Exploring the World of Solo Polyamory

Episode 101
Exploring the World of Solo Polyamory
 

In this episode of the Relationship Diversity Podcast, I dive into the concept of solo polyamory. I discuss the integration of autonomy and independence in multiple romantic relationships, common misconceptions, and how the solo poly structure fosters personal growth and emotional fulfillment. 

Listeners will also learn how to determine if this unique relationship style aligns with their values and how to communicate it effectively to potential partners.

This is Relationships Reimagined.

Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.

Learn more about intentionally shifting your relationship structure by listening to these episodes:

Episode 24: Do these 3 Things Before Attempting to Open Up a Monogamous Relationship

Episode 48: Shifting Your Relationship Structure: How Timing Can Influence Your Decision

Episode 56: Opening Up Your Relationship – Part 1: When You Want to Open Your Relationship and Your Partner Doesn’t

Episode 58: Opening Up Your Relationship – Part 2 When Your Partner Wants to Open Your Relationship and You Don’t

00:00 Introduction to Solo Polyamory

00:34 Exploring Relationship Diversity

01:24 Personal Encounter with Solo Polyamory

04:02 Deep Dive into Solo Polyamory

09:35 Addressing Misconceptions and Judgments

14:13 Is Solo Polyamory Right for You?

16:50 Communicating Your Solo Poly Structure

19:00 Conclusion and Invitation to Explore Relationship Diversity

19:37 Announcements and Resources

 ✴️ ✴️ ✴️ ✴️ ✴️ ✴️

Get Your Free Relationship Diversity Guide

Connect with me:
 YouTube

Instagram

Website

🔥 Up Your Pleasure with this Pleasure Protocol

Get my book, “Why Do They Always Break Up with Me? The Ultimate Guide to Overcome Heartbreak for Good

Podcast Music by Zachariah Hickman

Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Solo Polyamory in Relationships
• 20:35 Finding Lasting Relationship Fulfillment

Transcript

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:00

The term solo polyamory has gained traction recently.

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:04

It represents this unique approach to love and connection, emphasizing autonomy, independence and personal growth within multiple romantic relationships.

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:17

What I love about this structure is that it takes aspects from both the structure of soloamory and the structure of polyamory and blends them together in a way that really honors beautiful aspects of each seemingly disparate structures. Welcome to the Relationship Diversity Podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from soloramory to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, keri Jaroslow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become.

Carrie Jeroslow: 1:31

I met a radiant woman a few months ago at a diverse relationship event. She was floating around the space effortlessly connecting with everyone. I was so intrigued by her, especially because me, being an introvert, finds that kind of engagement pretty challenging. Being an introvert finds that kind of engagement pretty challenging. I feel more comfortable sitting in a corner of the room observing or maybe finding a small group and staying with them throughout the event. So finally, she floated over to me and the person I was talking with and introduced herself, because this event was filled with people who practiced their own unique relationship structure and that's what the event was centered around. People were pretty quick to share what their relationship ecosystem looked like. She inquired about me first and so I felt that that was an open door to ask about hers and how she showed up in relationships. She said very proudly I'm solo poly and I love it.

Carrie Jeroslow: 2:31

Me, being a curious person and podcaster who loves to ask questions, wanted to learn more. What do you love about being solo poly, I asked. She brightly answered I love my autonomy, but I also love connecting heart-centered connecting. I love to feel intimacy, and not just sexual. Basically, I love to love, but I also love my own life and Solopolly is so liberating because I'm always honest with the people I have relationships with and I'm able to have so much love in my life while also having my independence. She continued with I know what I want, I know what works for me and I'm not afraid to ask. It's glorious. I was so enthralled, not because I think solo poly is for me, but because she was living so much of what I talk about in this podcast, knowing herself to know what she wants and designing what works for her and the people involved, and she owned it fully. I had so many other questions and I really wanted to interview her for this podcast, which hasn't happened but hopefully will someday. But I still really wanted to do an episode exploring solo poly, because I think it's a structure that has a lot of misconceptions and judgments and yet it really is a perfect structure for some people. So this is what I'm going to be exploring today the world of solo poly, what it is, why someone would resonate with the structure, common judgments and myths, how to determine if this might work for you and, if so, ways to communicate it to potential partners.

Carrie Jeroslow: 4:23

The term solo polyamory has gained traction recently. It represents this unique approach to love and connection, emphasizing autonomy, independence and personal growth within multiple romantic relationships. What I love about this structure is that it takes aspects from both the structure of soloamory and the structure of polyamory and blends them together in a way that really honors beautiful aspects of each seemingly disparate structures, and I've heard lots of people question how someone who wants to be single could also want to fall in love and be in love with multiple people. And yes, there was an undercurrent of judgment in that question. But this is such a good structure for people like the woman I talked about in the beginning of the episode of the episode. This really works for many and goes so much deeper than this misconception that it's just someone who doesn't want commitment but wants to sleep around. So I wanted to start with defining solo polyamory or solo poly. In its most basic definition, it's a structure where individuals maintain multiple romantic relationships while prioritizing their autonomy and independence.

Carrie Jeroslow: 5:51

Solo Polly emphasizes the importance of self-discovery, personal growth and freedom from hierarchical structures within relationships and relationship standards, such as the relationship escalator, where someone meets someone, dates, moves in together, marries, has kids, raises kids, etc. Etc. In solo poly, each relationship is valued in and of itself, without the need for primary or central partnerships. People may have those deep emotional connections with their partners while still maintaining their own separate lives, living arrangements and decision-making autonomy. For many, being solo poly is more of a life philosophy, a representation of aligning with one's values of personal freedom and autonomy. This is for those people who want to have intimate connections but don't want to merge their lives. They have this deep desire for intimacy, value, communication, heightened self-awareness, personal growth and embracing tough emotions and leaning into the discomfort for that personal growth.

Carrie Jeroslow: 7:07

People are drawn to solo polyamory for a variety of reasons, but I think one of the top ones, specifically that speaks to the solo part, is that desire for autonomy, and autonomy is really one of their highest values. This structure allows people to prioritize this personal autonomy and freedom without feeling restricted by traditional relationship expectations. They have the liberty to pursue their own interests, goals and priorities without feeling constrained by these relationship expectations. The solo poly relationship structure provides flexibility in navigating multiple connections without adhering to that hierarchical or prescriptive relationship roles. There are no predefined expectations regarding the nature or duration of relationships, allowing for this beautiful fluidity and exploration. This definitely requires a high level of communication, since there may be differences and desires from one date or one connection moment to the next. This leads me to the next reason why people sometimes choose this structure, which is personal growth, and solo poly encourages this and I would even dare to say requires individuals to focus on their individual growth and development, fostering the strong sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. And lastly, I found that people who identify as solopally or practice this structure find so much emotional fulfillment because, by nurturing multiple relationships, people can experience diverse forms of emotional support, intimacy and connection. Each relationship offers their own unique opportunities for growth, fulfillment and companionship, which expands one's emotional landscape. And this is by no means an exhaustive list of why people are drawn to the structure, but it really highlights the top values and priorities of people that are drawn to solo poly.

Carrie Jeroslow: 9:35

Yet, despite its growing acceptance, solo polyamory still faces many judgments and misconceptions. Here are some common ones that I've found. One is this idea of commitment phobia, that solo poly people are reluctant to commit or have a fear of intimacy. However, individuals in solo poly relationships can actually be really deeply committed to their partners while maintaining their independence. Commitment is defined by mutual agreements and emotional connection rather than this adherence to traditional relationship structures. Another misconception is that many perceive solo poly people as emotionally unavailable or selfish. Solo poly people as emotionally unavailable or selfish, when in reality, solo polyamory requires high levels of emotional intelligence, communication and empathy to navigate multiple relationships successfully. People must actively engage in open and honest communication to ensure the well-being of everyone involved. Many people question the stability of solo poly relationships, assuming that they lack structure or longevity. However, solo poly people can build stable, fulfilling relationships based on trust, respect and mutual understanding. Stability is not dependent on hierarchical structures, but rather on the strength of emotional connections and the commitment to non-monogamy principles like open, honest communication, transparency and mutual respect.

Carrie Jeroslow: 11:28

I think addressing the criticism and judgment that one can't be single and have relationships simultaneously within this context of solo polyamory requires a reframing of the traditional understanding of singleness or solo amory as I call it and relationships, and here's how I think we can address this criticism and, in turn, create more awareness and acceptance for this valid structure. First, we can reframe being single or soloamorous In solo poly. Being single does not necessarily equate to being unattached or devoid of romantic connections. Instead, singleness is redefined as a state of autonomy and self-sufficiency, where people prioritize their personal growth and well-being without relying on a primary partner for fulfillment. Solo Pali people engage in their single status as a conscious choice to pursue meaningful connections while retaining their independence. Second is we can embrace non-traditional relationships, which is my inspiration for this podcast.

Carrie Jeroslow: 12:48

Solo Polly challenges the notion that romantic relationships must conform to traditional monogamous or hierarchical structures. Instead, it recognizes that people can cultivate fulfilling relationships with multiple partners without sacrificing their autonomy or compromising their values. In solo polyamory, each relationship is valued for its own sake, with partners enjoying emotional intimacy, companionship and support, while respecting each other's independence. And finally, we can reject the dichotomy of soloamory and polyamory, or soloamory and partnership. The criticism of being unable to be single and have relationships simultaneously stems from this binary view of relationships, where one is either single or in a committed partnership. Solo polyamory challenges this dichotomy by embracing the complexity and fluidity of romantic connections. It acknowledges that people can navigate relationships on their own terms, balancing their desire for independence with their capacity for intimacy and connection.

Carrie Jeroslow: 14:13

So are you feeling intrigued by solo polyamory and wondering if it might be right for you? Well, determining if this structure aligns with your values and relationship goals requires introspection and self-awareness. So here are some questions that you can ask yourself. Do you prioritize personal autonomy and independence in your relationships? Are you comfortable communicating your needs, boundaries and desires openly and honestly with multiple partners? Are you comfortable having difficult conversations? And maybe do you even? I wouldn't say enjoy it, but enjoy the benefits of going into those difficult conversations. Can you manage and navigate complex emotions, jealousy and insecurity in a non-hierarchical relationship structure? Are you committed to personal growth, self-discovery and fostering independence within your relationships? Are you prepared, and even possibly excited again to embrace the opportunities for growth and self-awareness that solo poly can offer? If you answered yes to these questions, this may be a structure that's worth considering.

Carrie Jeroslow: 15:37

If you are already in relationship and you find yourself in a different structure and are unable to shift it at this time, think about how you can incorporate aspects of the solo poly structure into your current relationship, bit by bit. Sometimes, when people have a big resonance with a new aspect of life, they feel like they want to just go full throttle into it. However, I found that taking small, intentional steps creates a stronger foundation for future experiences and expressions of your life. It takes patience, but it moves you in the direction you want to go, while also respecting and honoring others and current relationships and what you have built. And if you're feeling like you may want to shift your current structure to a solo poly structure, I have done several episodes about shifting your relationship structure and how to go into it intentionally, so I'm not going to talk about that in this episode, but I will link those episodes in the show notes, so check that out. So let's say you resonate with solo poly and you want to move in that direction.

Carrie Jeroslow: 16:56

The most important part of this is learning to communicate your relationship structure to others, your relationship structure to others, especially as you start to date. So solo poly is relatively new and education and awareness is essential in the beginning of any new connection. A lot of people haven't heard of this, this solo poly structure, and won't know what it is. Being up front, right in the beginning, will begin the connection with transparency and honesty, which is so essential for the foundation of any new relationship, intimate or other. Clearly articulate your boundaries, expectations and intentions regarding the nature of your relationships. Express why this relationship structure resonates with you, what you love about it, what you found challenging in the past, how it looks day to day, month to month. Emphasize your priorities and needs and the importance of mutual respect, trust and open communication. Open the dialogue by asking questions, learning about the other person, learning what their needs are, their priorities, their values. Be prepared to listen actively and empathetically to their concerns and needs. I truly believe in being open to what you need and giving the other person the opportunity to determine if their needs, desires, values and priorities in relationship align with yours. If you feel the new connection may be worth the time and effort to find middle ground, be open to negotiate and compromise so that both of you feel heard, respected and honored. So does the idea of solo polyamorous relationship structure feel like something that would help you feel fulfilled in your relationship with yourself and others? Or do you know someone who the structure might really work for?

Carrie Jeroslow: 19:00

Relationships are expanding more and more these days. As we embrace our uniqueness and step into who we really are, a wide spectrum of possibilities opens up for us. One of the first steps in re-imagining our relationships is to question what we've seen reflect about who we really are, and remain curious and open to what can be birthed in its place. Until next time, thank you for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get your scent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied, relating. We all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Tuesday and Thursday. Stay connected with me through my website, kerryjerislowcom, instagram and TikTok. Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are.

Carrie Jeroslow: 20:35

Are you wondering why you never seem to find lasting fulfillment in your relationships, or do you create the same kinds of relationship experiences over and over again? Can you never seem to find even one person who you want to explore a relationship with? Have you just given up hope all together? If this sounds like you, my recent book why Do they Always Break Up With Me is the perfect place to start. The foundation of any relationship, whether intimate or not, is the relationship we have with ourselves. In the book, I lead you through eight clear steps to start or continue your self-exploration journey. You'll learn about the importance of self-acceptance, gratitude, belief, shifting and forgiveness, and given exercises to experience these life-changing concepts. This is the process I use to shift my relationships from continual heartbreak to what they are now fulfilling, soul-nourishing, compassionate and loving. It is possible for you. This book can set you on a path to get there, currently available through Amazon or through the link in the show notes.