationships, was what made all the difference, and this is what I'm going to talk about in today's episode the in-between, or bardo, of relationships. When I learned about the term bardo, i felt an instant attraction and intrigue to this concept, because it explained a period of time that I had always struggled with. Bardo is an idea that originates from Tibetan Buddhism and refers to an intermediate state between death and rebirth. It's believed that, after death, individuals enter the bardo state, where they experience a variety of visions, emotions and states of consciousness. Although the duration of the bardo varies, this transitional phase is seen as a crucial opportunity for spiritual transformation and liberation. This in-between phase is an uncomfortable time for most people, where we grieve what was and anticipate what could be. Many people unconsciously travel through the bardo because it's usually quite painful, but this time can be what determines your future in terms of how fulfilling future relationships can be. I've experienced both scenarios in my life. I've had friends who have as well. I've watched myself and my friends continually find themselves in the same kinds of unfulfilling relationships that mostly end in the same way when they don't do their internal healing work. And then I've seen in myself and clients who courageously double down, allowing themselves the time and space to sit in the bardo to grieve, using this time for what it was meant for introspection, questioning, exploring and healing. As they emerge, they create relationships and experiences drastically different than before. This is easier said than done, and I can say that from experience. Grieving the end of a relationship can be a challenging and emotional journey. When faced with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, the mind will scramble it into a giant knotted ball of yarn that feels impossible to unravel, and that's why working with someone a coach, therapist or counselor is extremely helpful. I'm a pretty private person when it comes to my internal work and resisted seeking help for a long time. So if you're like this or aren't in a place to work with someone, i see you and I'm here for you To start you on your own journey. I'll lead you through four steps to start the process. So step number one is allowing yourself to feel and heal. The first step in grieving a relationship is to honor your emotions and give yourself permission to feel, allow the tears to flow, express your anger or experience the emptiness that follows a breakup or relationship transition. Embrace self-care practices that nourish your mind, body and soul. When I define self-care as space to connect with yourself, this invaluable practice can give you intentional time every day to focus your attention inward and ask yourself how you're really doing. To learn more about creating a daily self-care practice, check out Episode 20,. Self-care is Not a Luxury. It's easier than you think. I promise During this first step, in addition to self-care, seek support from trusted friends, family or communities that can help guide you through this healing process. The most important thought that I can give you at this step is this Healing takes time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Telling yourself that it is okay to feel your feelings and giving yourself the time you need can go a long way In this process. You are giving yourself the permission to feel what you feel and have it be okay. When you allow yourself to do it, you will learn what it feels like, and then this will benefit your future relationships, because by believing that your thoughts, emotions and feelings are valid and important, you will learn to honor them while in relationship with another. Step number two is uncovering the lessons. Every relationship has valuable lessons to offer, even those that end. I talk about this a lot in many other episodes. We learn about ourselves through our relationships to others and to the world. We need this reflection to understand the deeper parts of ourselves. Use the bardo to take time to reflect on what you learned from your past relationship. Was it about communication, boundaries or personal growth? What patterns or behaviors contributed to the breakup? What is something you learned about yourself, about your past relationships, about your beliefs, about how you view yourself? By understanding the lessons and consciously choosing to heal these aspects of your inner and outer worlds, you can choose a different experience and grow as an individual Journaling, meditation, stream of consciousness, recordings which I do by talking in my phone, just stream of consciousness, talking, recording my thoughts. These kind of things and other introspective practices can help you gain clarity and perspective. Step number three identifying your non-negotiables. During the grieving process, it's essential to assess what worked and what didn't work in your past relationship. Reflect on the aspects that aligned with your values, needs and desires. What qualities did your partner possess that made you feel loved and supported? On the other end, what aspects didn't align with your core values? This self-reflection will help you identify your non-negotiables, the qualities and values you prioritize in a future partner. And this is really important to do after the first two steps, because your non-negotiables may be different from a healed perspective as opposed to a wounded perspective. So, for example, let's say that you grew up learning that a partner should pay for dates or meals. However, after your healing work, you realize that you prefer more financial autonomy and prefer to pay for your own meals. Your non-negotiable before your healing work might have been that your partner pays for all meals. After your healing work, this may have shifted to wanting a partner who will honor your desire for financial autonomy. Two very different outcomes one from old, unaligned beliefs and one from understanding, accepting and honoring your true desires. Knowing these and other non-negotiables empowers you to make more intentional choices and attract partners who align with your most authentic self, which all leads up to step number four rediscovering self-love and empowerment. Grieving a relationship presents an opportunity to rediscover yourself and strengthen yourself. Love When we love ourselves, we are able to accept and receive love from others. When we learn to love ourselves, we learn that we're worthy of love from another. To cultivate this lifelong practice, start by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Consciously choose to invest time in your personal growth, whether through hobbies, learning new skills or pursuing your passions. Use this time to ask yourself what have I always wanted to do or experience, and then take one step every day to bring your desires into your reality. Surround yourself with positive influences and people, and affirm your worthiness of love and acceptance. Find meditations online and develop a daily practice of saying this to yourself I am enough, i am worthy, i am lovable. By staying consistent, moving through the doubts and ultimately embracing self-love as much and as authentically as possible, you set yourself up to attract partners who appreciate and cherish you for who you are. I believe that how you navigate this grieving process, the Bardo, plays a crucial role in shaping your next relationship. By engaging in healing work, uncovering the lessons, understanding your non-negotiables from a healed perspective and embracing self-love, you can create a solid foundation for your future relationships, however they may look. This is big work and it takes a lot of courage to keep walking through those scary, uncomfortable moments, some of which seem to last a long time. If you feel you need some help, reach out to me or another coach or therapist to help guide you and support you as you travel through the Bardo. And finally, remember that the journey may have its ups and downs. You'll probably feel amazing some days and super low other days, but with patience, self-compassion and a commitment to growth, you can find yourself in a relationship that is everything you wanted and more. Until next time, stay curious. Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastdotcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, carriejeroslow. com, Instagram or TikTok. Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your intimate relationship? Do all your relationships end in the same way? Do you feel like you've lost the spark in your current relationship? Can you never even find one person who you want to explore a relationship with? If you answered yes to any of those questions, or sick and tired of feeling like a failure in your relationships and desperately desire a different experience, then my 8-week deep reprogramming intensive may be the answer for you. In this program, i work individually with you for 8 transformative weeks. We'll identify the subconscious programming that's keeping you stuck and shift it to a new, affirming belief systems. We go deep, we get real. We get results. This is healing unlike anything you've ever experienced before. Here's what people are saying. Jordan from North Carolina said Moore has shifted in 8 weeks of working with K than 10 years of psychotherapy. Jane from Sanford, north Carolina, said it's honestly changed my life. And Cassie from Santa Barbara, california, said Kerry's laser precision in helping me diagnose where the stuck energy was helped me make positive movement in our first session alone Absolutely transformational. I love being a guide and witness to these courageous people who claim that they were done with their past experiences and ready for something different. I'm opening a limited number of spots for 2023 and would love to help you permanently transform your relationship experience To set up a free 30 minute clarity call where I'll help you uncover your number one block to fulfilling relationships. Connect with me through the link in the show notes. You are worthy of experiencing deep fulfillment and love in your relationships. This intensive work will help you get there.