Relationship Diversity Podcast
Every relationship is as unique as you are. Relationship Diversity Podcast aims to celebrate, question, and explore all aspects of relationships and relationship structure diversity. Together, we’ll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships. We’ll ask challenging and transformational questions, like: Who am I? What do I really want in my relationships? Am I in this relationship structure because it’s all I know or is it really the fullest expression of who I am? Being curious, having courage to look within, and asking these important questions creates the space for joy-filled, soul-nourishing relationships. Your host and guide, Carrie Jeroslow is an International Best-Selling Author, Conscious Relationship Coach, and Intuitive. Through this podcast, she helps to normalize discussions about all different kinds of relationship structures from soloamory to monogamy to polyamory, and everything in between. This is a space of inclusivity and acceptance. The time is NOW to shift the conversation to a new paradigm of conscious, intentional, and diverse relationships.Join in as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become.
Relationship Diversity Podcast
The Art of Non-Monogamous Matchmaking: Insights from Matchmaker, Daniella Guimaraes
Episode 102:
The Art of Non-Monogamous Matchmaking: Insights from Matchmaker, Daniella Guimaraes
In this compelling episode, I dive deep into the world of non-monogamous matchmaking with pioneering matchmaker Daniella Guimaraes. Daniella, the founder of Velvet Ties, shares her unique journey from modeling to becoming a key figure in the non-monogamous community, driven by her passion for fostering honest and meaningful connections.
Daniella shares her innovative approach to matchmaking, where transparency, openness, and intimacy are at the forefront. She discusses the complexities and nuances of non-monogamous relationships, offering valuable insights into her methods and strategies for helping clients find their ideal matches. From navigating different levels of openness to understanding intimate preferences and libidos, Daniella's expertise shines through in every aspect of her work.
Learn about her offerings from hosting upscale, curated events that promote deep, respectful connections to full-service matchmaking, and discover the significant impact of thoughtful matchmaking in a world increasingly open to diverse relationship structures.
Whether you're curious about non-monogamy, exploring it yourself, or simply interested in the art of modern matchmaking, this episode is a treasure trove of information and inspiration.
00:00 Opening Thoughts
01:41 Conversation with Daniella Guimaraes: A Non-Monogamous Matchmaker
02:20 Daniella's Journey into Non-Monogamous Matchmaking
04:47 The Matchmaking Process and Importance of Honesty
06:03 Exploring Non-Monogamy Spectrum with Clients
06:34 The Role of Coaching in Matchmaking
13:54 Events and Social Club: Expanding the Non-Monogamy Community
19:25 The Future of Non-Monogamy and Closing Thoughts
25:44 Final Words and Resources
Connect with Daniella:
Daniella’s Events | Matchmaking Services | Free WhatsApp Community | Instagram
This is Relationships Reimagined.
Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.
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So I have a bit of a system that I think are my top priority questions. At first it's interests, libido and openness. So what's your level of openness? Do you need your partner to be that same level of openness or do you not care how much they date and how intensely they date? Where on the spectrum are you Interests? Are intimate interests and otherwise? What do you like in bed? I think sex can be such an important part of the relationship and no questions are asked up front. So I asked what do you like? Do you have much intimacy you like during sex? I think that's very important because that level of intimacy causes so much pain in people when that's not matched. And then intimacy also translates it onto other parts of your life as well. And then libido is quite important. A mismatched libido can be addressed with more openness, less openness, and it doesn't have to be perfectly matched. But I think nobody wants to be consistently pushed for more sex when they don't want it, but also nobody wants to be consistently rejected.
Carrie Jeroslow:Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Keri Jaroslow. Bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to bring more unique perspectives into the conversation.
Carrie Jeroslow:Today I'm talking with Daniela Guimaraes, an innovative matchmaker who specializes in non-monogamy. We talk about honesty and transparency in dating and how she helps her clients find clarity with their true desires, with respect to their interests, libido and openness. This clarity helps her to match clients with people that align in their desires. But first a little about her. Daniela, a Brazilian-American entrepreneur, is the pioneering non-monogamous matchmaker. She's the founder of Velvet Ties, a social club and matchmaking agency. Her passion for non-monogamy has been a lifelong journey and is driven by her innate desire for personal freedom and honest connections. Let's get into the conversation. Hello everyone, and welcome to this episode of Relationship Diversity Podcast. Oh, I am really excited about this topic because I think I have a one of a kind guest here Today. I am talking with Daniela Guimaraes. I'm sure I butchered that. I tried my best, but she's going to say her name. But Daniela is a non-monogamous matchmaker. I have never met another non-monogamous matchmaker, so I'm so excited to talk to you more and to learn more about what you do. So welcome, daniela to the podcast.
Daniella Guimaraes:Hi, carrie, it's great to be here. My name is pronounced Daniela Guimaraes, but I have an American. Get that right, so I'm not offended at all.
Carrie Jeroslow:Okay, good, I don't feel so bad, but thank you for clarifying that. And, daniela, tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got into being a non-monogamous matchmaker.
Daniella Guimaraes:So I am American, brazilian, brazilian American and I have been very lucky to experience the best of both worlds. I think, actually, that multiple cultures quite helps in the matchmaking as well, helping you understand people and makes things a little bit more intuitive. I got into the matchmaking. It's actually quite a funny story. I used to be a model for 10 years working in fashion, so everybody assumes all my friends are super cute and I had a bunch of my male friends come to me and, hey, do you have somebody to introduce me to? I'm looking for a primary partner to get married, maybe have kids, but I want some level of openness and it's hard to find. I don't really want to get involved with my closer friends and it's hard to branch out, and by the 17th person that asked me that I was like fine, everyone, I'll do it, wow.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's how that was born. Yeah, I don't know anyone else who does specifically non-monogamous matchmaking, and what I love is that you say that you're dedicated to fostering honest connections. What does that mean to you and how does that show up in your matchmaking services?
Daniella Guimaraes:so one of the things I say is matchmaking is almost like a therapist if you lie to your therapist, it's just not going to work. So I think people are very honest with me and that allows me to present an honest profile about what they really want, and and it takes the guessing game out, Cause I think when the real world dating, when people say what they want, what they think you want to hear a lot and that kind of cuts that part of the process out. So there's no guessing game. Everything is pretty upfront and honest and in the coaching that I do in the background, my clients I always incentivize as well just be super upfront and clear because you don't want this being a problem in the future. It's better to know that something's a deal breaker sooner rather than later.
Carrie Jeroslow:I love that honesty and, I guess, maybe people's shame. I guess people have all different kinds of reasons as to why, when they go into dating, that they don't feel like they can be open and honest. But I can see how that can create a foundation of we know all know what we're getting into. And so with your matchmaking, is everyone a degree of open or are some people maybe not, but looking to experiment? What are the kinds of people that you bring in?
Daniella Guimaraes:Non-monogamy, as you know, is a pretty broad spectrum right. So anything I work with, anything between monogamish to full kitchen table, poly or solo poly. So if somebody wants to explore and say, hey, I just fell into this recently, I don't know much about it, I'll probably do some coaching sessions with them first before I start matchmaking, because I also don't want to matchmake with them, with someone that knows they're open, and then they decide they're not. So I'll try to avoid that. But anywhere between monogamish to solo poly, polyamory, kitchen table, falls within my scope, for sure.
Carrie Jeroslow:And then the coaching that you do I would think would be really helpful for people maybe if they haven't really thought about what kind of open they want to be or what kind of open maybe that they resonate with. Do you help them figure that out so that they can be more transparent.
Daniella Guimaraes:There's some people that really know what they want and there's some people that say, hey, I'm open to a few different things, or I'd want to experiment to find out, and I'll help them to a certain degree. But if they really need some more, some deeper work, I'll refer them out to one of my coaches or therapists that I think they can do that work a little bit more deeply.
Carrie Jeroslow:Oh, that's cool. So you have coaches on your staff. Partnerships, Partnerships oh that's really cool. I would think that would be really helpful, because have you had times where people have gone in thinking that they're wanting it but then they hit up against? There's a lot of people that I know when they start down this, I think I want to be open, that things change, and then really in this podcast, I talk about how time and priorities shift things as well, and shift desires and needs.
Daniella Guimaraes:So there's actually only been one person that I matched that was into non-monogamy, and then she came to me and said hey, I've actually realized I'm actually interested in full monogamy. So they weren't in a deep relationship or anything, so it wasn't. There wasn't any problems around it. But I was like, oh, that's fantastic that you found that out about yourself and I'll take you off my database. But I think most people that come to me have been doing it for a while. I don't haven't gotten too many newbies.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, what's the difference between hiring a matchmaker to help with dating and then trying to do it on your own? I know you do some coaching, but how does your system work?
Daniella Guimaraes:relationship. That needs to be one of your top priorities. It's a full-time job, finding a relationship and scouring the internet. People don't really date as much or flirt as much in person. I say that I go out to bars with my friends and we're sometimes in two, three, four beautiful single women looking like sitting at the bar, obviously looking around for somebody to flirt with us, and there's men right there next to us on their dating app swiping, oh my God.
Daniella Guimaraes:So we get access to more people that people are intentionally dating, which I think is really important. The time consumption is a lot less. I'm doing the legwork for you and I'm coming to you with matches that are pre-vetted, and then I think the honesty thing really helps as well, cause you said before that shame is one of the reasons people sometimes aren't so forthcoming. But another reason is fear of rejection, and because I'm not rejecting them, they can tell me what they want and I'll pass it on to whoever is interested in that. So it takes away that fear of rejection as well when you're being forthright enough, and so I think that's very helpful as well.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's amazing, because then you're doing the work and you're not really bringing people who are saying, no, that person's not for me. You're trying to find the people that would really work for what they're looking for, and so I guess that's. My next question is what are some of the introductory questions that you would ask someone to give you the information to find those people?
Daniella Guimaraes:Yeah. So I have a bit of a system that I think are the my top priority questions. At first it's interests, libido and openness. So what's your level of openness? Do you need your partner to be that same level of openness, or is it? Do you not care how much they date and how intensely they date, but you just as long as you can do your thing right? So openness is a big one that I ask like, where on the spectrum are you Interests or intimate interests and otherwise? I think one of the craziest things for me that I've seen no other matchmaker ask is what do you like in bed? I think sex can be such an important part of the relationship and no questions are asked up front. So I asked what do you like? Do you have much intimacy you like during sex? Are you a full-time eye gazer or are you someone that prefers to disassociate? I think that's very important because that level of intimacy causes so much pain in people when that's not matched.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yes, yeah, and then intimacy also translates it into other parts of your life as well no-transcript and I love that you're normalizing that conversation amongst dating, because I do think it is important and do you ask if they're looking for long-term relationship, if they're looking for just dating, what do you find that people are looking for? Is everyone different or are there some similarities that you're seeing pop up?
Daniella Guimaraes:Most people that come to me. They want something quite ongoing and meaningful. So I have something I say called a casual matchmaking. But it's not a one night stand or hey, I'm in town for a week. Who can I see? Even when it's more casual, they're not looking to build a life with you. They want a secondary partner, a tertiary. It's very ongoing and meaningful. I think nobody wants a shallow connection.
Carrie Jeroslow:Well, that debunks that myth, that people have about non-monogamy. There you go. That's such a myth. It's so frustrating to me that the first thing people think about when they hear the word non-monogamy is, oh, it's just people wanting to screw around, and I do agree that there's probably people on the spectrum of the different kinds of connections that they have. I'd love to hear some of your success stories.
Daniella Guimaraes:So I'm very much in the beginning of my journey still, so I haven't gotten anybody married yet, but I have created some connections that so, for example, we did a beautiful Brazil trip for 20 people and I curate the group based on who was going to be there. So I just I'm not just approving oh you're amazing, you're coming, but you're amazing and I think you might be a match for somebody else there. So there is a friend of mine who in his mid thirties and has had a long relationship or two before. But I got a testimonial saying oh, I've never fallen in love like this, so that was quite a special one.
Carrie Jeroslow:Those are the moments you're like. Oh, it's all worth it.
Daniella Guimaraes:Exactly.
Carrie Jeroslow:Well, I'm hoping that, as relationship diversity gets more known and understood, as well as non-monogamy, that your services will be really needed by a lot of people, because even the dating apps I've never been on a dating app, but I know that they're just starting to recognize that there are different ways to be in relationship other than monogamy and giving the metrics for you to choose that but it still feels very much in its infantile state. I'm really excited about where it could go. Now you do events, because you touched on it, but what are the events that you do? Are they always trips or do you do one night events?
Daniella Guimaraes:I do absolutely everything.
Carrie Jeroslow:Oh, tell us about it.
Daniella Guimaraes:It started as a marketing stunt, getting the word out and just brand recognition. And people started coming to me hey, there's a lot of play parties in town, but there's nobody doing a curated, upscale meetup or dinner or non-sexual event. So they're like can you just please do this on a regular basis and not just? And so there's a different branch of Velvet Ties, which was just a matchmaking agency before the social club part was born. So I've done a neon body painting event at the founder of the blue man groups house, for example.
Carrie Jeroslow:Wait a second because, okay, I got to hear more about that. You know, I worked for blue man group for 12 years, so you know, Chris.
Daniella Guimaraes:Oh my God, it's so special because it was an immersive like experience.
Carrie Jeroslow:his apartment is an art piece and like I know I worked with him in the beginning of blue man group for 12 years in new york city. Wow, what a nice connection.
Daniella Guimaraes:Okay, so you did like a curated event at chris's apartment nice that was super special and I'm quite lucky that every event I throw I'm like, oh, I don't know where I'm going to do the next one, and every event two people come up saying, hey, I love this so much, Can you please host one at my place?
Daniella Guimaraes:So, I've gotten the most beautiful, beautiful apartments, penthouses in Manhattan, in Florida, in Miami, to host all sorts of things. Sometimes they're 50, 60 people cocktails, sometimes they're 15, 16 people dinners. There's retreat upstate. We have a retreat space upstate, that's the roundhouse. It's a big dome compound with 10 bedrooms, 30 acres. We'll do that as well as some international trips, which for me are the most fun. They're just not that often.
Carrie Jeroslow:Now they're not that often yet as you grow. So how can someone find out more about your events and do people need to apply?
Daniella Guimaraes:to go to the events, or invite only or apply to attend. So I really want to make sure that the vibe is quite perfect. What's your?
Carrie Jeroslow:most ideal vibe at an event. What does it look like?
Daniella Guimaraes:So I think something sexy but not sexual. You know like the sexual tension is high but it's not aggressive. I think there's a very big difference between that respectful, classy tension versus a like a I don't know, I want to eat you tension, right. So one of the things that makes me really happy is a lot of the women come up to me say, hey, I'm always nervous about coming to these events, but I I felt completely. My nervous system was so happy the entire time, which is a great thing for me to hear.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, I can, as a woman, any kind of event where I feel attention is upsetting to my nervous system. So that sounds like that's a testament to the way that you curate these events.
Daniella Guimaraes:Yeah, I think one of the things that makes quite a difference is my events are all black tie or almost black tie, so I think just like men in suits is just fantastic to create a vibe. And the important things for me during the event is I select for intelligence as well as personality, so just these deep, interesting conversations instead of small talk. So that's my dream event Interesting conversations, beautiful, well-dressed people of all sorts of backgrounds and just meaningful connections being created through the back-end curation process.
Carrie Jeroslow:That sounds amazing. That sounds amazing and I can feel the settling. I'm an empath so I feel things. I can just feel like the settling into an event like that, because it is about thoughtful connections and that does make a difference, probably for both men and women to be able to sit and be like, okay, this isn't like a kind of icky, sleazy event where I just feel like people are trying to pick me up and so if someone wanted to attend an event, they would have to apply. And is this the membership? Because I think I saw on your website that you have a social club membership.
Daniella Guimaraes:I do have a social club membership. The best way to start is coming to one of my open to the public events, so I have some that are for members only, but I do have. Part of the vetting process is coming to one of my events, open to the public events, and letting me meet. You see how you interact with others. So you can do that either by just going to velvetize-events and see a list of upcoming events, or I'll also leave a link to my WhatsApp group. There's a community with divisions for New York, for Florida, the global Brazil, and you can share events and everybody shares their own events there. So it's a great way to keep in touch about all E&M world as well.
Carrie Jeroslow:That's cool, because community I always talk about community is so important, especially when you're branching out into areas that are non-traditional. Any kind of relationship diversity, diversifying from monogamy community is just really helpful in those. So, okay, you have a free WhatsApp group and your events that are open to the public Are those in Miami and New York, Both in Miami and New York? Yeah, Miami, New York.
Daniella Guimaraes:Okay, Any of the trips or retreats? Then you have to be a vetted member already.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, where do you see the world of non-monogamy going?
Daniella Guimaraes:Oh my gosh, the trend is huge. Did you see the YouPoll March 2023, where one in every three Americans would consider anything other than full monogamy their ideal relationship style? Yes, new gay right. There's like a lot of people in the closet, afraid to come out, but I think inclusion and acceptance is it's coming along with awareness. There's actually coming up the international week of visibility for non-monogamy, so I think this new movement is going to be totally, totally helpful as well.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, I'm going to be having Brett on the podcast in a few weeks, I think, and I love what they're doing. They're really, really doing amazing advocacy work to normalize alternative relationship structures and also legal protections which we have none of yet Right right. So I love this because I think you're kind of getting in at the ground floor, because I'm so excited.
Daniella Guimaraes:I know I like to play around and say that the business is kind of running itself. I give it a little nudge and a stir here and there, but there's so much momentum that I just I kind of just watch it go.
Carrie Jeroslow:Yeah, what's your big vision for your business?
Daniella Guimaraes:I hope to have a community and most countries in the world like quite a quite an established community maybe actually even a physical permanent clubhouse for the social club. I'm so looking forward to onboarding more non-monogamous matchmakers. I've been searching for the perfect person for about six months now, so if anybody listening is interested in working with me. It is a lot in person in New York, but if anybody from New York is listening, please reach out and work with me as the second matchmaker.
Carrie Jeroslow:Oh, I really look forward to scaling and and I'm sure that it'll look completely different than it does today, as as startups do, but it's, I have a pretty nice vision for it, Wow so job opportunity for any of you out there who loves love and wants to help people find whatever it is that they want in their relationship, their visions. What would you say to someone who's out there and maybe they don't live in New York or Miami, but they're wanting to date non-monogamously and they're on their own? What kind of advice would you give them as they venture out into the dating world?
Daniella Guimaraes:Yeah, I think joining the global WhatsApp group is a good start. You can ask there for local community referrals. There's people all over, so I think reaching out to local communities is great. There's a lot of virtual support groups as well. Again, brett from Open does a call where you support and you can even ask questions in advance to be anonymous. So I think there's a lot of support there. Other accounts on Instagram which talk about non-monogamy and makes you feel not alone or not weird, which I think is super helpful just representation. So I think online there's a lot of things and just there's. I think most places have even a small local community to for support as well.
Carrie Jeroslow:And if someone were deciding they were either going to go on a dating app or they were going to try and go out there and really meet someone, what would you tell them as a way to introduce their desires for something non-monogamous or something non-traditional?
Daniella Guimaraes:I think most have had the filters nowadays, so you wouldn't necessarily be fishing in a pool that's not interested in what you want, so that's super helpful. But just just be upfront If you're not quite sure, to say, hey, I'm new to this, I'm looking to build communities and date, and just put yourself out. There is really just the first step and then you adjust accordingly. Any specific tips I can give, I don't know. I think just be yourself and be honest.
Carrie Jeroslow:Revolutionary Right. Be, yourself and be honest. I mean it's kind of crazy that that is the advice and that that's really hard for a lot of people. But I think that's my big drive with this podcast is to know yourself, know what you want and be able to say it.
Daniella Guimaraes:I think not playing games is a big one too. Oh hey, I don't want to respond to this text too fast. If you're available and you can respond, just respond. If they don't respond back, that has nothing to do with how long you took to respond to a text. It's on them. So I think no games is a fundamental part of non-monogamy as well.
Carrie Jeroslow:Thank you for that. I haven't dated in a really long time. I've been in my relationships for a while but I do talk to my nephews and younger kids saying that exact thing whether looking non-monogamously or not, just don't play the games, let's just be real. And a lot of dating advice I have found is all about the games. Don't. If they text you here, then wait a couple hours. I mean it just doesn't make sense to me. It's helpful to know one yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, anything else you'd like to leave us with and to help all those people out there who are dating, because there's a lot of people wanting to date, specifically as people open up their relationships and are looking for more authentic connections.
Daniella Guimaraes:Yeah, I'd say, just sign up on my website, leave your profile there, or I'm also super accessible. Shoot me an email. We can find my email on my website. Send in a forms and I'm happy to answer questions or connect you to someone that I think might be useful in your journey, so just don't hesitate to reach out. Oh and there is a free tier for the matchmaking, so not everybody has to be a paying client. If you're ready to date and you want to be matched, but you're not ready for that investment quite yet, there is a tier where you're matched with the paying clients. So I won't actively search on your behalf, but if there's a match in my database for you, it's for free.
Carrie Jeroslow:Oh, wow, that's a great opportunity. That sounds awesome, so I'm going to have your links in the show notes. We will have your website and your Instagram and how to sign up for your email list. So, everyone, please check out Daniela.
Carrie Jeroslow:Daniela, thank you so much for being here. I've learned so much and I'm really grateful with everything that you're doing to help normalize non-monogamy and find deep, meaningful connections. Thank you, thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide. I'd love to send you more about relationship diversity. I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.
Carrie Jeroslow:New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, kerryjerislowcom, instagram or TikTok. Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are. Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships, or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope altogether?
Carrie Jeroslow:If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul-nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.
