Deepening Connections Through Rope Play with Sexologist, Eros

Episode 092
Deepening Connections Through Rope Play with Sexologist, Eros

Have you ever found yourself feeling a void from casual sex?

My special guest, certified sexologist Eros, joins me, to unravel the intricacies of rope play and BDSM within the tapestry of casual encounters. We stitch together narratives of personal histories and cultural identities, understanding how they color the patterns of our intimate expressions. Eros reveals her transformative journey from an early sexual awakening to an empowering post-divorce self-discovery.

Embarking on a sensual exploration of sexuality, Eros explores all the aspects of Shibari, a rope technique from Japan.  We explore how casual sex encounters can be embroidered with intentionality and care. We highlight the importance of Shibari as an art, meditation, therapy, and path to erotic pleasure, and how it challenges conventional beliefs about sex and pleasure.

We discuss the significance of informed consent, the nuances of enthusiastic versus exploratory consent, and the role of aftercare in enhancing connection.

Eros shares transformative stories that illustrate the profound impact of ethical and consensual rope play on personal relationships and self-expression. Whether you're curious about the logistics of a Shibari session or eager to learn how to make your own sexual encounters more meaningful, this conversation promises to offer a new perspective on the powerful connections possible through respectful, consensual BDSM practice.

Connect with Eros:
Website | Instagram

This is Relationships Reimagined.

Join the conversation as we dive into a new paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships.
  
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Podcast Music by Zachariah Hickman

Chapters

• 0:00 Rope Play in Casual Sex
• 6:03 Exploring Sexuality and BDSM Practices
• 13:07 Exploring Sexual Identity and Growth
• 21:02 Transitioning From Casual to Meaningful Connections
• 25:43 Exploring Sensual Shibari Healing Journey
• 38:34 Exploring Consent, Shibari, and Healing

Transcript

Eros: 0:00

What I'm targeting here is them connecting to their body, to their senses, and, yes, using the ropes, because the ropes is going to take you into that intimate conversation before you can even put handcuffs with the ropes on your partner, and then going into the body and playing like let's play with your senses. What sense do you want to explore today? Is it a hearing? Is it touch? Is it the visuals? Is it the smell?

Carrie Jeroslow: 0:31

Welcome to the Relationship Diversity podcast, where we celebrate, question and explore all aspects of relationship structure diversity, from solaramary to monogamy to polyamory and everything in between, because every relationship is as unique as you are. We'll bust through societal programming to break open and dissect everything we thought we knew about relationships, to ask the challenging but transformational questions who am I and what do I really want in my relationships? I'm your guide, Keri Jarislow, bestselling author, speaker, intuitive and coach. Join me as we reimagine all that our most intimate relationships can become. Today's episode is part of our conversation series. I'm just one voice in this relationship diversity movement and it's important to bring more unique perspectives into the conversation.

Carrie Jeroslow: 1:30

Today I'm talking with Eros, a certified sexologist, about how to make casual sex and interactions more meaningful by becoming informed, responsible and conscious through the exploration of rope play. But first a little about her. Eros, a dedicated advocate and certified sexologist, is a passionate voice for sex positivity, challenging societal norms and dispelling myths surrounding eroticism, sex and BDSM practices. Her unwavering mission is to empower individuals to embrace their inner sex goddesses and gods without reservation. Driven by a deep commitment to open dialogue, vulnerability and the ethical practice, eros serves as your trusted guide in navigating the intricacies of human intimacy. It was during her personal journey that she realized her passion for sexuality and eroticism and pursued certification as a sexologist through the esteemed El Placer de Amar program. Her certification spans continents covering Mexico, south America, the USA and Europe. Let's get into the conversation.

Carrie Jeroslow: 2:51

Hello everyone, and welcome to this episode of Relationship Diversity Podcast. Oh, I've got an incredible guest for you today and I'm really excited about this subject because I'm going to be learning a lot about it. Today I've got Eros with me, who is a certified sexologist, and we are going to talk about how to make casual sex more meaningful by becoming informed, responsible and conscious and by using Rope Play and BDSM. There is some amazing conversation because Eros has so much information and experience and I'm really excited to explore this topic. Eros, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me.

Carrie Jeroslow: 3:40

I'm very excited to be here. Yes, I'm so excited to learn from you. I don't have a lot of experience in this area, so I'm going to be learning along with everyone else listening who doesn't know anything about this. What I'd love to do is start with learning more about you and about your history and how you became inspired to explore sex, the erotic exchange and Shamari, my sexual, erotic being has been awakened at a very young age and that took me to relationships that were not so healthy.

Eros: 4:19

Then the era of sex in the city came up and I started embodying these archetypes of powerful, independent women that had a lot of casual sex on their own terms but also adopting those ideas and practices were now fulfilling me. I went around the world like that, always showing affection through my sexual being and wanting affection back through sexual encounters, but I had always a break of not taking it further than that because I have never believed in monogamy relationship type of model, and I continued like that. Then I got married in that relationship. At the moment I didn't know, but after the divorce and a lot of self-work I learned that I had been sharing myself from a place of void, from emptiness, and I was seeking these other people to come fulfill all of these needs that I was having. And sex and orgasms became my moment. It was a drug. I wasn't addicted because it wasn't affecting my daily routines, but I was co-dependent to these erotic connections, fast, casual connections where I could put a beginning and an end to it. That was a way of protecting myself, but it still was not being fulfilled. I had a lover when I started my troubles in Mexico. I got divorced.

Eros: 6:07

I started doing a very alternative lifestyle, went backpacking to Mexico and in one of my many trips I was in Tolum, staying in this beautiful campsite jungle next to the ocean where I didn't wear clothes. I never took showers because I spent a lot of time in the ocean. I met these beautiful beings, some great God. He was Russian. I remember that my connection with him was so strong. I started again feeling the need of having him fill me up through sexuality. At some point he was like yes, this is not okay. How are you doing it? You're absorbing sexual energy from other beings to fulfill your needs and you don't even know how much power you have.

Eros: 7:00

I continued with my trip and broken heart after this interaction, but I started again connecting to what made me happy, what sex meant to me. I asked that question for months and years until the pandemic came. The pandemic took me again into this journey of wilderness with my erotic self. I started asking myself again what is this? What is this sexual energy that I carry? What is this presence of being so primal when it comes to this erotic energy?

Eros: 7:42

That took me to start questioning myself in a different way, being more aware of where I wanted to be. Then I started thinking about the type of erotic loving partner relationships that my mom, my sisters, my aunts have. I started wanting to study sexology in a more academic way to maybe find answers in there to how high was the way I was. I started feeling this sense of there has to be a way where I can still have casual sex, because I'm so used to casual encounters, but make them meaningful. But this still wasn't connected to BDSM, this alternative way of living my sexuality. Then I met this traveler from Germany who introduced me to BDSM dynamics in not a very informed way. Everything was new to me. Then I'm like what?

Eros: 8:47

is this type of sexuality. At the same time, we were coming out of the pandemic. This was Thursday, end of 2020. After this person left, I met somebody who introduced me to the ropes. I started at the same time studying sexology, getting my certification in sexology. That's when I started taking layers of what it was BDSM practices, how rope or shibati fed into BDSM practices. Sexology started to give me a space to understand what sex meant to me, what sexuality meant to me, what was sensuality, the difference between an erotic blueprint and this need of wanting to satisfy an animalistic internal need, being erotic and fitting our sexual needs. It's like drinking water and sleeping.

Eros: 9:52

When I learned about BDSM, I knew that their practices were run under ethics and protocols and that there was something called aftercare and these relationships didn't have to be also for a long term. But because you have these ethics, they can be very joyful and nourishing to you. And when I started playing with the ropes, I learned also that you have to put the ropes in somebody. You have to have a very intimate conversation to be able to explore. And in this intimate conversation you're talking about a lot of things Like how is your mental state, how is your emotions, how is your body feeling, what are your desires, your needs, expressing your boundaries and then closing the session with an aftercare that looks different for everybody and comes in different forms.

Eros: 10:54

And I started putting into practice in my personal life. I noticed that my casual connections they probably were still short and I was still practicing a way of protecting myself, of knowing this is just a romance that has a beginning and this is when it's going to end. So they started being more meaningful and people being open to. It was just not just a casual sex from before that I never talked to the person again, or we had sex, I got up and left, didn't even say bye, or the person got up and left in the middle of the night or very cold and forgetting that we are sharing ourselves with another human. So bringing these practices from the BDSM community into my casual encounters made it more joyful and fulfilling for myself.

Carrie Jeroslow: 11:51

Yeah, wow, there's so much there that I have questions about or just thoughts that came up during that discussion, that great description and storytelling of your experience. I actually want to go back to the beginning when you were saying as a little girl you felt very sexual from a young age and that resonates with me. I had that experience too and it felt so natural until I got all the programming that said that it was wrong. I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't feel that way in my body. It was very confusing.

Carrie Jeroslow: 12:31

Can you go back a little bit to that and what your experience was as a young girl? Because I think we see a lot of parents say even things like don't touch yourself and we get the message that that's bad and that's where sexual wounding starts At least it did for me in that way of just well-meaning people and I'm not even talking about any kind of trauma or abuse, but just well-meaning people saying don't touch yourself creates this narrative of this is bad and there the sexual wounding begins. What was that experience for you as a little girl.

Eros: 13:07

For me there was not a lot of sexual conversations around the house, but growing up in Mexico at this time and having so papras, I don't know, if you know the funny comments that they make about Mexican so papras that women are over sexualized and always they are only wanted if they are overly sexy. What I remember first is that I started internalizing this idea that to be wanted and to be worth it, I needed to grow this sexual identity. Eventually, my mom left to come to the United States and we ended up staying with her mom, who was Jehovah Witness.

Carrie Jeroslow: 13:58

Very different.

Eros: 14:00

Very, very different, because I remember one day they got me this beautiful green dress that was a little bit open in the front and they put so much lace to cover my chest so nobody was exposed and I had to be going to services with them. And that's when I started being really naughty, because I used to go to service like a mass type of thing but instead of being listening to whoever was speaking, I used to create erotic stories in my mind as being a rebel and I'm not going to do what you asked me.

Carrie Jeroslow: 14:40

It's interesting that you use the word naughty because it's very, I think, normal as we're coming into bodies and then coming into whatever sexuality is, especially in the pre-teen years and teenage, and then all the hormones, that that is very natural. It's just not looked at, it's shamed by the lace that has to cover your chest or a little bit of your skin, and that's a lot of deprogramming that needs to happen in terms of celebrating being able to get to the place where we are able to have more meaningful sexual interactions experiences, because it's like that programming disconnects you from your body and I think it's just a breeding ground for casual sex, right, for I can't connect to my body because there's shame there, and so there's quite a lot of healing. So when you went through all of that questioning in the pandemic in those years and you went through all this questioning about who am I, what am I, what is my body, what is my pleasure, that sounds like quite a journey that you went on.

Eros: 15:44

Yes, and then it repeated itself, because when I moved to the United States and we left my grandma's house and I came to the States, I started being again bombarded with these over sexualized bodies movies, the story of Disneyland, that you are the princess, that a prince is going to come save you and you have to be pretty and you have to be certain way very delicate. So I assumed that that was my role as a female in this world.

Carrie Jeroslow: 16:24

What was the one? If you had one or two aha moments that something is not right with that narrative. Sometimes we sit with those images. For many years I sat with the Cinderella image, probably up until my 20s really, maybe not using those words, but in that same like prince is going to come and choose me and all of that. And it was for me realizing that that happily ever after narrative is not like I saw in those movies. But I'm wondering if you had a moment or a time frame where you realized, oh, this is not like I was told. And now, when you realize it's not what you're told, but you don't know what it is. You're living in this kind of bardo place of like. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not that.

Eros: 17:14

It's after my divorce. So I went into this relationship feeling a lot of social pressure from my friends and family telling me when are you going to settle down? You're not going to stay young forever. They introduced me to a very good friend of mine at the time, introduced me to this man, and he's a good person, he works, he can take care of yourself. So I went into this relationship in a time where I thought like, well, I've been single for nine years. Since last time I had a someone I call boyfriend. For nine years I've been having casual sex. Maybe it is time to stop having casual sex and focusing one person and going to a serious commitment. But then I never wanted to get married. That relationship was a whole mess, I never wanting to be married. I had that since I can remember a little girl.

Eros: 18:13

But I ended up getting married and once I got married, I felt like something inside of me wasn't right and that relationship wasn't healthy. So after I divorced him, I was like, yeah, this is not for me. Marriage is not something that I want to do. However, I do believe one day, when I do have someone special, I would like to celebrate it with my intimate friends and have a gathering to celebrate that connection. But I don't need to sign papers for that.

Eros: 18:43

That was the very first time. The second time was with the Russian boy in Tulum that told me you are doing a wrong. You suck in the sexual energy from me. You have a lot of power that you don't even know. That was the second time. But I heard his words. I felt what I was processing back then. I wanted to possess him and I remember there was this other beautiful girl in the campground too that was being flirty with him and I was feeling well. Now I know that it was in jealousy. It was fear of abandonment. I was acting up and now. If that happens now, I will be like let's invite her, let's have fun.

Carrie Jeroslow: 19:28

Oh, the growth and evolution you've gone through. Oh my.

Eros: 19:31

God, and the last like that aha moment was during the pandemic and all these situations that happened during 2020 that took me to 2021 taking sexology certification.

Carrie Jeroslow: 19:48

Thank you for sharing those. I think it's important for us to think back of those big moments that were maybe a fork in the road and the aha moments. Like I could go back to the way that I've always believed and feel that emptiness, that void that you talk about, or I could go into the unknown and explore, and I love this idea of making casual sex more meaningful. I'm wondering if you can define for us your definition of casual and what that means to you.

Eros: 20:22

Casual sex for me has become this romances where there is a lot of euphoria and they sure they only last the honeymoon phase. And for me it was a lifestyle because I've been traveling a lot and I tend to meet a lot of other travelers, so it's people that we are just cruising paths, we connect for whatever days and we live that euphoria of the moment without expectations of growing it more than like. For me, when I go into these erotic exchanges in my travels with travelers or me as a traveler, I just go with this with not expectation but intention. For me. I'm like oh, this is going to be a fan romance. It's summer in Chicago I met this Costa Rican guy and I'm going to be here for two weeks and I'm going to divorce him in those two weeks and then I go with my life when it's time to live. Maybe we continue texting for a month or some days remembering our time together, but eventually fades out and I don't try to continue feeling that connection. That's what has become to me.

Carrie Jeroslow: 21:45

That's what casual is, and so moving to a more meaningful interaction mean that it would be with different kinds of people, or how could you make that experience, like the guy in Chicago, a more meaningful experience, from a casual experience to a more meaningful experience?

Eros: 22:03

So, even though that was just a short romance, that was meaningful for me. Every casual encounter that I have, I'm loving the person. In the one moment I feel strongly connected to the one person, engage, appreciate it for their time and their willingness to share themselves with this wild woman take a lot of guts. So they are meaningful. But before that, before this new way of connecting, it was just that boom, boom, boom orgasm. And there were times when I remember having an orgasm and asking the person with me. I accomplished what I wanted. Now it's time for you to go.

Carrie Jeroslow: 22:55

Right. I think what you're saying is those kinds of casual experiences were really just a physical connection super quick release and I've gotten what I want and now goodbye Whereas it sounds like what you're saying, these more meaningful connections, although they may be short lived it could probably even be one night but it's the intentionality and the consciousness and the presence that you bring to the time that you're with that person. It's not just this body. I just want to get myself off and that's all I need you for or want you for.

Eros: 23:35

No, it's about the whole experience, like knowing that it's going to be short, so let's make the best out of this, but I'm in this transition of now wanting to have longer connections. I do appreciate and I have really enjoyed my last romances, but I have so many hungry for exploring new sexual desires and sexual fantasies that I have learned that to do certain type of activities it requires to build trust over time and to build these deeper connections with somebody to be able to be more risky.

Carrie Jeroslow: 24:20

Yeah, In order to feel like you have the space to do something that is super edgy. Having the foundation of trust and security is important.

Eros: 24:31

It's becoming something important and something that I want to practice.

Carrie Jeroslow: 24:36

And I'm wondering if that's important in the practice of shabari and rope play, because when you're dealing with rope around certain parts of body and surrendering your control over to someone else, for people who don't know what shabari is, could you explain what that is, where it came from?

Eros: 24:57

So shabari comes from Japan. It started during that Edo era and it was utilized to torture the criminals. The summarize they had knots that represented the type of crime they made. They used to be exhibited around the town so people knew this person did this and that's why he's going to get tortured. But also rope in the Japanese culture plays a big role. They used to also use it for art, where they used to put ropes around bases ceramic bases and let that rope be in front of it. So the rope play comes from Japan. When World War II started, the American soldiers were introduced to these shibari practices.

Eros: 25:53

Because his name was Sayujito, a big person within the modern shibari practice. He started photographing, painting, even created plays, and he was tying up his wife. He was very political too, because he would tie his wife and suspend her upside down, even up to the ninth month of her pregnancy. Wow, and Ayuna is no storm. Waioli was snowing outside. He had the doula by the side, he had a photographer, he was prepared for an emergency. He was not just, but it still was a crazy thing to see a pregnant woman hanging from a tree, tied up.

Carrie Jeroslow: 26:42

I've been pregnant. I'm thinking about hanging upside down like that in these ropes and whoo.

Eros: 26:49

Yes, that's intense, but the dishes they also started offering these services of the ropes. Then the World War II was around the same time and when that ended the soldiers came back to United States with those new ideologies and here in the States we were going through the sexual revolution and that's when the letter underground groups were happening. To the Betty Page creator that also used to draw a lot of bondage, american bondage pictures. And then Betty Page is like coming out on magazines, tie it up with high heels. So that's how she ended up here with the World War II and the soldiers bringing that. But with time and over time it has become a very versatile practice. Nowadays shibari can be a practice of meditation, a therapeutic practice. It can be very artistic performance or an installation of body art when people do clothing with ropes. It could be also an erotic expression of discovering different ways. It can be sadomasochism and they even have ropes for people who want to make it very intense for a sadomasochism practice. So these days shibari has turned into this very versatile practice.

Eros: 28:36

In my discovery and the meaning or the way that I share it is in a very sensual way. So I found out that when you are tied up and if you let your be blindfolded, your body becomes a big receptor, an antenna, and more sensitive. Your other senses, like your smell, your hearing and just the vibrations around you, become more sensitive. You do like, your whole body becomes more sensitive. So I like the idea of sensual shibari, the practice of sensual shibari and instigating or pressing buttons on all these senses, depriving senses, stimulating senses and the person being a container of receiving. How will it feel if I let you smell the honey? What sensations does that provoke you? And now if I grab the honey and I smear it in a part of your body and then I lick it, how does that make you feel? What emotions do you feel when I'm making this for you.

Carrie Jeroslow: 29:47

It sounds like those kind of practices really bring someone into the moment, into the body, but it also sounds like also emotional and mental. It stimulates so many areas that maybe have been deadened or have been hidden for a long time, and so it sounds like it is very healing to turn on and explore different sides of yourself through this play, through shibari.

Eros: 30:21

And also it has teaching me different ways of giving and receiving pleasure. In what ways? Because last year I was doing a lot of these practices without inner course, without penetration, and figuring out how else my pleasure needs were getting satisfied. Yes, by sharing this without having to go into a penetration scene, or just by stimulating your senses and feeling probably very erotized. So then there comes the edging play or that orgasm control type of play you can incorporate to this and make it more intense, and maybe eventually we'll have another scene where we do have inner course, but let's use this scene to intensify your senses and your desire for me. So then maybe you can earn it.

Carrie Jeroslow: 31:20

Yeah, yeah, and, as you're saying, all of this it makes me think that people that go into this form of pleasure are really going to be looking at very ingrained beliefs, cultural beliefs about pleasure Even the pleasure without penetration to me is a big one that we are inundated with the belief that pleasure comes from penetration and that it should come from penetration, and that even sex is penetration. Like all of these little beliefs that just seeped their way into our subconscious, it seems like this kind of play would really put people on the path of questioning what they grew up understanding pleasure to be, and that, to me, sounds like that would be a healing journey. You work with clients in this way. Right, you don't just have this experience for yourself, but you actually lead people through this, and I'd love to hear some of the results or some of the experiences that your clients have. But first, can you talk more about the work that you do and how you help others in this space to experience this kind of healing work and more meaningful connections through road play?

Eros: 32:41

Yes. So I like creating these spaces where In road play, we don't say safe spaces because it's never safe. We have to remember that she body it's a torture practice, so there is always going to be a risk. You want to be aware to not damage how to tie somebody so you don't damage nerves, because a person can lose sensation for the rest of their life if a nerve is damaged. So first of all, we have to remember that is not just a fan sensual play. So I like to create a spaces where people are informed of what, what the benefits, but also what are their risk was Was the profile risk that they are willing to take with this, because maybe you don't need to have a whole fancy Tie, maybe just your hands Restricted and your feet restricted and that can be enough for you to Surround it, to receive right, so let's stop there for one second because I'd love to hear more about how you describe the benefits, like what are three benefits and what are?

Carrie Jeroslow: 33:55

well, you talked about some of the risks of, like there's actual physical risks of you losing sensation in a body part permanently and also emotional, because it can awaken emotions. Definitely, definitely right. Traumas and things that from the past, which I bet that there's some people who. That's why they go into it is to heal those Traumas. But what? Are some of the benefits that you talk about with your clients so the benefits is Learning to be present.

Eros: 34:29

That's one. You have to be present, you don't have other option, and it's something that is very hard for all of us to do, to tap into sometimes, and there's different ways to be present and this can be one of the practices. The second one is connecting with your senses. We spend a lot of time in in our minds, in our executive brain, always checking Analytically everything. So we learn to connect to our body that we are so disconnected from, and discovering what else gives us pleasure and and pleasure outside of inner course, pleasure by touch, by a smells, by sensations, by textures, by temperatures. So you can add that to your pleasure rituals. And the third one will be it's a space also to work, to communicate your desires.

Eros: 35:29

Like I Desired to be touch on my left ribs, and today I only want to explore all these different touches and textures on that one area only. And you learn to Save. These are my needs today. I was running all week, my legs are exhausted. I need to be put in a position where I'm now putting tension on my legs. You learn to express your needs and Also you start discovering your boundaries. If you don't know what are your boundaries, you start like, oh, that didn't feel so good, I don't want to try that again and that's gonna become a soft or a hard boundary.

Carrie Jeroslow: 36:10

I love that, expressing your needs, because that will go into all Relationships, I think for me. It's really hard for me to say what I want and what I don't want, and that kind of Experience can help me understand what I want and then learn how to communicate it, which is really important in any kind of relationship to feel the security and the strength and the self-empowerment to say that's, this is what I want, this is what I don't want. And so when you start working with people and you've talked about the Benefits and the risks, and then what is the next step? That you go on with clients. Well, let me ask you this first Do you work with singles, do you work with couples, or both? I work with both.

Eros: 37:00

I work with singles. Singles mostly hire my services to live the experience, and couples hire me mostly to Learn how to do it at home, how to bring these practices into their bedroom or their erotic Selfs between them.

Carrie Jeroslow: 37:19

So very different needs, depending on who you're working with and. So, once you've talked about the benefit and the risks, what are the next steps? Are you teaching them the technique of Shabari, or is it a lot of discussions and conversations before you get to that part?

Eros: 37:38

Yes, we start with a conversation where we learn the history of Shabari, because, also, I like to remind people that this is Cultural practice that we are taking from somewhere else and in my own way, I like thinking those ancestors Brought that to the world Definitely. So thank you that now I use it in my life and it hasn't tasted. So we start with what is Shabari, that little Description, and then we go into safety and negotiations. Why is it important to have this conversation? Even if it's your partner from a long time, it's important to talk about. What type of Scene do we want to have today? Do we want to have a scene to just practice that ropes? Oh, we want to make a sensual practice of this scene. How long is it gonna take? So we go into how to set the scene, how to express, what questions to ask, how to express consent, informed consent I was working with enthusiastic consent, but after the sex positive convention and learning about how Exploratory consent, now I'm more open. I'm gonna start introducing that into my classes. What is?

Carrie Jeroslow: 39:03

the difference between the two.

Eros: 39:06

So enthusiastic. Consent is when you are like, yes, I want to do this and you are informed about what you're doing. But exploratory Consent it's about. You are curious about something and you are giving the consent to explore and in either way you can always stop the scene. But you are more like you know what. I am not too enthusiastic about this, but I feel very curious and you are the person that I want to explore with and let's try it and see how it goes.

Carrie Jeroslow: 39:43

I Like that because I've had that experience where I have tried something and said I'm not sure, but I'm curious, I don't know if I'm going to like it or not. And then trying it and being like oh Okay, okay, yeah, that's not for me, or something like that. Or oh, that really is for me, and actually having that be an Exploration. But I wouldn't know unless I tried. But those times where it was like, oh, that became an enthusiastic yes, but I didn't feel it from the beginning.

Eros: 40:12

So that's really interesting, the difference between the two and I like because it gives a space for the freedom to. I felt something that you're enthusiastic about it because you already know. Yeah, it's like yes, yes, yes, yeah. So that's the difference between those two and I take them through this journey of setting their scene and then I teach them basic knots, knots that I know they can do easily. Often, the they're not gonna feel overwhelmed about patterns of how to tie your partner in the bedroom, because what I'm targeting here is them connecting to their body, to their senses, and, yes, using the ropes, because the ropes is gonna take you into that intimate conversation before you can even put handcuffs with the ropes on your partner and then going into the body and Playing like, okay, let's play with your senses. What, what sense do you want? I'm gonna explore today. So the hearing is the touch, is the visual visuals, is the smell.

Carrie Jeroslow: 41:21

And so you're the guide through this experience and then also into the importance of afterplay and aftercare. Do you lead them through that part of the experience?

Eros: 41:34

Yes, aftercare is important. Not everybody practices it, but for me it's something that I encourage I do practice and people that come to me will be encouraged to practice it while they are in the scene with me what does aftercare look like in your practice?

Eros: 41:54

So it's different for everybody. Aftercare can be words of affirmation, it can be cuddles, it can be talking about how the scene went, what you didn't like, maybe just having tea together and talking about something else sharing a meal. If it's a couple, that everybody is going to go their own ways after the scene sharing a meal.

Carrie Jeroslow: 42:23

And the intention of aftercare sounds like it's connection. It's coming together and connecting in some way. That is not the experience you just had. It sounds like whatever is most nourishing for the people involved.

Eros: 42:40

And it's a way of also closing and thanking the other person for allowing you, to, letting you be, in part, among all these beautiful people that we have around. It was you who it was chosen to share this beautiful experience with.

Carrie Jeroslow: 42:59

Which is important, and it brings more sacredness and brings more meaning to the experience. Using that kind of closing the circle, closing the loop, and so I would love to hear something, maybe an experience you had with clients that was really transformational for the people involved.

Eros: 43:21

The clients that have given me feedback and write reviews about it. They say that they are taking this into their overall relationships and how it has enhanced and how also they have become more able to express their needs, their desires and their boundaries and from that have these more strong connections, because they are putting that first part of the Shibati ritual into practice at communicating and expressing. So I think that has been a common theme. All my relationships are more joyful. Thank you for opening a space where I was able to express, to explore, where I felt safe in a certain way, like not judge.

Eros: 44:13

That's another one a bit, one People that come to me. They feel there is an energy of no judgment so they can be themselves and really dip into their fantasies. Nobody's going to look at you weird. So that's also been something that. Oh, I finally did this. I feel comfortable expressing this weird fantasy and the other person maybe did like it or didn't like it, but I feel good about expressing it.

Carrie Jeroslow: 44:46

That's such a healing in and of itself to feel like you can be yourself or explore certain parts of yourself and not be shamed, and just be in a place of that's totally fine and you are accepted and loved and I will care for you. That is such a healing. I've had that in other areas where maybe I feel like the one who is alternative and then I go into a group where everyone is experiencing their own form of alternative relationship and it is such a healing to just be myself. It's so incredible, and so I had this question can you do your work online? Do you do your work only in person? How does that work?

Eros: 45:33

Consultations. I do them online, just verbal guidance, but the ropes are not included in that, so the ropes are only in person.

Carrie Jeroslow: 45:43

And you are in the California area. So if people wanted to reach out to you to connect and try Shabari they're listening when maybe they're close to you or they just want a consultation. They're saying, oh, that sounds like something that really speaks to some desire that I've had and it also seems like that would be a really healing experience for me and a partner, or just for me. How would someone go about getting in touch with you?

Eros: 46:12

So now I have my page, they can go to people of errors and they can message me there. They can see the services that I provide in my calendar. I have where I'll be Like right now. I'm in Santa Barbara for the next two weeks and then I'll be going to San Diego for a networking event.

Carrie Jeroslow: 46:32

So you can follow Eros around the country and connect with her whenever she's in a town close to you.

Eros: 46:40

Yes, I'm also a nomadic right now and I share myself between California and Mexico, so those are the main places where you can always find me. I'm free to travel because that's my life right now. I love it. I have already some people in Chicago expecting me in summer for some consultations, so I'm going to go to Chicago during summer and I'm considering going to Switzerland and around July, august Wonderful.

Carrie Jeroslow: 47:17

So worldwide worldwide and I'm going to link your website in the show notes so people can just connect with you. And also connect with you on Instagram. You have a lot of really amazing insight in your Instagram feed, which is free. Anyone can go and look at that. But if you're feeling really called to this type of experience and you want an accepting place to explore, please go reach out to Eros. She's doing amazing work and I'm really thankful for all that you're doing to help normalize desire and pleasure, because I really believe that normalizing that will create a lot of healing in the world, because there's a lot of sexual repression and it's causing a lot of wounding in all areas of the world. So if you want to get in touch with your erotic self and bring healing to that, please get in touch with Eros and connect with her. Thank you so much for being here, Eros, and I look forward to connecting with you more in the future.

Eros: 48:20

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me and I'm looking forward to having a follow up.

Carrie Jeroslow: 48:26

Thanks so much for listening to the Relationship Diversity Podcast. Want to learn more about relationship diversity? I've got a free guide I'd love to send you. Go to wwwrelationshipdiversitypodcastcom to get yours sent right to you. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to the podcast. You being here and participating in the conversation about relationship diversity is what helps us create a space of inclusivity and acceptance together. The more comfortable and normal it is to acknowledge the vast and varied relating we all do, the faster we'll shift to a paradigm of conscious, intentional and diverse relationships. New episodes are released every Thursday. Stay connected with me through my YouTube channel, where I'll give you even more free resources and information, all about relationship diversity. I'm super excited to go deeper into YouTube because I'll be able to connect and have conversations directly with you. You'll find the link in the show notes. Stay curious. Every relationship is as unique as you are.